Feeling lost and undeserving.

[Raelyn71]

So this morning I had these thoughts as I was headed in to work. Which just through me off all day. First off I want to say I am thankful for this group. I started therapy a month ago and I am beginning to feel like I have given enough time to decide if this person is right for me. Which I do not. All the do is give me handouts and tell me things to do. Like look in the mirror and say to each body part how grateful I am of each and spend 10 minutes. Are you freaking kidding me!!! I CANT STAND TO VERY GLANCE LET ALONE 10 MINUTES STARING AT MYSELF. Forget that. But that's not what I wanted to really talk about here. I am just all over the place.

Back to this morning... as I was driving into work, I was thinking about the things I need done around the house that my ex would do. Or any male partner would do if living with them. The list is so long it's overwhelming. Especially when I can barely take care of myself and go to work.

So I thought maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea if I wasn't in a long distance relationship, that I could call on all my male friends individually and have them do the things I need done around my house. But I don't have any extra money for stuff like that. I could just trade services... like they do the work I need and I service them or have sex with them. That wouldn't be all that bad. Right. I have put up with worse things. At least this way I'm giving it up and it's not being taken.

Thanks for listening and letting me voice my thoughts. I don't expect any responses. But if you want I will listen.

[Raggedy-Ann]

Hi R, what ever you need done you can do it. You don't need a dick to swing a hammer. DIY projects are empowering. You can find (how to) videos on almost everything. My dad told me if one person can put it together, another can take it apart. He. was teaching me how to fix my carburetor. It took me 8 hours. I started by building a walk-in closet in my basement. Eventually I started flipping houses. What seems impossible isn't. I am a girly girl.

[Raelyn71 in reply to Raggedy-Ann]

Hi Ragged-Ann, Thanks for reminding me. I have done things by myself. Like building planters, train table when my kids were young, and I have done my own landscaping and remodeling. So I know I can do it myself. I just need to make a list and work it one weekend at a time.