Looking back

[Cleaner]

I was looking back at some of my old posts from when I joined 10years ago, my depression and anxiety was bad . Ten years later after two lots of counselling and one cause of CBT and still on 3 different antidepressants I couldn't believe that after all this my depression hasn't got better The same feelings of wanting to die (infact suicidal thoughts are more intense), and hating myself haven't gone away. The only thing I can say about it, Is that I'm still alive so it has worked for that unfortunately . I don't want to be here I've had enough with the consent battle which goes on in my head with the challenging thoughts it's very tiring and drags you further down, always miserable putting on a happy face for your family so they don't no how your truely feeling . I am sorry if this all sounds boring I could go on and on.

[Oxygen818]

I definitely understand how you feel….and I really hope you do not ever give up…..you’ve been strong enough so far….. you’re resilient 🤗

[Spiritanimal]

Cleaner I am so sorry that you are suffering in this way. I have struggled with MDD for many years also, and have had periods of remission but also long stretches of just being in unrelenting emotional pain. The last few weeks I have been in a bad place. I too have thoughts of wanting to just end things. I try to do things like listening to affirmations, meditation, exersize. It can be hard to know what to do with one’s self. One thing that I know is true, is that everything changes, and sometimes that thought gives me enough strength to fight through another day.

Please know that you are not alone 💗

[Cleaner in reply to Spiritanimal]

Thankyou is does help knowing I'm not a lone.

[raisin44]

I understand how you feel, I have major depressive disorder and anxiety. I ride a miserable roller coaster ride of emotions that is overwhelming. I am so sad a lot. I’m in therapy and have tried many combinations of pills. I have had depression most of my life. Iwas on Effexor for 17 years and it quit working. Then my husband had an affair so the major depression set in bad. We divorced but I still love him and want him back. He says he loves me but hasn’t ask me to move back yet. We divorced in December last year. My heart aches for him. We were together for 36 years, and he had at least 3 maybe 4 affairs. And yet I still love him.