Over the past 20 odd years of suffering the symptoms (and many variants) that we are all so familiar with, I have very (all too) often given into the external pressures of work, or more often my own stupid(man the provider) pride and as soon as the worst of any flare has subsided I have returned to work. More often than not I have coped with the fogginess and forgetfulness and pain, and managed to slowly recover to the point of relative normality within the stressful environment within which I had become accustomed. Then slowly the memory of the worst of any flare would fade into distant memory. I would even manage to ignore or cope with the initial warning signs of any oncoming flare, and yes even cope through some of them, telling myself that recovery was only a day or so away and that if I could just make it to weekend and not take work home with me then I could rest and everything would be better next week. Sometime I was right, sometimes I was wrong, but I also all too often would hide behind my worst and most obvious symptom (abscesses) and the medication given for those. Sometimes it wold be days, sometimes weeks or even months before I would be unwell again. But managing it this way I always knew that a flare was never far away and I found myself, for several years on end measuring my life from one flare to another. Sometimes I would flare very badly and end up in hospital once again being cut, these occasions however always resulted in me taking extra time and care and at least being a long way into recovery before I would attempt to go back to work. Funny how these more serious events and extended recovery time always seemed o be followed by a prolonged period of relative wellness.
Yes I have spent several years kidding both myself and anyone who cared to ask that I was alright, I just had this nasty habit of getting abscesses every now and then. And anyway at least I never had a cold! (I can't remember the last time that I did). But maybe it's the onset of age, maybe a rare attack of common sense (being a man I very much doubt it), but this time, even though I now feel like I am beginning to pull out of it, this time I am not going to give into the pressure, nor my pride. No this time I have taken the time, effort, and sheer persistence to finally find out what this is and to start to deal with it properly, be that through medication or whatever means, this time I am going to get this sorted and either accepted or (dependent on the diagnosis) beaten.
No more kidding myself