Aloof Manager or am I being too sensitive? - LUPUS UK


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Aloof Manager or am I being too sensitive?

eunidarling profile image
20 Replies

Hello Guys

Hope you are all keeping well and try to be positive...

So, following sending my letter to my manager that I am to Shield for 3 months, all the response I received was: 'Will you be working from home during this period?'

I have every intention of working from home on my usual part time schedule during the three months of shielding but I expected at least to be asked: 'How are you?' or even the usual niceties or email politeness included. However, I received just the single line of response as above.

Guys, please do reply as perhaps I am being too sensitive with all that is going on.

Thank you and kindest regards

20 Replies

So many different personalities in the world. Maybe your boss is feeling so overwhelmed by all of this he didn’t think to be sensitive? Maybe he’s had other employees getting a hold of him and telling him that they also can’t come in, and he’s so focused on how to handle this and keep the business running that he didn’t think to be polite? And then, some people just really aren’t the warm and fuzzy type.

But you have us, and we care.

How are you doing?

eunidarling profile image
eunidarling in reply to

Hello Pal

You have made me feel better with your response as I had felt like hobbling into the garden and screaming 'Cold hearted Manager'!!!. I think i was having a meltdown (laugh)

However, I am now looking at this from the managers aspect a bit (smile).

Thanks for being there as it really helps in these anxious times.

Take care

in reply to eunidarling

We are all here to lean on each other, and you are absolutely welcome! 🙏

My best to you.

PMRpro profile image

Better than what one lady was told by her GP "If you flare you flare and we'll deal with that when all this Covid ***** is over" (not lupus by the way).

You are probably not the only person they need to sort out with home working and they are stressed too. And maybe equally as frightened as anyone else, especially if they or other family members are in the vulnerable group.

It wasn't ideal - but I don't think it was personal. Show you are better than that.

eunidarling profile image
eunidarling in reply to PMRpro

Thanks so much, I am seeing it from different aspects.

Take care

Kevin53 profile image

Now, whenever I get frustrated or annoyed with someone’s actions, I remind myself that I don’t really know what’s going on in their life. I try to take a breath, not take it personally, and trust that they are doing the best they can. Best wishes Kevin

Krazykat26 profile image
Krazykat26 in reply to Kevin53

Yes Kevin 🤗

Great advice!! 👏😽😽Xx

eunidarling profile image
eunidarling in reply to Kevin53

Thanks so much Kevin. That is most helpful and I think I will adopt this attitude advised.

Take care

Krazykat26 profile image

Courteous reply to said manager to tell him that yes u do intend to work from home...he/she will probably breath a big sigh of relief!!

Difficult times for everyone 🤗😽😽xx

Take care 🌈🌈

eunidarling profile image
eunidarling in reply to Krazykat26

Definitely will be a big sigh of relief.

Thank for your response and take care too

tree_shadow profile image

Managers can get a lot of emails and can have to be dealing with a lots of different threads. He or she seems to me to just be replying in the way he or she might reply to other managers. Keeping it short, to the point and asking for the information they need. Which in this case is whether you can still work.

I would recommend simply answering that you can work from home and wish him or her a good weekend.

eunidarling profile image
eunidarling in reply to tree_shadow

Thanks so much for response and it is very helpful.

Take care

Ruby3333 profile image

No your not x

eunidarling profile image
eunidarling in reply to Ruby3333

Hello Ruby

Thanks for your message which is very reassuring indeed.

Take care

happytulip profile image

I think everyone is under alot of stress and strain at the moment. I expect your manager is spinning many many plates.

Try not to take it too personally. I truly believe that people aren't inherently bad, but the bad side of us all can come out in difficult and stressful times.

I know that I am impatient and get exasperated with people when I am in alot of pain and I dislike myself for it.

Put it down to your boss being under stress and put it behind you. Don't let the stress of it all set you immune system into dysfunctional party mode. That won't help you x

eunidarling profile image
eunidarling in reply to happytulip

Thanks for explaining from another viewpoint which is very positive indeed.

Best wishes and take care

SurferGuy profile image

I managed for many many years. I can tell you it's one helluva tough job.

To date, I've kept my condition almost entirely secret. It's on a need-to-know basis. No one on any of the teams I managed knew I was living with this condition. When I would have sickness absence discussions with staff I'd get told many a time that I don't know what it's like being sick, feeling cr4ppy etc. I've been accused of bullying. Not understanding. Pretty much everything.

Where I managed, we had very strict sickness procedures we had to follow. Not following them would have a negative impact on us. There were cases where I strongly felt procedures were wrong and I'd go against them and take the consequences at the end of the year. But that's me. I don't stand for injustice, unfairness, wrong-doing etc. But a lot of mangers were not like that. They were too afraid to go against rules and procedures. That's wrong!

And there were also those managers who were and are downright bullies, who take the power for granted and just make some staff's lives hell.

eunidarling if you're comfortable speaking with your manager, I suggest you keep him/her up to date. What I've done in the past with dragon-like managers is I send an informal catch up email. Ask how they are doing, have a quick chat about the football or films or anything they're in to. Give them an update on work. And in a positive way state how my health is. If it's crappy, I tell them, but also state what I'm doing to to overcome the aches and pain. And with the dragon managers who just don't understand, every-so-often I chuck in the "I'm feeling horrible, I'm in severe pain, starting to feel a little down... but s0d it, trying my darnedest to overcome this and will continue to do so...."

BUT BUT BUT you have to tailor your approach to each individual person.

eunidarling profile image
eunidarling in reply to SurferGuy

Hello SurferGuy,

l was smiling reading your response.

Thanks so much for replying as the information shared will really be an important guide at work and a valuable resourceful tool.

I think l was quite hurt by what l presumed to be an indifference as frankly l have been really scared with this COVID-19 issue.

I think l was particularly upset with the manager because she knew all that l have been going through and how l had coped through the ups and down to work above and beyond what was expected of me. No sickness absence for past 3 years even during flares.

I will keep you particular phrase:

“You have to tailor your approach to each individual person”

Thanks so much.

Take care and stay safe

SurferGuy profile image
SurferGuy in reply to eunidarling

You're most welcome :) And please give a shout whenever you need any advice relating to work stuff.

eunidarling profile image
eunidarling in reply to SurferGuy

Hello SurferDuy

Thanks for so much and I will definitely keep in touch.

Take care and stay safe

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