I'm trying to be optimistic

[Torot0]

I keep trying to post more frequently here but I just seem incapable of it because whenever I', "bad" I just don't seem to want to help myself, but I'll post as much as I can.

Anyway, I'm feeling kind of horrible today because last night I was told by a friend that my friends suicide was my fault. I have already blamed myself so much for this but being told by another person just makes it far more real. I'm trying to not be mad and think about the fact I'm going to a concert tonight but it's so difficult because what if it IS true? What if it is my fault. Because if that's true I really can't live with myself.

[teajay]

Suicide is NOT your fault or anyone else's. It's a horrible result of depressive thinking. that takes over . Please, Please. don't blame yourself. Take the best care possible of yourself.

[Stilltrying_]

Torot you are feeling very vulnerable; nothing is ever as cut and dried as you say; people can affect each other and react to each other but beating yourself up for something and making it completely your fault is not realistic unless you actually murdered this person yourself and then you could say you were guilty.

We all do the best you can and I don't know the details of these events you are describing; I know I have been badly affected by people and have felt suicidal because of it but that does not mean that those people are actually "guilty" of making me suicidal if you see what I mean because I am responsible for myself. Even if you did do something bad or to push someone into feeling like that which I don't even know if you did we still all have personal responsibility.

I was watching a TV programme the other night where a paedophile was "caught on camera" trying to meet up with a young girl to have sex with her. He then killed himself.But was it the fault of the person who "caught" him or "showed him up" that he did that? I don't believe so. I believe it was him that killed himself so he was responsible for his own suicide.

It sounds like you are very distressed in yourself. If it helps maybe try the following exercise; try and think of all the ways in which you feel you were responsible and then rate them. For example quite often I feel a BAD person so bad that I should die. If I write down why it would be things like the following;

"People think I am controlling".

" I can't cope and that makes me weak".

"I can't seem to relate to people like others".

So all in all how BAD does that make me? Not as bad as a sociopath or a murderer. Should I die for being like that? No.

Even with sociopaths and murderers and pyschopaths it is not cut and dried; they have people who work with them to try and bring out the good parts and people who believe in them and try and help ; though I personally could not work with these groups that is my personal choice but there are many who believe that they too need consideration and care and can work with them.

Even if you were partly responsible even if it was 70% write it all out and if you look rationally and rate it it may help you understand more. Next to all the reasons why you think you were to blame write a response from the view of a compassionate other as to why you did the things that you feel caused him to commit suicide.

Personally I believe that you can't be 100% responsible for what another person does; they have some responsibility too even if it is a very small proportion. Also In order to commit suicide people have to be vulnerable in the first place so it can't have been all your fault as that vulnerability had to be there I think.

Gemma