It makes me feel ever so slightly stupid when I slow down and suddenly remember I have Lupus. I ignore it but its comes back, I choose to carry on like nothing is wrong that a rash isn't eating up most of my skin on my body and not taking my medication is going to help me? Because obviously in my head I am miss indestructible and can do anything?!...
Finally got a job two months ago it may not be where I want to be it sure is a lot of fun and hard work making shakes all day. Plus its full time for me at 30hrs a week. Though it makes me sick the stomach to say to you all I've been ill 3 times already one with just plain fatigue and achey-ness and second with a summer cold.
I hate those back to work interviews, mine was basically saying I cant do any more hours then I'm doing because they are worried for me. I want to finally move out of my parents pay off debt and be an adult except this Lupus is keeping me from it.
I eat a lot to comfort my self even though I know there's worse off people then me out there I still self pity and loath everything about me atm. ( harsh words I know)
Can it be I am doomed to working less being skint and living with the parents until prince charming whisks me off into sunset?
Meh sounds like a 1950's dream... kinda would make things easier but wheres the fun in that hey? Ultimately I'm always trying to look after my self but i seem to only be able to do one thing at a time or my mind explodes and I go sluggish and so work is my life atm trying to incorporate exercise back in once this cold goes just some light walking to work.
I want to say I'm really really happy right now.. well i'm proud i'm keeping a job but at same time waiting for a negative to happen to take it away from me.
On wards and up wards they say.. for us Lupies and on wards ... on wards... rest .. on wards... rest... rest ... on wards UPWARDS!! ... down wards.
Just ranting I know stuff could be worse.
Love to everyone xx