I need advise, lifestyle related, not lupus related!

Hi all, I need advise, it's nothing to do with my health as such, but you're such a nice bunch of people and I just need to vent to people that don't know me or my family and hopefully get some unbiased opinions on my situation!

So basically, for those that don't know me, I recently sold my horse, with symptoms and fatigue getting worse I didn't feel I was giving her the best life, she has thankfully gone to amazing new owners that love her already. But now I have a new dilemma. I've been with my fella for just over a year, he's been living in a room within a house of other people renting rooms, not ideal, but he didn't have the money for anything else. Over the last few months I've been staying at his 4 nights a week, 3 of those with my dog. He was in the Navy and was put on a housing list and has now just been offered a 2 bedroom flat to rent for the rest of his life on very reasonable rent. BUT, it's another 40 min drive away from where I live, I already drive 50 mins to get to him now, and I wouldn't be able to take my dog as there are no pets allowed. So as far as I can see I have 3 options. 1. Just visit him at weekends, without my dog, and hope my parents will be ok with looking after him, but they won't do that every weekend and I work every other saturday all day, and I'd have to go home sunday eve as too far to drive before work monday morning. 2. Stop seeing him and stay living with my parents and my dog. 3. Move in with my fella, find a new job nearby and hope one of my friends or family will take on my dog. All 3 options end up with me being broken hearted in one way or another but I can't see any other options? Oh and just to add in as well, my fella has been so supportive of my lupus, he's so helpful and so understanding, where as my parents feel I constantly moan when there's nothing wrong with me! I'm the young one and should be running round after them :(

Please, any advice? Any other options that you guys can see that I can't? Thank you.

5 Replies

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  • Tough Dilemma. I feel for you. Support and help is so important with Lupus. Not sure how old you are but if this guy is the one I vote for #3. Hope you find a good home for the dog. This may sound callus but the dog has a shorter life span than either you or your guy. Do what is best for you. Sorry your parents are not supportive. That sucks!!

  • Hi MelAlice, the one bit of advice I would give you is hang on to that fella!!! He is supportive, helpful and most importantly understanding of you Lupus, believe me fellas like that are few and far between. My husband has been there at my side since I was diagnosed at 29, we had only been married 6 years, he is the one puts my socks on in the morning when I can't, sorts out my medication when my brain fog hits and fights my corner with Drs etc when necessary. I love all my family members and my 2 dogs but he is the one who makes life with these horrible conditions liveable. Good luck with your decision making.

  • Your fella is a keeper anyone who can give you support is worth fighting for,shame about your parents. As for your dog know it's hard giving up a pet but your life with your fella is the way forward. Hope you don't let the stress of your very hard decision effect your health.

    Good luck


  • I can't know the exact ins and outs of your situation but I have to agree with the others that a good bloke is more than worth his weight in gold! I wouldn't cope without my now husband - who is truly amazing. If you feel this relationship is for the long-term then option 3 seems to offer you the most. I say this as a dog lover but also as the third owner of our last dog, a springer who sadly died too young of spleen cancer - despite it being his third home he was one of life's truly happy little souls; so if you can find a good home for yours, he/she will continue to thrive. Best wishes.

  • Thanks everyone! I do feel like Chris is 'the one' we get on so well and now I can sit back and look at the situation I would be more devastated to loose Chris than to have to rehome Stan and I work in a vets so I'm certain I can find the right person for him :) thank you all again, it really helped even just to write it all down and get it out of my head, if that makes sense! Xx

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