Anxiety & Depression

[Gandolfication]

I've had mounting anxiety which has led to depression (that's always the pattern for me), building over the last few weeks or month or two. It's mostly about my job which has gotten intensely stressful and about which I feel completely overwhelmed right now and to be honest, hopeless. A short breeze and feel my body tensing up each time. I make myself (as I have to now) sit down and do work.

Everything is labored. I always feel this sense of impending doom and I can going to make a mistake that will be inexcusable. And our company and department is in kind of a perfect storm right now after a reorganization, an acquisition, and now constant daily software, product updates and a major migration that is just pure chaos, and I'm new and work remotely and don't feel like I have the context or knowledge to help Shepherd this through. I have been in this same or similar place with jobs so many times in the past and it is the primary source of trauma I experience.

If I can just make myself focus and work intelligently on the things that are most important and keep plugging away, I might be able to survive it.

But honestly I'm not confident or sure I can do that. I guess I'm just going to have to live the only way I actually can one moment at a time. Got it hurts though.

I've been reading and trying to practice and work with professionals and stuff for years. Trying to figure out how to deal with this, and I don't know, the closest thing that I'm confident is right, but I often don't feel like I know exactly how to do in day-to-day moments is Stephen Hayes' work on acceptance and commitment therapy and accepting uncomfortable feelings including anxiety without resistance.

I'm posting here although this is really more about anxiety, because for reasons that have never been explained, I was banned sometime back in the depression anxiety forum I think for being too candid about suicidal ideations and feelings although I read the terms and I don't think I violated them with what was always ultimately I pro-life ethic I'll be at one to be open.and gain support, and despite reaching out to admins multiple times, I have never so much as heard back any response at all. That seems to be a weakness of this platform which I otherwise really like.

[LoveforAll41]

Well your post answered for me why this one isn't on the anxiety forum 😬. I hope that gets resolved. It is a weird space in mental health I guess where you have places for depression and talking about the worst of it gets you censored. I suppose that is what the hotlines are for.

Is your new job a new field for you or is it still law stuff? I had a breakdown in January because I think I finally realized I hate my job and I am not sure if I want to even do the job I was going to school for. School was the out for the job. Anyway, right now I am stuck because we have to qualify financially to keep the house that is under construction. I think I finally got to where I realized what I finally need though.

Anyway, my latest book is "The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook", have you heard of that one? I am not a big fan of the "love yourself" movement, but I think it is what I need. At the very least I can accept, respect, and be nice to myself. I'll have to go back and see if you have already tried Ketamine. I think that ride is something that forces you to let go and gives you a bit of perspective. I always wish you peace ☮️

[Ladypink68]

Do you have General Anxiety Disorder? It sounds like your mind is doing what people do with that type of anxiety. Your mind justs keeps going from one thing you're anxious about and then onto another topic. I'm only saying this because i have that type of anxiety. You sound so much like me when i was working. I was so depressed and they did everything they could to make me more stressed. Have you thought of taking any time off using the Family Leave Act? Research that cause i ended up taking like 6 weeks off. Are you taking any medications for your depression and anxiety? You might feel better about yourself if you have some time off even a few days. What you had to say resonated with my past work. I just signed up here about 45 mins ago. Good luck. I could tell you so much more but I've said so much already.