It's me, a "FRIEND"...

[spoiledwithlove]

It seems the only thing that's missing in my life right now is affection. But I don't understand that because I have a younger brother who I love so much as if he was my baby. Maybe I just wish we were little kids again so I can rock him back and forth again when I'd tell him to jump in my arms. Or, like the times when we went camping with our parents and all slept together as a family.. I never really felt that my parent's affection was clean, though... Father touching me inappropriately since I was little, Mom not giving a care, and eventually Mom holding my hand as if I was her husband?!!?? I'm still living with parents, and I'm too mentally crippled to live on my own. I grew up careless about my actions 90% of the time, which was influenced by an excuse I constantly repeated in my mind before I'd act without thinking: "Life has had no meaning since Dad did what he did to me as an infant...Feel free to do good things and bad things"..(This thought was extremely distorted, and it led to nothing but consequences)... And, I was reckless in all my ways. So reckless that I've grown up without close friends, or even close cousins. It's only my parents and I, every single day in the house I live in. I've been told, "you don't have any friends, do you??" by people my age who I became acquaintances with. Now I'm so scared to even try to become friends with new acquaintances..... If anyone can relate, may God be with you always!!!!!!!!!