Again

[Rufus07]

I’m spending this gorgeous day in bed….again! Everyone is floating on the river and here I lay. Will this ever end? I actually thought about going but then the thought of having an anxiety attack with so many people and no where to run stopped me. God please make this madness end!

[Midori]

Step 1. Get out of bed, hiding under the covers will get you nowhere. get a shower, get dressed and look respectable. Sit in your living room and watch the world go by (or the Olympics, if you prefer) But do Something. YOU have to take the first step; nobody can do it for you.

Cheers, Midori

[Rufus07 in reply to Midori]

the problem is I don’t know how to do that!! Most of the time it’s why bother getting up. What’s there to get up for? To sit on the couch? I no longer have anything I want or like to do. My sig other is basically single. I also have social anxiety so that doesn’t help. I even get anxiety when too many friends come to the house. I sit inside. I’m sorry for sounding, like I always do, like a broken record. I know what I have to do and hopefully I can do it sooner rather than later. I’d like to be a happy partner and friend like I was years ago! Thank you for your feedback, it’s greatly appreciated! Have a blessed day.

[Midori in reply to Rufus07]

Have you consulted with your doctor? He should be the first port of call as you appear quite stuck in your groove of depression.

Are you on any medication? It would help us to help you if we knew these things. Then, perhaps we could try to help.

Cheers, Midori

[Rufus07 in reply to Midori]

I’m seeing my doctor tomorrow, who is my med doctor. I’ve been on meds for 35 years. I’ve tried so many I’ve lost count. Last time I saw him he told me there’s really nothing else he can do for me. We do talk too. And you are very right. I am and have been stuck for so long! Maybe trying an alternative med might help. I’m up for pretty much anything at this point. I’ll let you know how tomorrow goes.🤞

[Rufus07 in reply to Midori]

Saw the doctor today. Decided to change my meds…again. Not too optimistic, but you never know! If this doesn’t help, I’m going to try TMS therapy.

[Raggedy-Ann]

Hi Rufus, start with small attainable daily goals. Put fresh linens on your bed, 15 min. It makes a difference emotionally, trust me. Then revel in the accomplishment- suck up and savor those good feelings. Next try to give your brain a vacation from the negative thoughts, read an easy fun book, or get an adult coloring book and crayons the colors are good for you to think about and it is a stressless way to pass some time. This might be hard but ask one person over for a chat, and work your way back to being social one person at a time. Hug your partner for more than 30 seconds a day- giving love and appreciation and receiving. It will be good for both of you and it will release some feel good magic in your brain. Start watching some videos about fighting depression, communication, anything you personally are interested in learning, add some articles that interest you so it will help you have something to talk about that is not about you. it feels good to be interesting. I hope some of this will help.

[Rufus07 in reply to Raggedy-Ann]

Thank you for the suggestions 🙂

[Zhangliqun]

Maybe just go to the river and watch. That way you can escape if you need to.

[Rufus07 in reply to Zhangliqun]

good idea! I might have to try that. Thank you!

[I_LOVE_TACOS]

Have you looked for a doctor who is certified in Spravato administration? ( It’s a nasal spray that can lift depression in hours) I finally found one about an hour and 45 minutes from me. I have an appointment with him this coming Friday and I’m excited about it! 🤞

I’m like you. I’ve been on meds forever and I have never felt like I have found the right one. I have baaaad social anxiety. I haven’t been to our family reunion in years. I can’t go shop at Walmart. I had to take Valium in order to be at my daughter’s wedding. It sucks!

Wishing you the best! 🍀

[Rufus07 in reply to I_LOVE_TACOS]

I looked into the Spravato on line but never went any farther. We do sound a lot alike. I can finally go to the grocery store cause I did research and figured out when they weren’t busy. I used to have to go to Walmart when I had my grocery card, but that’s gone now. I had to take Klonopin before I went. My stepson is getting married in 2 weeks and I’m making myself sick worrying about all the people that are going to be there! Will definitely be taking klonopin before we go. I might even drive separately in case it gets to overwhelming. Pretty sad it has to be like that!

[I_LOVE_TACOS]

I feel like we were separated at birth!👯‍♀️

Okay, if you don’t mind me asking…What meds are you on now? Maybe it’s something that I haven’t tried before and I can ask my doctor about. I feel like I am so desperate that I will try anything! (Except a lobotomy. Nope. I’m not dong that.). I have treatment resistant MDD and currently I’m on Cymbalta 60mg twice a day, Wellbutrin XL 300mg, Trintellix 10mg and Trazodone 100mg for sleep. That’s a buttload of meds! Why am I not better?! Uuuggghhh!

You are gonna rock this wedding coming up! You have to claim it! You got this, sister! Go ahead and plan what you can. Do you know what you are going to wear? How you want to do your hair? How long is it going to take you to get ready and what time do you need to start? Then think about what you might say to someone that asks the generic “How are you?” “What have you been up to?” “Now, who are you?”” Etc. Make sure you tell your partner ahead of time not to leave your side. I know you don’t want to be alone with all those strange people who may try to talk to you! Make sure to remind your partner to introduce you first before they start talking to someone you don’t know like Aunt Hilda who walks with a limp and smells like a litter box. Don’t overdo it on the meds. I swear I looked like I had drank a case of Mad Dog 20/20 in my daughter’s wedding photos! Yikes!

Lastly, I’m here if you need someone to talk to! Good luck!🍀

[Rufus07 in reply to I_LOVE_TACOS]

I’m on lamictal, weaning off of Paxil because he just changed me to Pristiq…risperidone, klonopin, estradiol for hormone replacement therapy, and levothyroxin for thyroid issues. Plus multivitamin and black cohosh for night sweats. My partners friends are going to be there too so they’ll all be drinking too much so I have drinking and driving to worry about too! The venue is a bit of a drive also. Attire wise…sundress and sandals….im not a do my hair person so nothing fancy. He has family coming from out of town so that adds to the anxiety. I feel like I always have to entertain and even though they are family, the social anxiety sets in bad! Thank you for the words of encouragement! I’ll let you know how it goes!

[I_LOVE_TACOS in reply to Rufus07]

Oh my! I am anxious for you! I definitely know how you feel. Feeling that you have to entertain will absolutely drain your batteries.

Does the klonopin really help with your anxiety? As I mentioned earlier, I take Valium. I still have anxiety when I take it, but I feel like I don’t give a rat’s azz. I always wonder if people can tell I’m on it. That adds even more anxiety!

Try not to stress out. Be proud of yourself when you get through it all. Reward yourself when it’s all over. That will give you something to look forward to. 🥳

[Rufus07 in reply to I_LOVE_TACOS]

Yes, the klonopin really helps me! It’s pretty long lasting too. My partner can tell when I take it. He will ask if I took them or a gummy. I can tell in my eyes. But as far as anyone else noticing, I don’t know. In all honesty, this is probably one of the only times I don’t care what people think!

[Rufus07 in reply to I_LOVE_TACOS]

I don’t think I can get through this wedding week! I’m in bed crying my eyes out unable to get out, the anxiety is out of the roof! Ever feel like your body is having emotional pain not physical? Very weird feeling. I don’t think I can do this, but I have to. I’m scared I’m going to be an emotional wreck and ruin the wedding. I wish they would have just gotten married in Vegas or the courthouse. It would have been so much less traumatic but I have to try to remember this isn’t about me. But how does one do that? I wish there was help for me. My partner goes back to work tomorrow, so the entertaining and cooking is even going to be worse. I’m sick to my stomach. Keep me in your prayers!

[I_LOVE_TACOS in reply to Rufus07]

Oh no!! I am so sorry you are going through this! And YES!, emotional pain is real and so hard to deal with. We’ve got to get you thru this! Call your practitioner’s office first thing in the morning. Tell them the wedding is coming up and you are a wreck. Maybe there is something they can do like medication to get you feeling better so you can function.

For me, the anticipation always kills me. I back out of things regularly but, for my daughter’s wedding, I knew I absolutely had to be there. It was so hard, but I made it thru and was secretly proud of myself for bundling up my fears and throwing them away.

Since you have been taking klonopin, your body may build up a resistance and the med may not be as effective as it once was. You may need a change in dosage or a different med.

Please take care of yourself everyday leading up to the wedding. Try to pamper yourself a little bit. Change all the negative self talk to positivity. Tell yourself you can do this and believe in yourself!

I’m still here if you need me🖤

[Rufus07 in reply to I_LOVE_TACOS]

I was bad today 😬. I smoked clove cigarettes over 30 years ago and I’ve been craving the clove taste so I went and bought a pack today! It took some looking cause most places don’t carry them anymore cause not many people smoke them anymore. I thought I would choke cause I’m not a smoker but I didn’t. They made me feel better than my klonopin. Scary cause I don’t want to start smoking again!