Feeling really confused tonight. Ive had a week back at work. Only been part time but still found it really hard. Im so tired! I feel like I have gone back to how I felt before I had time off.
I was hoping that being back at work was going to give me more energy and enthusiasm. I havent enjoyed work at all. It has been so hard. Ive felt so uncomfortable pretending to colleagues that I feel better.
Maybe I was expecting too much. Do I need to give it more time or maybe I have gone back too soon.
David
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Golfer15
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24 Replies
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Hello David
What do you do ??
Generally it will take time to get back into the way of things, These days I feel that many people have little incentive to work and if you are in an office or factory people have to mix with people that most probably would prefer not to be with
Sometimes in a work environment you can see those people as rats in a bucket.biting at each others tails.So know wonder you are feeling low etc
All I can suggest is give it time we all become hardened to it all eventually
Hi David. I find that - I have a bit of time off, a week's leave or something, then I go back to work and within a couple of weeks I feel like I need more time off! On the whole I think it's better for me, it gives me a reason to get out the house every day.
Pretending you're ok is hard. Wonder if that's why you're not enjoying it? I find it very draining when I have to go somewhere and put the mask on because they don't know I have depression.
I'm sure your work-mates can tell that you are still recovering and not recovered yet, perhaps they feel just as awkward that you are putting on a front, it is going to stop them from talking to you about it, but maybe you prefer not to talk about your feelings with work-mates anyway---
If you have the opportunity to stay part-time longer then maybe take it if you know you are not going to be ready to go fulltime for a while. Can't remember how long you have been off work, but it will be a shock to the system to be back, so don't be too down on yourself for taking a while to adjust.
Thanks for your replies. I work in a primary school as a teaching assistant. I have had three weeks off work. My counselor advised me to get back to do reduced hours to give me some purpose to my day. I get on well with most people at work. They have all been supportive. It would be easier for me if they didnt ask how I was. Probably easier for them too.
I just want to be able to go into school to help without any pressure. I have already had people asking me to do things Im not ready for yet. I just want to take small steps.
It's funny but people who know I have depression always feel the need to ask how I am - I would rather they didn't, and I get the impression they don't really want to! They just feel they should. People are strange sometimes!
In the past I've had periods when I have so dreaded people asking me how I am that I've just avoided them! Don't know if there is an element of this for you David but for me part of the problem is that I'll be comfortable getting on with things and then people will ask me how I'm feeling and it's a whole different ball game because then I go through the 'but I didn't want to think about my feelings and now I have to' thing and it gets very difficult. I have talked to most of the people that I work closely with so they know that is what happens if they ask me how I am so they know that it isn't a helpful thing to do.
I don't think there's such a thing as a gentle ease back into work, when work is a school. The nature of children means that you have you hit the ground running. It's what the little people need and expect. And because the majority of other adults in the setting are probably stressed too, it doesn't make for an easy transition. My thoughts are with you. Coma and work in Wales
Thanks Lucy, might just take you up on that. I enjoy seeing the children again and when they say they have missed me and give me a hug it is brilliant. You are right about the other staff being stressed though, especially as its the end of term.
x
You will get used to it again, the hugs from the children will lift your spirits, it is so nice to be loved. I am sure you will be better mixing with people than being at home, I am retired but I am sure I would be if I could get myself out. Hugs x
Hi David, sorry to hear that the first week back hasn't been as you had hoped. I know you told me how great it was to see the kids but that the teacher you supported was asking you to take on tasks which you were not yet ready to undertake. Do you feel that she now understands this and will be accommodating or that she will still put pressure on you to take on work you are not yet ready to do? Is it possible to speak to someone else in the school who could outline what you are comfortable to do? In terms of colleagues asking how you are, this is one of my fears, again is there a way of requesting that people aren't so caring/inquiring? What do your family think about your return to work? Does your wife think you have gone back too soon? Do you have a supportive GP who you could discuss this with on Monday? As I said to you, I had noticed how positive you had been on your posts and responses since joining the site, you were inspiring, and I would hate for you to then feel that you had returned to work too quickly.
Ps I agree with Lucy, with the boys you work with in the school it is hard for there the be any half measures, you have to hit the ground running. Working in a school is hard work....
There's not much I can add to what the others have said - it is always hard adjusting to being back at work after being off but I hope things settle for you and that you begin to feel better. Take it one day at a time and hold in mind that it is nearing the end of term.
think you need to give it more time and be gentler on yourself - not expect miracles in terms of the mood.
hope you can manage to talk to people and explain what happens when they ask you how you are and may be find an alternative polite way of communicating and supporting each other
I know you've also been thinking and wondering if it is the right thing for you anyway and that's good as well but just try to continue to take it steady.
As my boyfriend says (really irritating but also very true :)), do what you can and don't do what you can't.
Sorry to read your post and see you are struggling.
In my opinion, and it is only my opinion, based on my own experiences, and baring in mind we are all individual in this illness. professionals, Drs,therapists etc will almost always suggest going back to work were there is a glimmer it may help, or it may work for you, they can only go by what you are saying to them most of the time. The problem with this illness is the changing nature of it, and going back to work for some could be the ideal thing, and in fact really help in their recovery,for others it may be too soon. The professionals will guide you think ,to try it. The only advice I could give at this time is to be honest with yourself and them (I'm not saying you haven't been honest this far) but if you say for example you think you may be ok..they will want you to try, in some ways this is good, in others it can be not so good.
It's very difficult, because even we don't know how well we are going to be from one day to the next, but that's why I think advice to us will always be to do it, because they (the professionals)will not know if we can cope. if you are not feeling ready a more assertive 'I am struggling' is required. I found this all difficult at the time because it was hard to believe for me that I couldn't cope, so it's easy to feel a bit vague about it all. I would stress to you it's a very fine line, for some the return to work is the best thing they ever did for others truly not good in many ways. The decision unfortunately at this stage lies with you and if that decision is you really are not ready and it is making you ill, as it was with me, then I would return to your dr and explain.
I wish you well and hope tomorrow goes ok for you.
Ps I see from another response you are feeling better today that's good. Sorry I haven't been on here in a while so maybe a bit behind with my reply to you.
hi david hope monday went ok, easter hols soon, we have only this week left where i work before we wave goodbye to the kids for a fortnight. think i'm getting by on adrenaline and hysteria this week., Think i read you have kids of your own, so hope you get some quality time with your own sprogs...
My name is 1969kappa(lee) give it more time mate as I have found in the past the longer you are away from work the harder it is to go back but trust me once your back in your routine it should get easier and at the end of the day it's a job you can be proud of working with children give's you a chance to make a difference in there live's(and lets face it to many kids need help nowadays) which should give you a feeling of self worth.I battle low self esteem and feeling that I'm worthless as a husband and dad as I'm unemployed (nearly 2 years)and for someone who has worked nearly all the 29 years since leaving school it's hard .But chin up man get to it make a difference in the kids you have contact with they need all the people pushing them in the right direction and that will give you your self esteem and pride back knowing your making a difference.
Thanks for this encouragement. I was with the group of children this afternoon and you are right it is very rewarding. It is helping my self esteem and confidence. We did some cooking at school and it was good to see them pleased with the results. Im just very tired now.
I had appointment with the gp just now to see how everything was going and she was pleased with my progress. That has made me feel good. I was just asking about this constant tiredness. My gp said it was just a reaction to being back at work. She suggested I go for a blood test just to be sure.
She said that with the tiredness that depression brings plus being back at work it is a bad combination. It will get better the more I do.
The only time I can drop the mask is when Im alone and on here. I have just been to a supermarket where I kept seeing people I knew. I tried to hide as I dont like the questions but I couldnt avoid some people. I had to lie when they asked how am I. Of course I had to say I was fine but really I was trying to finish the shopping and get out as I felt terrible.
When I returned I told my wife I was going to sit down with a coffee. (After putting the shopping away). I didnt think this was a problem but my wife doesnt understand. She is very good but when I said how bad I felt she said why. So I dont let my mask down very often as people dont really understand how I feel.
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I don't know what to do.
New to depression and talking about it, dont know what to do...
