Gender identity issues

[Lindypops56]

My son is 35 has autism and moderate LD and lives nearby in supported accommodation- we live in Scotland.

For several years he has been interested in wearing women’s clothing- mainly underwear but also footwear and clothing. He has never gone outside in full female attire but dresses up in private which we have told him is absolutely fine. He is now expressing the desire to go to a Pride event dressed in full drag wear. The psychiatrist he spoke with recently has told us he should not be encouraged but neither should he be discouraged as the world is now a very different place from several years ago!

We want to do everything we can to safely support our son as we have done all of his life - however we live in rural Scotland where views and opinions are not necessarily those found in a big city and people can be judgmental and cruel sadly.

We have full guardianship powers and can veto what he’s allowed to wear but by the same token we want to allow him to express himself safely - it’s a very difficult situation.

My question is - we would be happy for him to go to this event but should we allow him to go in full drag when we feel he may be ridiculed?

Any advice or support would be very welcome 🙏🏼

[DrSarahmac]

I think that you should explain your concerns to him without scaring him and let him reach his own decision. If the event is local then maybe your rural neighbours aren’t as judgemental as you think and if it’s further afield will they ever know.

Also if your son is in supported accommodation it may be that it’s you that’s most likely to notice or experience any negativity and if you’re happy with your son going in “full drag” then perhaps you just need a few stock answers up your sleeve ready for them.

It’s very hard when all we want is a bit of ‘normality’ for our kids but maybe this will make him really happy. On the other hand if he’s anything like my daughter he will have an idea that strikes fear in our hearts and forget about it a week later. Maybe just go with the flow. People are overwhelmingly kind at heart.

[Salah11 in reply to DrSarahmac]

Hi! I think it would be worth finding out more about the event (not sure if it’s in your own more conservative local community or in a more liberal city nearby). And who is going with him etc. I am sure there will be others in drag too. If it’s a small local event, perhaps you could ask the organisers for support and maybe they could let you know if any others will be dressed in drag too? Good luck!

[Lindypops56 in reply to DrSarahmac]

Thank you so much. I think I do just need to relax about it.

[Zilah_Atfield]

Hi, firstly I'd like so say how wonderful it is that you want to support your son to express himself fully and enjoy pride!

I hope you don't mind me commenting on this post, I am currently researching this topic and just wanted to ask if you or your son would have any interest in discussing this further with me as part of my project? I have some more information in my Bio but please feel free to get in touch with me if you have any interest in talking further about this topic and sharing your experience to help others in a similar situation to you!

A research study advert for the project mentioned in the comment.

[Lindypops56 in reply to Zilah_Atfield]

Hi there

I don’t mind you commenting at all and I would welcome the opportunity to discuss this with you. I don’t think my son would be comfortable talking to you .