1/8 journal

[Kainan]

I have no energy these days. Going outside and running errands is difficult because I just want to lie down. Haven't been consistent with my workout plan. Eating is still a big problem because I don't eat when I'm hungry. My sleep is wildly erratic, can't get it under control. Mood has been fairly good and consistent, just very low energy. Very poor concentration, been obsessed with things that require zero effort and refuse to take responsibility for myself or the family. I need to wake up my senses and activate my mind and body and do something! Bad days still outnumber the good in any given week.

[Photogeek]

Hi there it's not surprising you feel awful, especially if you say you don't eat

When your hungry, this seems like a recipe for disaster and I can't understand

You being surprised at not feeling well.

You need to look after yourself to feel well.

Hannah

[Kainan in reply to Photogeek]

thanks. It's the depression that's screwing up my sleep and eating habits. I'm not surprised at all. The brain probably just doesn't receive the signal from the stomach to go get food

[Photogeek in reply to Photogeek]

Kainan I meant to say it might be worth while going to GP for a thorough

medical check up , although tiredness is a big symptom of Depression. When I was Depressed first I kept wanting to go to bed all the time so it

Could be that. But naturally online it's hard to give advice as we only

Get bits of the facts so I won't give you any more advice.

Hannah

[Kainan in reply to Photogeek]

Thank you for the reply. you're right it's time for another checkup. Even though I hate going cause I know the patterns and don't want to be prescribed any more meds

[Hidden]

Hi, Good that your mood is more under control. You low energy, poor concentration may improve once you start eating regularly. You don't say if when you eat if you are eating healthily.

Do you eat breakfast? If not try getting up at the same time everyday and eating a healthy breakfast. See how that goes.

You say your obsessed by things that require zero effort. Is that because of your low energy or because you are avoiding the bigger things. Why not pick a small task that you think is important for that day. Work out what you need to do into a list of tasks and what the timescale is for completing each task and tick them off once you get them done.

You say you need to wake up your senses, activate your mind and body and do something.

Have you tried listening to up beat music that can help waken you up, if you dance to the music it will give you an bit of exercise as well.

Why not also try reading to waken up your mind or even a small course. I heard learning is good for people with anxiety and depression as it activates the mind. There are plenty of sires offering free courses. futurelearn.com is one that I like.

I took part in the 5x50.org challenge last year. This might help you with the exercise. I attempted to walk 5km each day for 50 days. You don't have to walk, run or jog. On the website they give you ideas for other things that you can do.

You could even set this up so that you do 5 tasks each day for 50 days. You could make them the same task each day or work out what tasks you want to do each day.

Hope these ideas help.

[Kainan in reply to Hidden]

Hi 20Voices, thanks for the reply. I'm trying really hard. Eating regularly. Getting just the right amount of sleep. Making lists of what I have to get done. Working out a few times a week. I even joined an online program called BrainFitLife. It recommends me to self-monitor how I'm feeling and has a lot of useful info so that I'm learning something new everyday. I'm trying so hard and I feel like with every step I take forward, I get pushed two steps back

[Hidden in reply to Kainan]

Hi,

I went through that a little while ago and then I realised something. I was getting impatient with the improvement I was making.

I was working with a psychologist at the time and with her I realised that I was being too tough on myself. I was worrying about what everyone else thought of me and what I did and the standards I was setting myself where too perfectionist as I always gave other people more breaks and wasn't as tough on them.

So during my conversation I decided a few things.

1. I needed to look at what I was doing and think about what I'd say if it was someone else that had been doing that task.

2. I also needed to think about if I'd expect someone else to be accomplishing more if they were in my situation.

3. (This was the most important for me) I wrote down a mantra on a card that I use several times a day and it is "Don't be so hard on yourself". I've even downloaded the song and as it's quiet a catchy tune I sometimes sing and dance to it.

I know you say that you don't take responsibility for yourself or your family. Maybe you need to think about why you think this, maybe discuss that with a close friend or maybe a counsellor/psychologist if you are working with one. I'm sure you'd be surprised at what you are doing.

Does your family help you or are you expected to do everything?

I'll give you an example: I have a friend who is going through a bit of a tough time at the moment and is feeling like she's not keeping up with the house work. She's working full time, goes home and has to do all the household chores, she then has to help her partner with running his business, by doing a lot of paperwork for him. She doesn't eat properly either and is having issues with lack of energy, feeling low and not sleeping. We spoke about what's a typical week in her house and I got her to see how much she is doing, just by double checking things with her and adding up the hours she spends and when she eats and what she is eating. After our chat she has decided to have a heart to heart with her partner about pulling his weight with the house work and also with doing his own paperwork. I didn't tell her what to do but just asked her about what she did and how long she spent on task. I also asked her about her eating habits and sleep partners.

Maybe you could try this and see if it helps, maybe talk it over with someone you feel able to talk this through with or even just keep a diary for a few days to find out what you and and when. Also what does everyone else do. Can some pressure be taken off you by asking others to do some chores?

A long reply, but hope it helps.

[Kainan]

Hi. Again, thank you for your thoughtful reply. I just wrote this as an update for myself on how I was doing and I didn't expect a response from anyone, much less a thorough one like yours. So, I really appreciate it

You are absolutely right! I am very hard on myself all the time. I like to think that I only have one mode, and that is set to GO. And every year when depression slivers it's way into my soul and renders me a helpless couch potato, I feel sick.

I was born with a physical disability and when I was a child, I was never on par with the other kids. I was always at the end of ever race struggling immensely to catch up, and I would always feel like a loser being the last one to reach the finish. At the time all I could do was tolerate it, but over the years that has only made me work harder and to the best of my ability. So, in a sense, I could never have the capacity to care about what I would say to someone else because I have always been locked into a personal struggle with myself.

My family is wonderful and supports me and my situation. Over the years it has been as much a battle for them as it was for for. At first, they did not recognize it and refused to even accept it, but over the years they have grown more and more supportive. When I am unable to do things around the house, they pick up the tab for me. Words cannot express my gratitude for them.

I can only hope to be as caring and as compassionate to my friends as you are to yours