People seem to instinctively know I am broken.

[Raggedy-Ann]

~I have tried and tried to meet people. I've joined groups, started groups and I watch other people making friends. I see them going places together , places I suggested. I ran into one gal from the group I started. We were in the bakery she was looking for a coffee cake. She told me about a group of friends were going to the movies and she wanted to invite everyone over afterward for coffee and cake, then she left. I felt like such a loser. yesterday two co-workers lied to me about something stupid and I caught them in the lie. People seem to avoid me, dismiss me, and even be mean.

I am so f-n depressed. I don't want to leave the house anymore. I am running out of..............

words

[Scarlett28]

I feel your pain. I am resorting to moving back with my narcissistic ex. He has been my only constant while I’ve been on my own for a year. Now that I’m moving back in , all the bad behavior is coming back. All I can do is cry, so broken and scared.

[Raggedy-Ann in reply to Scarlett28]

Hugs. I am still chatting with my ex narcissist but happily there's 250 miles between us. He wants to come visit>I said no. It is hard but I have done a lot of work to get here. alone

[Scarlett28 in reply to Raggedy-Ann]

I admire your courage. Gardening and playing with dogs sounds wonderful.

[Bee1232 in reply to Scarlett28]

wow, I really thought I was the only one that felt that way. People see me coming and I feel like they run. They have never even met me. I have MDD meds work for a while then they poop out. 53 female NV wish I had a friend. Single. I go to work like a robot and come back home. I’m really trying to live life but it is soo difficult sometimes.

[downinthecrud]

I’m sorry RA. I’m in the same boat. So hard to meet people at 58. Definitely has an effect on mood. Wish online connections were enough, but they’re not. They help, but not the same. I think all humans need physical nurturing through life.

[Raggedy-Ann in reply to downinthecrud]

Yes, some actual face to face time would be so nice. There are some events this weekend I could go to...alone. I might try to get out and see the car show, or go to the comedy festival. I say that now but it is so hard for me to leave the house. But hey, I am invisible.

[downinthecrud in reply to Raggedy-Ann]

No, you are not invisible. But I understand you saying that. It takes such courage to go somewhere alone. I’m not good at it either.

[Raggedy-Ann in reply to downinthecrud]

I stayed home.

[downinthecrud in reply to Raggedy-Ann]

That’s ok RA. We have to give ourselves grace that we are going through trauma dealing with our mental issues. Can I ask what things you do that you would define as self care? Feel free to message me directly 🙂

[optimismrus]

I've felt the way you do. It's an awful way to feel. I tried to remember that I am my own best friend. Looking for happiness thru others didn't work. I hope you'll find new ways to enjoy life that aren't reliant on others. Do you have a philosophy or religion you follow? If you can find a church that feels good, it can be a great place to find community. Best wishes 🥰

[NeuroSeeker in reply to optimismrus]

Such a perilous search! My earliest memories of gossip, hypocrisy, and lack of empathy come from being raised in a church. Careful careful careful.

[Raggedy-Ann]

I garden, and work on my house and play with my dogs. I always have the tv on because I can't handle silence. I am existing. I would love to have a friend.

[Hidden in reply to Raggedy-Ann]

hi im sorry you are struggling when i was younger i was shy and i only had the one friend from age 4 i did have others used to go out with te drinking budies made along the way,but i dont go out now just have the one friend still, my mam has no friends we saw at library a over 5os club is there anything like that you could try, or night day classes making friends is about having things in common like hobbies and dog walking is good if yu have a park it can take ages to link up with suitable ones please just keep trying and summer is best time to get out socialising i went swimming last summer got chatting to some only in there and if you on hu try join in on subjects yiu can relate to re the saying where theres life theres hope hope kept me going through a really rough few years take care 😊

[NeuroSeeker in reply to Raggedy-Ann]

Me, too. Finding friends as an adult (especially if you're introverted and depressed!) is so hard.

[Herewegoagain12 in reply to Raggedy-Ann]

Hi RA. It's like you read my mind. I also cannot stand the silence, always tv on in the background. I had to walk away from my friends because they were drinking buddies and I am now 7 years sober. I cant work due to chronic illness, and cannot eat out because of the diet I must stay on for my kidneys. I miss having someone to talk to and do things with.

[Dolphin14]

I'm sorry you are going through this.

A thought came to mind when I was reading. Have you ever been the one to initiate a gathering? Ask one or two out for coffee or something? I'm just wondering if things might be different if you extend the invite.

I agree with TwinklyStar as far as getting to the park with your dog. Dog people are very social and the conversation starts off with dog chat. This is a subject you know so much about being a dog parent.

I've heard of Garden Clubs. I know nothing about these but I assume it's for like minded people.

Do you like to read? There may be a book club you could join. You don't have to be an avid reader to get involved.

I hope you can find something that makes you happy

🐬

[Hidden in reply to Dolphin14]

hi Dollhin yes i know what you mean about asking someone to do something i think its hard at first but like if one was in the same place a few times like swimmin or some interest of common then would feel more at ease i lack assertivenes on this at first, as with on here i take time to initiate friendships some i made on here after 3 years i feel time takes time and often fate can have a helping hand 😊

[Dolphin14 in reply to Hidden]

I agree with you Twinklystar. Friendships form for multiple reasons, some last some don't.

The poster mentions starting groups and joining groups. That's why I posed the question of initiating something like the others have done.

But, you are right that some may hit it off better than others and find a circle of connection.

[Raggedy-Ann in reply to Dolphin14]

I started a singles group, joined the chess club, joined the walking group, the writer's group, read at the poetry festival, tried the knitting group, gone to the parades, music festivals, open mic, ... I've tried.. I suck.

[Dolphin14 in reply to Raggedy-Ann]

You certainly have put your effort into this. Thank you for sharing what you have done

Have you taken your dogs to the dog park? It may not sound like much but bonds can be formed there.

[PeaceNeed in reply to Raggedy-Ann]

You have done more than me. My dog is in heaven now he left in 2021. I cant keep up anymore.

[PeaceNeed in reply to Raggedy-Ann]

Hi RAIm alone and been on site for awhile. Its very hard to make friend especially if you have MzDD and GAD.

[NeuroSeeker]

I recognize that feeling.

My friends have mostly forgotten about me. It's very lonely.

[Herewegoagain12]

I forgot to mention fresh air is my friend. Opening my blinds and window and listening to the birds helps me get out of bed

[Existing in reply to Herewegoagain12]

A walk might be good for me and my dog, to get some fresh air. Thanks for suggestion. I need it now more than ever.

[Raggedy-Ann]

first thing I do when I wake up is go outside with my dogs. I need that fresh air to cool my skin, then pee, then coffee. I feel really worn out today, I can barely lift my feet.

[Existing]

Raggedy Ann, I feel the same way where I live. I really just exist, meaning I can't win if I try, I can't survive if I lose.. I can't stop trying to create a life of meaning and substance to make my depression tolerable, and since every attempt is like the ones you describe, I get so angry and feel so defeated that I have to shut down and simply retreat into the isolation of my life, which is equally unbearable. Thats not enough to keep me living. I'm having a real hard time ignoring life right now. Who does that anyway? Who has to ignore everything about their existence just to prevent them from turning in their keys and checking out?

[Raggedy-Ann in reply to Existing]

I am ticking off days, years. I have a little routine I stick to everyday. I am going to run out of money in the next year or so Then game over unless I get disability.

[PeaceNeed in reply to Raggedy-Ann]

I wish you well and your diability comes thru.

[PeaceNeed in reply to Existing]

Im just existing like you say. I want out badly. Isolation makes it worse add onto that family rejection.

[PeaceNeed]

I feel the same way. People get frustrated with depression and they can react with hostility making you feel worse.

[PeaceNeed in reply to PeaceNeed]

Thats exactly what has happened. Cptsd also makes you paranoid so you misjudge other peoples intentions.

[Sylvain-]

Hi Raggedy-Ann. Sorry for joining the conversation late. I discovered your message by hanging on HealthUnlocked. I am not very well these days, and discussing here with people sharing the same difficulties and state of mind is like a life buoy.

You have all my support and understanding. Even when I still had to go into the outside world for school or work, I often felt I was invisible. Now that I barely leave home, I can't even say things are worst: I miss no one, and no former colleagues or classmates ever tried to reach me.

And indeed, people seem to instinctively know they should avoid me. No one said hello. No one talked to me unless they wanted something. For a few years, I had to take public transportation daily. No one wanted to sit next to me as long as there were other seats. I early realized I was ghastly or repelling. As a teenager, I thought it was about my appearance. Being a small, fat, and ugly boy was already difficult at that age. I later realized it was also my body language. People seem to know by instinct by your posture and the way you behave, you will not be someone they would like to talk to. And even less spend time with.

With age, things are even worst. I meet no one. I speak to no one. For 5 or 6 years, I pick up my son daily at school. No other parent even saluted me. And I was too shy to take the first step. Anyway, I understand it would be a burden to them to talk with me: they are all fit and in good shape, good-looking, younger than me, talking together about their various social activities, and overall enjoying their life. I stand there, alone, with a closed face. Invisible. At least it is better than at school since I do not have to endure their mockeries. But it is sad, nevertheless.

So, Raggedy-Ann, I understand you very well. Unfortunately, I have nothing helpful to share beyond my support. 🙏