Not able to have sex

[Jukenuj1990]

We have been trying to have sex for sometime now. But whenever we try I get hard the first time but later I am not able to penetrate her since her vagina is very tight. When I pull out I lose my erection and not able to get it back so soon. I have to turn off the lights and just lay with her and only then I can get it back up. A Gynecologist confirmed that she is just fine as she was able to insert her 2 fingers inside without any trouble. I had visited a sexologist who performed a few tests by placing some machines on my penis and scrotum and said that I am ok.

When I am NOT having sex I can maintain my erection for as long as I want without any issue. Can anyone tell me what's going on here?

[Hidden]

Your wife has seen a doctor and she is fine. Have you been to a doctor?

[Jukenuj1990 in reply to Hidden]

Yes I had visited a sexologist. He performed a few tests by placing some machines on my penis and scrotum and said that I am fine.

[Hidden in reply to Jukenuj1990]

Perhaps there are psychological issues at play that fingers and wires cannot diagnose.

[Jukenuj1990 in reply to Hidden]

But I am not anxious or depressed or chronically worried about something. And I am interested in having sex!!😆

[Hidden in reply to Jukenuj1990]

Try some lubricant for easier penetration. You are probably get your self worked up worrying about not being able to penetrate her.

[Jukenuj1990 in reply to Hidden]

I use a latex condom and another lubricant on the top yet the same problem. I asked her to insert a small cucumber inside her vagina for about 5-10 minutes before we have sex so that it can widen a little. Could it help?

[Hidden in reply to Jukenuj1990]

You shouldn’t need to do that unless you have a massive penis. Try fore play first. Use your fingers and tongue to get her going and gently use 1 finger then 2 to open her up a bit in advance of penetration.

[Jukenuj1990 in reply to Hidden]

We do have foreplay. Will try inserting 2 fingers the next time.

[Hidden in reply to Jukenuj1990]

It is the mind that really controls erections.

[Daniel121]

Maybe your penis isn’t sensitive enough? When you masturbate it’s no issue. But you have an issue wearing a condom and lube. Maybe try with out the condom and lube just get her very wet and use that as a natural lube and see how you get on?

[youcantblockme]

You have to do foreplay and rub on her vaginal lips until you feel a wetness all around. And then when she gets wet, try inserting your penis then. A lot of guys try to insert when she's still barely wet or bone dry, and then all that does is make you feel turned off, which makes you lose your erection.

[JonJohn]

I think it’s a good sign that you regain your erection by relaxing and cuddling. Let it be. You’re doing well. I used to do the same and later on I realized I had a mild case of erectile dysfunction. Ask your doctor about trying viagra. I wish it had been available for me during the 80’s and 90’s. It may help maintain your erection as long as you want.

[Jukenuj1990 in reply to JonJohn]

Ok thanks for that, but could erections be mildly painful after having sex if I take viagra?

[Hidden in reply to Jukenuj1990]

If you take too much - possibly.

[JonJohn in reply to Jukenuj1990]

My Rx was for Viagra 100 md. I would split in half then in half again resulting in 4 pills of 25 mg each. That’s probably all you need and dividing into 4 saves $.

[jaglad]

Important not to stress about it, try different methods, stop and start, touch each other.Experiment and have fun.

[sinombre]

It's not mentioned here, but another case can be that while doing foreplay or actually performing the deed, at least for me, if you've spent a significant amount of energy, it may be harder to maintain and get back the erection. Just food for thought, so may be helpful to conserve/ration your energy sometimes. But that might not have been the case for you for this kind of issue.

[BexyBoy]

Sexologists sometimes recommend 'the squeeze technique' (you can Google this to find out more) - it's for men who are too quick to orgasm. Maybe the tightness of your partner's vagina is itself causing the loss of hardness in you. I agree with the other replies - it's very important to delay penetration until your partner is relaxed, aroused, wet and ready - However, your partner may not have any physical problem but maybe she has 'Vaginismus', (also worth Googling) - you will have to be very careful if you suggest to her that she has a psychological problem as she may feel bad and take it the wrong way if she feels guilty or blamed. She is definitely not to blame, but neither is it a problem that you should take on yourself alone as the reason for your difficulties. This is a couple problem - neither of you deserves 'blame'., however the solution will be a shared one, - not something you can fix by thinking there's something majorly wrong with you whether physically or psychologically.

[Jukenuj1990]

We had sex for the first time yesterday. First time in 3 years of our marriage. Thanks to you guys too. My advice to someone struggling with maintaining erection would be to just go ahead with the first time when you get an erection. Don't waste time thinking. 😄