Rabbit Hole

[pearl033]

I didn’t know how to start this for i have too much to say. I need someone in my life who understands this suicidal rabbit hole i know i can’t b the only one. i honestly don’t care if my letters are capitalized or not, so scorn me or don’t, jus don’t waste your time n energy.

I made a voice memo about how i feel and have felt these past months, how living in general is exhausting. How we have too many options for too many things, by going from head to toe that’s probably 1M+ things you could choose from and have to decide what’s best for you.

I Can’t hang around family like i want to. They just aren’t on the same wave length as me. I don’t party, smoke, drink, talk abt nonsense, fuck around, play people. I tried it trust me and after drinking n smoking we hung out and i noticed every little detail and i just wanted to leave i felt so disgusted being present there. I felt out of body.

People my age, most of them just want fun, a quick fuck or fwb. I’m at that mental point in my life where i just want my one person to settle down with maybe travel before we buy a house. Maybe i have an old soul.

I’ve been thinking abt kms again.

But i want kids.

I want my own family and i want to LOVE, oh how i crave to love and be loved how i do.

I wish i was a cat, get fat like garfield and sit around all day, sunbathing and watching birds.

No

Stress.

Free

Life.

[Hidden]

What you are looking for is normal, it is what all should in some way be looking for. However, the reality of todays world is that people have started to choose a lie, a fantasy, a fake life. I do not know how or when this shit became the new normal, but its just getting worse. Everyone is just living a lie.

The even sadder thing is that no matter how much they choose this shit show of a life, in the end, the realities of life will hit them hard. Time and age gets us all... We may choose to live as if we are immortal and that we have control over everything, but in the end, life does not give a shit about what we choose.

Ignore the realities of life when you are young, and life will do the same to you as your youth leaves you...

Happy to still see people like you though.

Hope there will be more.

Best of luck to you

[Downinil in reply to Hidden]

Pathfinder! Awesome reply!

[Cookie2217]

I can understand where you are as I was young like you once not so very long ago. Way back then when I dated my quote on quote First supposed love I put all of my energy effort and everything that I had into that relationship and got my heart broken into pieces. Everyone wants that relationship where they feel safe and secure and loved beyond measure. Please try not to be in such a rush to find it you will soon enough I myself married my crush when I was 11 years old and he was 16 so he had no interest in me I was a kid and our paths crossed again through fate years and years later and we wound up getting married when I was 36 and he was 42 and I'm actually glad that I waited because there are so many that got married young that are now divorced separated or worse and I feel that after or 18 years of marriage thus far that it's just only begun which is a good thing it doesn't seem like 18 years too Paul or myself which means that we're doing things right. Trust me life isn't all a Bowl of Cherries 100% of the time we have our times where we bicker but we love each other and spend so much time together because we generally enjoy each other's company. Paul make sure to tell me everyday that I'm beautiful and even though I don't believe it it makes me feel so good and I love him so much for that he'll never really know how much it means to me. And then I sit and wonder I have this wonderful marriage how could I be as depressed as I am and not want to get out of bed this depression has stolen so much from me all these years so maybe I just have to get tough with it and stand up to it and not let it keep me down any longer enough is enough my last bout that I'm currently in has lasted 4 years and it's the longest of my life. Just know that you're not alone, that you matter that you are worthy and you are deserving of a special loving partner and even if it takes a little while try your best to be patient because all good things come to those who wait so they say. Please let us know how you're feeling and I wish you health and well-being take care of yourself okay my dear.