Hi, my dad is 76 and was only diagnosed in May, he had been complaining of pains in his shoulder for a few months and then started struggling with his breathing which finally prompted him to go to the GP. I think my dad has known for while that he may have something serious but was full time carer for my mum who sadly passed away in January.
My dad spent 3 weeks in hospital where they put a chest drain in and did pleuradysis procedure.
They also discovered dad has tumours in his bowel/colon.
He has been told that he is too frail for treatment so now looking at quality of life and making him comfortable but he seems to have given up.
He has lost so much weight but is not interested in eating the nuticrem prescribed, he struggles to eat much at all and seems to be sleeping in the day and not at night. He gets really short tempered with everyone too which i find really hard because we all just trying to help him.
We have so far had very little support from the community nursing team and feel like i'm constantly ringing the specialist lung cancer nurse at the hospital for advice.
Just wondering if he is showing signs that he is coming to the end of life, or whether this is all normal after receiving a terminal diagnosis?
Dear Keycode
So sorry to hear about your Dad and how difficult this must be for you all. Your family has been through a lot and it is so important that you all have the support you need.
It is very normal for mood swings, irritability and anger, especially if there is no option of treatment, equally very challenging for the family. You may find that each day is different and no matter what you try to do to help it may not be enough.
Macmillan support provide some useful information on this found on this link:
macmillan.org.uk/cancer-inf...
It is not uncommon for night to become day and sometimes this can be driven by fear of being alone and what might happen in their health. In regards to eating and appetite, it is sometimes helpful offering small and frequent snacks, meals that your Dad would like or manage.
Cancer Research UK have some information on diet advice: cancerresearchuk.org/about-...
It may be advisable to contact your Dads GP to ask for referral to the Macmillan district nurses to provide support or at least they can assess your Dad to see if there is anything that can do to make his life more comfortable.
It can be overwhelming dealing with everything all at once, to the point it is difficult to think clearly what would help.
Try to think what kind of support would be of help for both you and your Dad. He may refuse nursing support initially, but at least if he is on their list of patients it will be easier to recall them in if required or when your Dad will accept them.
You may wish to contact the helpline at the Marie Curie Nurses Support on 0800 090 2309
Their website can provide support for yourself and the family in caring for someone who is at home and the challenges that can present:
mariecurie.org.uk/help/nurs...
You may or may not wish to read on what to expect at end of life, this link provides information on this from Macmillan support:
macmillan.org.uk/cancer-inf...
If you wish to discuss anything you can either email us at lungcancerhelp@roycastle.org or call our freephone nurse led helpline number on 0800 358 7200
Kind regards
The Roy Castle Support Team
Thank you for your prompt reply, I will have a look at the links.
Definitely finding each day there is a new problem. I then take steps to help with whatever it is but then it will be replaced by a different problem.
He gets quite stressed when he thinks people aren't helping him but then when I manage to get the advice or nurses/doctors speak to him he doesn't want to know.
Its very frustrating!
Dear Keycode
It is such a difficult and frustrating time for you all and you are perhaps the safety person he can express his emotions too. It does pass and your Dad may settle down into a quiet time, it is almost like the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
However, it is just as important that you take care of yourself and have your own support.
Hopefully the links will help as this is very frequently experienced by the family and carers. Everyone suffers in cancer, all be it in different ways.
So sorry you are having to go through this with your Dad and so soon after losing your Mum. You must be feeling emotionally exhausted from attending to your Mum and now your Dad. Please ensure you have some time out for yourself.
Take care
The Roy Castle Support Team