How do you cope with seeing your partner suffer?

My husband was diagnosed in December 2016. At that time even though he was told that life expectancy is six to twelve months, we didn't believe them and kept hoping and praying as his cancer was only affecting one lung and a lymph node. We thought the doctors will try their best to keep him going for at least a couple of years but I've never felt they were doing that. Now my husband has got bone mets in the spine, rib and pelvic area. He was given one dose of keytruda which sent him to hospital for 4 weeks. We thought the oncologist will wait for him to get better and may be go back to maintenance chemo to keep things stable, instead he told him that the best option for his situation is to have no treatment! My husband at first cried but accepted that could be for the best but when I took him home, he became so depressed that made him so ill and tired, stopped eating and even walking to the bathroom is now a challenge. The pain from his back and side are severe and he is on oxycodone SL and liquid (oxynorm) which is making him extremely lethargic and gives him hallucinations. I requested an appointment with the oncologist to discusd this but my only fear is that my husband will not have enough energy to show that he can have the treatment. Has any one had similar experience. Please share.

Thank you

NT21

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  • Dear NTu21,

    I am so sorry to hear of your husbands deterioration.Given his pain and his mobility problems I wondered if you had been in contact with his GP or district nurse.There are lots of support services available to help you both and it seems that you both need some extra support right now. The district nurse would assess your husbands pain, liaise with his GP and provide you both with ongoing practical and emotional support.Please don't hesitate to contact our Nurse led Helpline if we can be of any assistance:Freephone 0800 358 7200

    Kind regards,

    All the team at Roy Castle Foundation

  • Hi there NT21, sorry to hear about your husband. I cant really advise you, however do take heed of what the roy castle helpline have said. There is help out there, not only for your husband but also for you.

    I wish you both all the best. :) xx

  • He didn't make it to the oncology appointment. Got him the ambulance as he had severe confusion and lack of mobility and now he is dying. I just wish I had a switch I can turn off his pain forever.

  • So sorry to learn this - my friend also had this - having experienced excruciating back/shoulder pain for months and fobbed down, he deteriorated rapidly after being hospitalised when visiting for a CT scan they'd decided to fund privately. he became my inspiration to raise funds for Roy Castle and also try to change the situation for others. our regret in his missed diagnosis when sent off for back pain that had missed the widespread LC that had reached his spine,liver and brain, was the amount of unnecessary pain he suffered. Do ask for support from the medical team - there is such a pathway as 'supportive care' or 'palliative care' that includes pain relief to reduce this to some extent. you will also need support although appreciate your focus is on him at this difficult time. Another friend lost her husband to bowel/stomach cancer but nursed him over almost 2 year period - she is finding support from her local hospice where they treated him. Do try and reach out when you can to ensure you can hold it together as much as you are able. thinking of you both...

  • Dear NTu21,

    My heart goes out to you and your husband as you are going through this life challenge. I pray that God will minimize his physical pain and save his soul. After all, everyone will face this common equalizer in the end. But there is hope beyond where Jesus is. It will be eternal life without sadness, tears, pain and sickness.

    God Bless and may His peace be with you!

  • I lost my soul mate and love of my life last night after just two nights in hospital. My only comfort is that he is no longer in pain.

  • so sorry ….

  • I am so sorry for your loss nothing anyone can do or say will ease your pain. Your story had touched me so much as it's all so similar to what happened to my precious mum who I lost last year. The only thing which you can take any comfort from is as you said they are no longer suffering in agony to such an awful disease. Thinking of you and your family at this desperately sad time in your lives.

    Jo x

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