independent living help: Hi i have a 28 year old son... - Mencap

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independent living help

Purdybaby profile image
28 Replies

Hi i have a 28 year old son with traits of Autism and a Learning Disability which he lives with me. But as he is getting older now i would like him to live a more independent life as im 62 now so i would like him settled . im his carer and appointee, He says he doesnt want to share with anyone but as long as im in the back ground for support he says he would like to try living on his own. His name is on the Council list but they have siad they have nothing as full up. So where do i go from here as dont know who can help me ? please help if you can?

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Purdybaby profile image
Purdybaby
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28 Replies
Jofisher profile image
Jofisher

Speak to adult social services and try carers U.K. for advice and support also mencap helpline and speak to My safe Homes to see if this is something you would consider. Good luck

Purdybaby profile image
Purdybaby in reply toJofisher

Thank You. Who are My safe Homes ?

Jofisher profile image
Jofisher in reply toPurdybaby

It’s a charity that supports people to own their own home who are disabled you would need to see if your son would be eligible and the information you would need to share with them.

Information
Purdybaby profile image
Purdybaby in reply toJofisher

He isnt working so that wouldnt be for him but thanks anyway.

Jofisher profile image
Jofisher in reply toPurdybaby

No this is for those that can’t work as it’s supported by the government I would recommend you have a look. My son is severely disabled will never be able to work and they were happy to accept him for this. They literally pay a very small amount of their benefit check it out don’t rule it out until you’ve looked into it or call them and ask them how it could work for your son all the best.

Purdybaby profile image
Purdybaby in reply toJofisher

Thank you very much for your help

Jofisher profile image
Jofisher in reply toPurdybaby

Your welcome

Eeviee profile image
Eeviee

the amount of support you will get depends on the level of need. Does your son get any support from social services ? If so then contact the social care team and ask for an assessment and what support you can expect. Supported living is one avenue fir those who are fairly capable but placements depend on the person receiving social care support. You will need to find out a lot about what your sons rights are. Contact mencap and look at Golden Lane Housing. Do it soon as you are getting older and so is your son. He needs to be sorted before you are too old to take care of him full time like you are now.

Purdybaby profile image
Purdybaby in reply toEeviee

His been assess already. But no social services not involved cause im his carer and appointee. My council assess him .

Eeviee profile image
Eeviee

Sorry but you won’t get any help unless social services are involved.

Purdybaby profile image
Purdybaby in reply toEeviee

Sorry .But why have that got to be involved if his already been assessed by my local council ?

Eeviee profile image
Eeviee

social services are the department of the council that assess a persons needs when they have a disability.

Purdybaby profile image
Purdybaby in reply toEeviee

Ok thanks

Beyondtired45 profile image
Beyondtired45

Hi

Our daughter is 20 and similar to your son.she has recently moved to her own flat in supported housing , she has 1:1 staff ten hours a day .

We started the process by spring to social work. They found her somewhere quickly but start to finish was about 5 months x

Purdybaby profile image
Purdybaby in reply toBeyondtired45

Where did you contact to start the process of getting your daughter a flat ? My son told me he wont share with anyone and he goes into one if i push him on anything else. His name is on council list but cant see them helping him as they told me they having nothing as full up.

Mybestfriends profile image
Mybestfriends

Hi I'm same as you, my Son has & does live independently, it's Adult Social Care & Housing of course. Start with Supported Accommodation, to make sure Son has Skills for Bankjng, Shopping & Cooking, Cleaning etc. Then move on from their, easier to enter the Independent side of living. Housing won't help otherwise, because Son has a good Roof over his Head, & is Safe, Needs Met, Living with Mum, Carer. Or Privately Rent, but that keeps Son forever Private, as Housing only really help,One person, if Hmeless, then its a Bedsit, not much room. But the facts are that our Son's, Capacity, Needs & Health, Social Care are Upmost of Importance. If these Needs are not being Met, then you have good grounds, to fight back at the System. Wish you all the best. Maybe an Annexe, I wish ha ha

Purdybaby profile image
Purdybaby in reply toMybestfriends

So do i contact Adult social care first ? Think i did contact them in past but they siad has my son got social worker which no as i was make his carer and appointee by my council. So have i got to tell them he needs supported accommodation first to help with cooking cleaning etc. The thing is i can show him all that when time came.

Nomojo56 profile image
Nomojo56

As others have said you need to go back to his Social Worker and explain that your son would like to live independently. They will then assess his needs on that basis and help him/you find appropriate accomodation with appropriate level of support. When they come back to you with offers of places make sure you know who will be the Service Provider (which agency) and exactly where he will be living - check the CQC report on both and go and visit them with your son. Ask around any other parents you may know for personal recommendations.

It's a hard transition to make but if it feels right for you both, now is a good time to start the process - whilst you are still young and well enough to oversee and help your son settle. Good luck

Purdybaby profile image
Purdybaby in reply toNomojo56

Thank you for all your information

Purdybaby profile image
Purdybaby in reply toNomojo56

He hasnt got a social worker as ive always sorted everything out for him. And to be honest i dont need or want a social worker in his or mine life.

Bergersil400 profile image
Bergersil400 in reply toPurdybaby

Hi many years ago when my daughter was under school age I remember saying the same. I don't want a social worker in our lives as I associated them with sorting out problem families. When they told me that a social worker is the gateway to getting all sorts of support from sorting out benefits, to placements in pre school nurseries, to after school clubs and short break support, that I realised in order for us to help our daughter and get much needed respite for ourselves that would be the way forward. Our daughter had a social worker until she was 22. The social worker at the time suggested we get her reassessed for NHS funding as she was high needs, and would get better funding.She was reassessed and now gets100% health funding. She is age 28 now & moved into supported living a year ago. Not sure whether best meets her needs, but only 20 minutes drive & comes home to us most weekends.

A social worker won't be checking on you 24/7 and will stay in the background once the various support networks have been set up, and then only intervene in the future if needed.

Sometimes giving something a try might be hard at first, but some will say best thing I have done for my son/daughter & why didn't I do before.

Good luck.

skydivesurvivor profile image
skydivesurvivor

Speak to his social worker, maybe he can berehoused n sheltered accommodation? Seems the councils are stuck for people to fill them. I was asked if I wanted to go, have lived alone. 1bed council place since 2004. Settled now, no desire to move

Purdybaby profile image
Purdybaby in reply toskydivesurvivor

Thank you for all your information

Purdybaby profile image
Purdybaby in reply toskydivesurvivor

Dont mind me asking how did you get your 1 bed council flat? As his name on council list but rang them siad there got 100s like my son but cause he lives with me with his own bedroom and me his carer they dont wouldnt offer him nothing yet his 28 years old and im getting older now at 63. What there told me to do is go to homeless with him tell them im chunking him out. So how low can they go .

skydivesurvivor profile image
skydivesurvivor in reply toskydivesurvivor

2004 before the world moved to uk, was lucky. Why I said about sheltered accommodation, surely there can’t be such a rediculas demand

BenjiB profile image
BenjiB

As others have said as he has a disability the only way to get supported living accommodation is to contact social services learning disability team.

Council housing will be impossible to get as he’s adequately housed.

Purdybaby profile image
Purdybaby in reply toBenjiB

Ok thank you for your information

Mybestfriends profile image
Mybestfriends

Sheltered in UK is for over 50's only, sadly I've found. So you really need to speak to Mencap & ask all the questions. There are temporary Supported Housing, then there are whole flats eg x4 in a block & can get support coming in. Then there is Social Housing Own front Door. Can be in a Block with Shared main entrance or some are Exclusively Own Entrance from outside. Some are first floor, some ground & some are High Rise Blocks. You will need to make sure what your Son can & can't put up with & proof of all he Can't and Why. Definitely call Adult Social Care, state All Diagnosises & explain why & what Accommodation you Need for Son. Good luck. Council do Grants for certain things, or Charities may be able to help.

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