Hi,
Am in a process to get divorce. My family think that because I am ill it will be so much harder for to cope. I have lupus sle, fibromyalgia and addison's disease. I can't cope in unhappy marriage anymore. I hope one day to find true love. Should I let my health stopping me from divorcing?
You want a divorce get one you need to be happy
I’ve been single 5 years, yes it’s a struggle with 3 children but I get through it. I hear from some others that even being in a relationship they feel so alone. Not sure if that is how you feel
X
I feel very lonely I even sleep on my own. There's no intimacy for many many years. 😔
I do often wonder how relationships survive. I’m pretty much switched off from intimate relationships.
Have you both tried relationship counselling?
It would be worth investigating if it’s your illness that is causing you both distance from each other, or if there are other reasons for it?
Whatever it maybe do not blame yourself, it takes 2 people to make a relationship work .
X
We haven't been sleeping together for 10 yrs and stayed for the children. I only had lupus for approximately 3 year. He costantly refuses sex. 😔 I tried everything to understand why.
I can’t even press like to this comment . Have you been to speak to anyone about this? Self therapy?
This situation must be a strain on your own self confidence and esteem x
My self esteem is below zero. We tried relate, sex therapist counselling. Honestly I tried to be patient and understanding for far too long. Nothing motivates him. I felt ashamed and lost my dignity as a woman. I wonder if he is asexual or closet gay. No idea. When I asked him why he doesn't want sex he says he doesn't know. X
Well that reply isn’t going to help you.
Maybe try and find your own therapy for just you. You May have the answer already but it covered it over. You don’t deserve to feel this type of rejection. It maybe a form of mental abuse 🤷♀️
Suffering with an illness can make you feel isolated without this added pressure
X
I had counselling and was eye opening. Really helped me. That's why I decided I deserve more. I just a little scared xx
Ok so you’ve recently come to this conclusion with talking it through?
If you really feel so alone already, you are already used to coping alone . Look into the future, you either allow your self to grow and be happy, or you stay in a place where your happy self maybe buried forever. No one can predict what the outcome maybe. Have you told him you want a divorce?
Some people can change when they are faced with reality. He maybe taking you completely for granted assuming you’d never leave . X
Last year I went to the solicitors and told him. He promised to change but obviously nothing changed. I told him I am leaving now and as usual he said he will change x
Looks like my comment did not post yesterday. Is there somewhere you can stay or him for a short time to see how you both manage being separated? X
No really x
That’s no good. Sometimes you can find yourself just by taking time away from your everyday surroundings
If you need someone to talk to over the phone at Anytime, please message me. Life is too short to be stuck in a place that doesn’t bring you happiness x
Do you get on whilst living together, or not? It can’t just be the lack of sex making you unhappy.
Can you meet him somewhere neutral, outside of the house, and talk to him like a friend. After all these years you must know him well. Ask him if he wants to have another life. Don’t discuss sex!
Start from the point that you both need a future and it may not be together. Take sex out of the conversation, you won’t get an answer from him. Stay friends for the kids. Much easier in the long run. Let us know how it goes. Good luck.
Its not just sex I don't have a connection with him anymore. I feel lonely when I am with him. He hardly talks and he's short tempered too. On our wedding anniversary he won't even take me out on a meal. My daughter pushed him to take me out and when we sat down at the pub all he did was moan about work etc. I tried to hold his hand but I don't think he noticed. No kissing or hugs. Even that night I went to bed on my own x
I am so sorry. Suggest a separation is all I can say. If you are coping whilst you are being made to feel so low then you can survive his leaving. Ask him to leave. Do it sooner rather than later ! Best of luck
I am so sorry you are going thru this. You could be me. I also have Lupus, Addison’s, FM,MCTD. I’ll tell you about life after my divorce. My husband left with no explanation after 15 years of marriage, never spoke to me again. Assume he just got tired of living with sickness. After grieving I realized I was so much happier with only me to worry about and take care of. I lived how I wanted, did or didn't’ do what I wanted when I wanted. Misery=stress, which is really bad for Lupies. Be sure divorce is the best thing for you and then follow your head, not your heart. Your family doesn’t get to make this decision.
Your post is a month old, how are you?
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