I hope it's OK to write here as a woman and also as a loving partner. My partner has been circumcised at age 10 - he is 31 now. He doesn't feel anything while having a sex, while I give him an oral pleasure or handjob. Only he can make himself to come. He is even claiming that he does not have an orgasm he just comes. Furthermore, he can come in one position with tightening his legs, and it's very exhausting for him. I don't want to turn this in "what about me" topic - of course it worries me, makes me feel not good enough in sex, etc. On the other hand my former sexual partners were very satisfied, and I do believe I'm fantastic and my partner is telling me this all the time, that it's not my problem.
Well, I want to help my partner. It makes me so sad knowing that he is not having much of a pleasure., therefore his appetite for sex is also very low. Not good for a healthy relationship. He bought this tugging scary device for his foreskin, and sometimes he uses it. But generally he is not very motivated.
Please does anyone have some tips what to do? I have read something about psychosexual therapy? What about some creams?
Thank you for your understanding answers and truly appreciate your help!
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Zuzazuza
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24 Replies
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Has your partner consulted a doctor? That would be a good place to start. He needs to find out what is the root of his problem.
Hello thank you for your question. No he hasn't. So far what I know is that the doctor doing his circumcision completely messed it up. We are both not much into solving the "symptom" rather solving the cause, and the traditional medicinal in our opinion does not have much interest in this. I asked a friend who is a doctor, and he only recommended more lube and some cream.
Thanks fir that reply. Without a medical view, how do you know that his circumcision was botched? Traditional medicine is very much about treating causes when that can be done. Pills and potions may not always be the answer if the emotions are involved.
Which doctor would you recommend visiting? I talked to urologist. What I can tell you is that he has massive scars on his penis + his glans and top of the penis is very dry.
Perhaps he needs to be examined by an urologist or a dermatologist. If he is stressed or worried then he may need that looked at too.
Hi, I’m not circumcised but I was loosing sensation on my glans when my foreskin was retracted. I got balanitis and my doctors gave me a steroid and anti fungal cream. When using this cream my glans has went softer and I’m feeling slightly more sensation. With your partner being circumcised his glans will be cauterised and dry. He could try using a good moisturiser cream to see if the skin will soften. When men and boys are circumcised they loose the sensitive foreskin and possibly the frenulum too. They loose a lot of sensation. I have been told that I may need to be circumcised which I don’t want. This fears me. Some men on here say that it’s the best thing that they have done.
Thank you. Yes the sensitivity is definitely gone thanks to his dry glans. I don¨t think that the problem is the balantitis. Please don't get circumcised. I'm telling you as a woman who is very sad to see how lack of sensitivity her partner has. It's effecting a lot of our sexual life and plus on top why the hell would you remove a skin that is protecting your glans and having amazing orgasms. Really, don't do it if you don¨t have to.
I’m sorry to hear that. Please tell him that I feel sorry for him. This must be awful. Have you spoken to a specialist to see if anything can be done?I think doctors are very quick to suggest a circumcision. When I was about 4 or5 my foreskin was not retractable and during a school medical examination the nurse told my mother that I should be circumcised but my mother said to leave it until I was older. I started to retract when I was 14. I was tight but the more I did it the easier it got. I really don’t want to be circumcised for this balanitis either.
If you’re partner put moisturiser cream on his glans and wore something like this his glans may become moist again like Richlandfarmboy said on a comment that he restored his foreskin. It may be worth a try.
Hi, well, this isnt an unusual story for me, its very much like myself. BJ's or Handjobs from my wife, or previous partners just dont to it for me, never have done, and at 54 years old I suspect never will. I was circumcised at 17 years old. I deal with this 95% mentally , I concentrate on ensuring my partner has a very full experience , lots of foreplay, toys, dressing up...you name it, that way sex is both better for her, and immensely better for me...the better it is for her the better I feel, so really, here, the better it is for you, the better it most likely will be for him, make it all fun, push the concerns to one side and enjoy each others bodies fully. Alpha Amour will help (I use it) but no where near as much as thinking positive , as a lady ensuring you are giving positive feedback physically ....so plenty of writhing around, moaning, eye contact will help his desire I suggest (it sure helps mine !). Sorry , this is going to sound a bit too rude, but you will be surprised how just a few words from you like, come inside me, you are so hard, yes just there, oh I can really feel you right inside me can add to this....as you suggest it not just physical, dont let it be....
Thank you for your detailed answer. Very interesting! I'm doing my best to show how much I love it. Yet, I have to be honest here, after 3 years not being able to give a satisfying blowjob, the idea being super horny about is not very relevant, and maybe I can't hide it. Imagine you are licking your wife, and you know she feels nothing. The lack of my motivation is absolutely involved. However, it makes me sad, and I want to work on it.
Hi, I was in your partners same situation. After researching the problem, I was convinced that it was my circumcision that was the problem, and it was. I began regrowing my foreskin and my sensitivity has come back more intense that I have every had it. Encourage him to keep going with the Tugger. It takes a long time to get it accomplished, but it is well worth it. I'm not to big on doctors about this, because they know nothing about the foreskin and it purpose. At least here in the US. Don't know about the rest of the world. You can get advise and instructions at 'norm.org' in the US.
Thank you so much for your words. Yes, the Tugger with the special cream maybe it could improve. How long it took you to gain at least some sensitivity back?
Well, to start the process, the first thing you have to do is to get rid of the keratisation. That is the layers of skin that the body produces to protect the gland after being circumcision. That is a quick process. Just keep the gland covered all the time. 24 hours a day. I just used a plastic wrap call stretch wrap and a rubber band. Just tight enough to keep the stretch wrap from coming off. You don't want to restrict any blood flow. Keep it just behind the gland. After a couple of days you should see skin starting to peel off. After a couple of weeks you should notice an oily film on the plastic and the gland should start to be soft and smooth. This is from your bodies natural oil it is suppose to producing. This is good. I started to get some sensitivity back by then and as I continued to stretch the foreskin, and got it to cover the gland, the sensitivity got more and more intense as got more coverage. I got full coverage after 2 years, but I still have a ways to go. I'm not as dedicated to this as I could be. Stretching every other day seems to work best. Good Luck.
Hi, don't know what your using to cover your gland, but have you noticed any kind of oil that they are secreting? It would probably be just a light film on the material they are covering it with.
Has he always masturbated using lube and if so what was it?
Before being circumcised I learnt to masturbate using lube and it was an occasional pleasure. Even with a foreskin I noticed I wasn’t as sensitive afterwards, i.e. if I tried to masturbate the ‘regular way’ a day or two later, it wasn’t as pleasurable as I couldn’t feel as much. Even now I only use lube occasionally and it’s usually a safe skin moisturiser or Durex Play. At other times, if the head seems dry then I apply moisturiser (as I would any other part of my body).
I’m 20, and was only circumcised at 17 so my sensation isn’t completely gone.
I’m also gay so my advice might not be as relevant, or it may make it more relevant as I’ve also dealt with partners that do not have much sensation.
I don’t know much about how to give him more sensation, but from my experience(like someone said before)a lot of it can be mental, seeing my partner getting pleasure from me helps a lot.
Even if something is not directly pleasureful for me (i.e. handjobs), i still enjoy sex immensely because I know my partner is enjoying it.
I think your situation could be helped a lot by almost ‘playing it up’, conveying how much pleasure you are getting from sex and letting him know how good he is etc.
It definitely isn’t a perfect solution but it will make him enjoy it more knowing you’re enjoying it.
Engaging in a lot of foreplay or exploring each other’s kinks more, although it’s not gonna do anything for sensation it will definitely add excitement.
Although I know it isn’t appealing to a lot of heterosexual men, prostate stimulation is also an incredible feeling if he’s up for it, it almost disregards the need for penis stimulation and can get him to orgasm without touching the penis.
Of course this depends on whether both of ye are comfortable with it, but it’s literally the male g-spot, I’d recommend it to everyone to try it.(feel free to message if you have any questions)
Hope this helped in some way!
Indeed. It keeps you in work!
Everyone assumes circumcision is the cause of the lack of sensation and pleasure. I can only go by my circumcision at 27 and my response, and there is no difference before or after the circumcision. The brain is the biggest sex organ, but other parts of the body can be erogenous like the ear lobes, nipples, and lips. It seems your partner does not want to have sexual relations for whatever reasons, and he does not seem perturbed by that. I am male and there are certain parts of my body I don't like being touched as the sensation is too much. My knees, and anywhere on my buttocks, parts of my back and neck for example. And I don't like manual stimulation of my penis or fellatio. Find out what turns your partner on and what doesn't.
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