My Mum - not good news

My Mum went into hospital today to have fluid drained from around her lung. We all thought this would be the 1st step to getting her back on her feet following a very tough couple of weeks but have now found out that she has blood clots and also that a tumour on her chest is pressing against veins and is causing concern. Mum has a large tumour in her left lung and has been on Tarceva for 4 weeks tomorrow but I guess it is not controlling the cancer as the chest tumour has grown in that time. She also has a large lump on her side and under her arm. My Dad is going in to hospital to see the specialist with her tomorrow morning but has told me that he thinks they will say there is nothing they can do for her. This is an unbearable thought and I'm not coping very well. Mum only went for an x-ray 5 months ago because of pain in her side, she was completely well at that point and we had all just come back from a family holiday in Dubai. She looked amazing and was fit and healthy. How can she go from that to this in such a short space of time? Mum has everything to live for, my Dad who idolises her, my 2 brothers and I and 6 grandchildren who adore her. My 2 girls are the youngest at 3 and 9 months. She loves life and her family and this has devastated us all. I know it breaks her heart that she won't see her grandchildren grow up and it breaks mine that my girls may not remember the most amazing Nana they could have. My brother has said we should not give up hope, but it seems desperate at the moment and I don't know how to cope. My Mum and I have always been close, but have become even closer since I became a Mum myself and I don't know what I'll do without her. We have always spoken every day on the phone and since having Piper and Siena I see her 2 or 3 times a week. She is the best Mum and Nana anyone could wish for, this is so unfair. I'm using this blog to vent as I need to stay strong for my Mum and Dad and my girls. I can only hope that the news we receive tomorrow is not as bad as we're expecting.

8 Replies

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  • Hi Alli.

    I guess in these circumstnces, you should prepare for the worst, but certainly hope for the best.

    This is such a hellish illness that we never seem to know what direction its going to take.

    Having been fortunate not to have found myself in your circumstances, I'm not the best person in the world to give advice or even much comfort. I'm thinking of what previous and current friends have done when they've been there.

    If things are looking bleak, do your utmost to give your mother AND your father, as much of your time and love as you can - as I'm sure you do already. Let your kids spend as much time with your mum as practical. This will help ensure they have good memories. If things go badly, you're prepared and if/when your mum improves, I think you'll all have learned something to cherrish.

    I pray all goes well. Love Bill x

  • I don't know what the answers are, I agree with Bill, in these uncertain times make the most of everyday and make some lovely memories. There are no black and white answers and I assume things will depend on the answers you get from the oncologist. Don't give up hope though, I know its hard.I wish I could be of help. sending you a big hug

    Lyn x

  • Hi Bill and Lyn

    You have no idea how good it is to get a response to such an outpouring - it was the early hours and I didn't know what to do with myself, I guess my emotions were running a little high and raw!

    Anyway, after yesterday's trauma, my Mum woke feeling better than she had in weeks and when I visited her today, I couldn't believe the difference. She was sitting up in a chair, chatting without getting breathless and was not suffering the pain she has been. She still had the drain in but this has now been removed and her lung has almost fully inflated. She is having a stent put in tomorrow between the chest tumour and the major vein it has been pressing on and will have radiotherapy next week on her chest and underarm. They are continuing with the Tarceva and the Doctor was stunned by the change in her. This positive response has given us all hope and strength, my Mum laughed today for the 1st time in weeks.

    Thank you for your support, it does mean so much and I will try to stay strong.

    Love

    Alli x

  • Sending you much support. I lost mum in November when unfortunately she turned for the worse so fast the drug never had time to work. I wish you all the best and i really hope with all my might that your mum carries on the fight. So so glad to hear a good story, cherish all the time you guys have and never give up. have lots of laughs make all your memories good ones and above all have lots of mother daughter times.

    vent all you can in whichever way you can, its hard trying to stay strong infront of children and family as well as mum,

    Hugs xxxx

  • Hi Alli

    I understand this is a really difficult time and I am glad you feel supported here by your friends on Health Unlocked. From your latest blog it sounds as if your Mum is improving and that is brilliant. Remember, there is always hope and take each day one at a time although it is natural to do otherwise. I am sure that we are all thinking of you so be kind to yourself and enjoy every moment with your Mum, everyday you are making memories you can treasure no matter what lies ahead. Let us hope for a good outcome, thinking of you and here is another hug. Take care, Joanna x

  • Thank you Sam and Joanna for the hugs !!

    Sam, I'm really sorry you lost your Mum, I hope that time is easing the pain and that you have as many happy memories of your Mum as I do of mine. I don't think it was until I became a Mum myself that I really appreciated how amazing my Mum is, I'm sure you, like me, feel blessed to have had such an special lady as your Mum.

    Joanna, it is lovely to be able to share my feelings and it helps hugely to get responses.

    My Mum wasn't good today unfortunately, but we are staying strong and positive. The doctor said she probably felt so well yesterday because she had been so ill, but she wasn't surprised it hadn't lasted. Oh well, we had a nice day! Mum is hopefully having a stent put in tomorrow and is starting radiotherapy next Tuesday. Her lung is still draining and the blood clots are coming out, so things are moving along.

    What is horrible disease this is!

    Love to all

    Alli xx

  • Hi Alli, I really feel for you, I lost my mum to breast cancer in 1985. I felt cheated that she would not see her only grandchild at the time grow up and my youngest brother and sister go through their teenage years. In a way we were quite lucky as she had fought for many years after only being given 12months when first diagnosed. The only advice I can offer is we tried to enjoy each new day as if it was our last together. We didn't go to fancy places or book dream holidays, we just showed how much we all loved each other and tried to make the most of each others company. Big Hugs to you xxx

  • Thanks Loopyloo, I do treasure each moment I am with my mum although it is breaking my heart that she cannot see the girls at the moment. Piper is talking less about her already, or maybe I'm being over sensitive. I would love to have 4 more years with her (20 in my dream world), that way both girls would have proper memories. The more time that goes on though, the more I realise that any time at all is good.

    I'm sorry you, your brother & sister lost your mum at such a young age, life is very unfair and cruel at times.

    xx

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