bringing our son home for Christmas Day.

[redsails]

our adult son has lived in supported living for almost 20 years. He has complex learning, physical disability and autism, is a wheelchair user and has a small team of 24/7 staff. We’d like to bring him home on Christmas Day but his care provider is against the idea because we don’t have a stand aid which staff use in his flat for his transfers, he is able to weight bear but is unable to walk. Prior to our son leaving home we would wheel him into the bathroom and lift him onto the toilet and secure him with a lap strap (similar to the toilet seat he now has in his flat) Whenever staff have brought him home in the past we’ve used the same method of transferring him to the toilet, however we now have a different manager who seems determined not to allow us to bring him home for the day. We’ve said we’ll take full responsibility while he is with us, after all, we wouldn’t put our son or ourselves at risk if we thought we thought we couldn’t safely help him on and off the loo. Does anyone know of any legal reason why we might not be able to have our son visit us?

[Jofisher]

if you want my independent advocates number she does private work she’s been a godsend for me let me know. She’s very good at challenging and knows the laws around these things

[redsails in reply to Jofisher]

Thank you so much Jofisher, I’d really appreciate some expert advice. Does she charge for a consultation?

[Jofisher in reply to redsails]

Her mobile number is 07843 171686 Vanessa Evans

[redsails in reply to Jofisher]

Thank you so much for this, I really appreciate your help. I’ll need a couple of days to build up some mind space, I’ve been so upset to think we may not be allowed to bring our son home for the day and my head feels like it’s full of cotton wool.

[Jofisher in reply to redsails]

I can relate my sons in hospital been in there so far 8 days he’d only been home two weeks after a two month admission so my head is mush can’t think past him getting better. Not done a single thing regarding Christmas just can’t until I know he’s ok and will be going home.

[redsails in reply to Jofisher]

I know, the worry is often never ending and the feeling of helplessness becomes overwhelming. My son has also spent the last year in and out of hospital and I’ve been so thankful that he’s got an excellent key worker who worked on her days off to support him while he was in. As for Christmas, I’m keeping everything crossed. I wish you and your son well.

[anonymous-28 in reply to redsails]

I hope that things are resolved for you and your son soon.

[Jofisher in reply to redsails]

Bless you I feel for you it’s all very stressful fingers crossed things improve for us both soon.

[anonymous-28 in reply to Jofisher]

So sorry to read about this Jofisher. Wishing your son a speedy recovery. I really appreciate the contribution that you make to this group and hope that you feel more peaceful soon.

[Rupertthebear in reply to Jofisher]

Sorry to hear that Jo . It’s always very stressful when they go into hospital . I used to stay in hospital with my younger one but since he turned 19y . I told him he’s going to be fine . He was ok as he had been to same children’s ward for several years . Wishing you all the best . I might use your advocate if it’s ok for a college matter .

[Jofisher in reply to Rupertthebear]

Vanessa is brilliant she’s been and still is a godsend to me. All the best

[Jofisher]

thank you x I hope so too x

[skydivesurvivor]

good news!! I hope you all have a good time!!! I suffered my tbi in 2000, I wish u all a very marry Christmas!!!

[catladie]

Is there any chance the stand aid could be brought with him? This will be todo with health & safety im betting?

[redsails in reply to catladie]

Unfortunately the stand aid is too big to fit in his vehicle.

[BenjiB]

Does he have a social worker? If so I would speak to them. They may be able to arrange for a stand aid for you to use over Christmas even if you don’t actually use it. If so there are charities that will lend them out the manual ones.

[redsails in reply to BenjiB]

Thanks for your reply. My son no longer has a social worker.

[BenjiB in reply to redsails]

But he will be funded by the LA I’m assuming, therefore there will be a social worker involved in his care. You should phone the learning disabilities team at the local authority. A social worker will be allocated or a duty social worker will be available for you to talk to.

[Sallyyana]

sorry to hear this. Another battle to challenge . Speak with social worker. Don’t just accept what they say. I hope you have your son home for Xmas day. Please keep us posted

[redsails in reply to Sallyyana]

Thanks for your reply, we won’t give up without a fight.

[Chocolate-heals-all]

Hi Redsails, here's a rather long reply. please forgive my bringing in a few different perspectives.

The practical reason cited by the manager: is is a pretext or is it genuinely the obstacle to your son visiting you at home for the day? Surely you could buy one or acquire one - and again, the local social services OT should be able to obtain one to be placed in your home for when he visits you. If he doesn't have a social worker then there's always a duty officer whom you can contact.

If he's getting good care and is reasonably happy, that's incredibly valuable and not something you'd want to mess with, so perhaps there's a case for trying to engage with the manager of his setting to try to figure out ways forward. This isn't just about Xmas but - presumably - about any home visit. On this occasion - perhaps you could spend Xmas near your son, stay at a hotel near where he lives, if it's too far for you to travel, move your celebration to his home if they don't want to move him to your home.

The legal reason why they could snatch this decision from you might be that you might not have a court-ordered deputyship which would give you the right to make decisions about your son's care. The process of getting a deputyship is very long and - if you don't hold it - would require you entering into a battle with some care provider or local authority which must at present have been assigned the responsibility for making these decisions on your son's behalf. As a parent of an adult, you have a voice but not a vote unless you have been given power by the courts.

Then even if you do have deputyship - or lasting power of attorney - assuming that your son can't make the decision whether to go home for Xmas, then any decision has to be made in his best interest. What will he want to do? How familiar are you with his support needs? are you regularly going in to where he lives, so he feels close to you and trusts you? For a lot of autistic people, Christmas isn't a holiday but a hell where they're facing all sorts of extra demands to break their routines and to engage in social activity. And again, it's got to be in his best interest that there's a trusting relationship between his next-of-kin and his care manager.

[redsails in reply to Chocolate-heals-all]

Thank you to jofisher and everyone for your advice and support in relation to us bringing our son home for Christmas Day. I’ve just heard from his care provider and they have agreed he can come and spend the day with us. No stand aid, social worker or independent advocate needed. Happy Christmas and a peaceful new year to you all.

[deborahcoxsuckle]

You can rent equipment from Dorset nursing supplies. That where I my daughters giant adult nappies she's obese and can't leave her bedroom.