At last a proper diagnosis. Not a good one though.

[vixter831]

Hi. My dad has undergone 3 biospys 3 result appointment pet scans the lot. But we had appointment with oncologist yesterday. We thought it was going to be bad but were shocked to be told dad has 3 months to live. The oncologist has said that they don't think chemotherapy would be good idea as dad is very frail and they think it would definitely make him poorlier ( not sure if that even a proper word).

We are all shocked, but thought this was coming. Dad has hinted that he doesn't even want to try chemo. He wants to enjoy the time he has left. He lives with me my hubby & our son (6). I have to have the chat with Charlie about his Baps being worse than we thought. Am I strange for not being in floods of tears?????? I am a huge daddies girl. Xxxx 😔

[SAH1]

I'm so sorry about your Dad. To answer your question, no, of course you're not being strange for not being in floods of tears. Sometimes when the news is really bad it's as if deep down, we realise that tears won't help. Your Dad sounds as if he's meeting the news head on, I'm sure it will help him if you react in the same way. I'm the sort of person who'll cry at sad films, but when my Dad was dying I didn't cry, although I was in floods at his funeral. We all deal with bad news in different ways. I found telling my family I had cancer far worse than actually hearing I'd got it in the first place.

[RoyCastleHelpline Partner Ask the Nurse Roy Castle]

Dear vister831

So very sorry to hear about your Dad and there is no right or wrong way to react, shock can do that, it can make you fell numb that you feel nothing emotionally. It is very individual so be gentle with yourself.

As SAH1 says it seems like your Dad is taking it head on and importantly wanting to enjoy what time he has in the present moment.

It is good you will be discussing it as a family, which can only strengthen you all and the support you will receive. Surround yourself with as much support as you can. There are many support services such as, Macmillan nurses, lung cancer specialist nurse and Maggies centres.

If you wish to discuss anything you can call us on our free nurse led helpline number

0800 358 7200