help to prepare

[seagulls123]

Hi all, unfortunately my dad has been given the news that there isn't long left, we are devastated and I'm finding it hard to think straight. I was wondering if there was sort of a step by step guide for the practical things we need to get in order? His funeral is all arranged however any other practical tip would be appreciated. Xx

[Frodoles]

I am so very sorry to hear this. I am not sure about tips but things that will need to be done. Advising banks and any other institutions - stopping payments from the bank and payments that are regularly paid in. For instance pensions. When I did this for my parents it was useful to have multiple death certificates as they are needed to verify the death to any where like the bank. Do you know where his will is? You may need that for probate.I hope this is the sort of thing you wanted. I really feel for you. Just take it slowly, get support from other family members if you can. Just deal with what you can deal with. Go at your own pace and most of all look after you.

[21_er]

So sorry to hear this, the thing that helped us when mother passed was an official website called say it once it will guide you through x

[JanetteR57]

Sorry that your family is in this situation - important to be there for one another.

Having lost my partner's parents a year apart unexpectedly (1999 and 2000 who were 69 and 70) then my younger sister (40) in 2001, my niece (33) (2019) and more recently my older sister (66) last August, with all of them being sudden deaths, none had made any preparations which made it quite hard for those left behind. Each one had different circumstances but there were common requirements.

Although the funeral may be sorted, there are often details that haven't been considered - e.g. if a cremation, would they want their ashes scattered, interred or something else? I know this question sent my mum into quite a spin of distress when the undertaker asked this when I took them to register my younger sister's death.

With my older sister, she'd recently nursed a friend who'd had cancer who wasn't expected to make it. Her son (my nephew) found it a great comfort to talk to him as they'd discussed funeral wishes with each other even if we hadn't found anything written down from my sister so he was able to plan her funeral based on those conversations. It meant we had a celebration of her life, didn't wear black, had a wicker coffin and contemporary music and a humanistic service rather than a religious one.

I suggested he get several copies of the death certificate for the various bodies. you have to notify - and he used the TellusOnce service which helped but that doesn't work for things like blood donation, AA/RAC, opticians, driving licence, passport and many other services. See if you can find out about such things before the time comes so you know what's needed and where paperwork is kept. It's practical rather than morbid. I was surprised how much easier it now is to notify people online and scan documents rather than when I had to traipse to banks for house deeds for example and take death certificates in person. The pandemic has meant many of the bureacratic hurdles have been simplified. Many organisations like energy providers have a specific department to sort out bereavements now.

This link may help you and there are guides online and books about what to do when someone dies. Which consumer magazine publishes a book on it as do others. roycastle.org/help-and-supp...

Do spend time with him, to comfort him and be there - administration can be attended to when the time comes even if it's made easier by putting some things in place beforehand but saying the things you want to, being present can comfort you later and weren't opportunities we were afforded with my family's sudden deaths.

Thinking of you all at this challenging time.

[RoyCastleHelpline Partner Ask the Nurse Roy Castle]

So sorry to hear about the difficult time your dad and all the family are facing. There have been some great responses and am sure they will have helped you in what direction to go.

JanetteR57 kindly provided our link which contains the link to the National Bereavement Services, they detail what to do before, during and after and provide a support service for anyone: roycastle.org/help-and-supp...

This is understandably a difficult and distressing time for everyone and please do not hesitate to contact ask the nurse if you would like to discuss anything, you can email us at [e-mail] or call our free phone number on 0800 358 7200 Monday to Thursday 0900-1700 and Friday 0900-1600

Thinking of you all at this difficult time, and hope some beautiful memories are shared between you and your dad.

The Roy Castle Support Team