how do I cope

[Paristomasmicheal]

my 58 year old husband has lung cancer which has spread to his brain, I was told he had weeks to live in November, he has made Xmas with all his family but apart from bad coughing and dizziness he is amazing still managing to go out for hour or so but I know he’s going to die soon he doesn’t know this. I’m petrified every single hour day

[Cosmic54]

OMG my heart goes out to you, make the most of every single moment you have together. I’m sending virtual hugs to both of you. xx

[Paristomasmicheal in reply to Cosmic54]

🙏💔

[Eglingham]

I'm so sorry to hear about your husband 💔 are you in touch with Macmillan nurses? They truly are great and can support you in many way's. Make every day count hun. Sending love and prayers to you and your family 😘 you can do this girl 💪 just drop a line if you need to chat. Xxx

[Paristomasmicheal in reply to Eglingham]

I’m really trying 💖💪🙏

[Eglingham in reply to Paristomasmicheal]

You are doing great but there is support out there. Are you in touch with lung cancer nurses? Xx

[RoyCastleHelpline Partner Ask the Nurse Roy Castle]

Dear Paristomasmichael

Welcome to the forum and so sorry to hear about your husband and how distressing this must be for you all.

Although a timeline may be given with a prognosis, it can vary greatly from person to person. If your husband has not been referred to the palliative care team/Macmillan nurses in the community, then this can be requested through the GP or oncologist. They are a great resource of support for you all.

Some people find it helpful, knowing what to expect, it can ease some anxiety on how they will know someone is near the end. You can choose whether to look at this following link or not, but if you would like more information on what to expect, Macmillan support have provided this here: macmillan.org.uk/cancer-inf...

We have new online support groups sessions starting after the New Year, and if you are interested in these you can register through this link: roycastle.org/help-and-supp...

A day is enough to cope sometimes, it is making the most of that day and what would make your husband comfortable in that day. It can be so overwhelming looking to the future, surround yourself with as many people that can support you.

If you are interested, this is our booklet on brain metastases, which may be of some help: roycastle.org/app/uploads/2...

Please do not hesitate to contact us if you would like to chat, our ask the nurse helpline is open tomorrow, 29th December, 0800 358 7200 and resumes on 3rd January. Alternatively, you can email ask the nurse at [e-mail] and we will reply to you as soon as we can.

Take good care of yourself also.

The Roy Castle Support Team

[Paristomasmicheal in reply to RoyCastleHelpline]

thank you so much we have palliative care team but cos Tony is always with me I can’t ask the horrible questions but I look at it as No one can make him better so feel like no one can help

[RoyCastleHelpline Partner Ask the Nurse Roy Castle in reply to Paristomasmicheal]

It is understandable that you would want the circumstances to change and for all to be well. I am sure so many people wish they could do something to help and take away all the distress and anxiety of it all. The loved ones of those who have cancer, suffer just as much, all be it in a different way.

It can be challenging when there are questions or conversations that you would like to have with the palliative care team, but you are unable to as you are with Tony. I hope this forum can help you find some support and encouragement and please feel free to ask us any question, if not by phone, you can email ask the nurse us at [e-mail]

Please know that you are not alone, and although we are unable to make it right for you both, we are here to support you both in anyway that we can.

Kindest regards

The Roy Castle Support Team

[KT22]

My heart goes out to you, I went through the same situation with my wonderful husband. Make the most of every minute together, say all the things you want to & make as many memories as you can.

I reached out to the Marie Curie nurses in the final week & they were amazing, true angels when I needed them the most.

Sending a big virtual hug at this difficult time. Xxx

[Paristomasmicheal in reply to KT22]

thank you so much I’m just petrified of the future and how does it happen

[Dismal]

Having been through this situation my heart goes out to you.

[Paristomasmicheal in reply to Dismal]

💔

[mishamilo53]

I’m so sorry , my heart hurts for you … have you a macmillan nurse, or a local hospice or a Maggies centre that you could go to to talk to someone … my husband has found Maggies to be a place he can go with his worries about my cancer and talk freely to someone …. And of course we are here as are the helplines for both of you ….I’m sending you strength and much love, Elly

[Paristomasmicheal in reply to mishamilo53]

because my husband doesn’t want to know much he finds it difficult to talk so just says nothing Also I honestly don’t think he fully understands what’s happening which is a blessing but it’s so hard for me and my children cos we never want to upset him so we all carry on. I do go to maggies to talk when he attends clatterbridge

[mishamilo53 in reply to Paristomasmicheal]

That is so tough on you and I’m glad you have a Maggies near to you , they do one to one chats which I know my hubby has found helpful … use all the resources you can find to help you through , please come on here if you want to chat I’ve found this to be an incredibly supportive community ….Elly x

[JanetteR57]

It's always a really tough time when we know something like this - but do make the most of every day. I've always found reading information from trusted sources on what might happen/to expect preferable to scaring myself to death by imagining the worst or googling and finding all sorts of scary stuff.. The Roy Castle lung cancer foundation book on brain mets explains what's happening, the different situations, considering treatment and preparing things. having lost my older sister suddenly and unexpectedly (not from cancer) a few months ago, I wish we'd had chance to let her know what she meant to us...so carry on making memories to treasure whilst you can.... thinking of you all.... roycastle.org/app/uploads/2...

[Keepingstrong]

I'm so sorry to hear. It is not easy at all. My husband was told he has 4 - 6 months to live and it's been 9 months and he is still here. He has good days and bad. We are doing what we can to fight this with natural alternatives as they (Cross Cancer) can't do anything for him because of a weak heart. I hope you continue to have lots more time together and good days ahead. Xx

[Bow-19]

Are you in touch with your local hospice? They often provide psychological support for family members and f or the person with cancer. This is whilst the person is alive and after someone has died. Our local hospice has one to one sessions with counsellors, also a bereavement group and bereavement walks where people who have lost someone can walk together.

MacMillan also offer psychological and support sessions free of charge on the phone with a counsellor as do Maggies Centres. They are both very used to supporting people in your situation. Talking helps and they will also give you coping strategies.

There may also be a lung cancer support group which is local to you.

It is normal to feel how you are feeling. It’s definitely worth thinking about accessing support from people who understand your situation.

I have lung cancer myself and have been fortunate to respond to treatment so far. During this time other members of my family have been diagnosed with cancer too and I have found accessing support very useful xx

[Bai72]

I'm so sorry having been through this with my husband my heart breaks 💔 for you time is precious . Spend every hour sharing memories

[Paristomasmicheal]

💙💪🙏

[VikingRoots]

I'm a similar age to your husband, and stage 4 NSCLC.

My heart obv goes out to you, and everyone else supporting loved ones going through this. It's got to be so hard - you'd normally share your hopes and fears with the very person you're protecting by NOT sharing them.

I think the replies about making memories are so good...but please don't beat yourself up that every waking moment can't be perfect - you and your husband are only human. I can say with some certainty that the role you're playing is appreciated more than you'll possibly ever know.

[mishamilo53 in reply to VikingRoots]

a beautiful reply x

[Paristomasmicheal]

thank you so so much God bless you