Why do I write? to be understood and to be one who understands, to relate to others, to try to lift my burdens, to try to lift yours...
My mom always told me things will work out. Maybe sins and mistakes and fears can be washed away. Omg I used to be sooooooo free; carefree, wild, spiritual, living life. I don’t want to live all cooped up and realizing thAt the way I think is pretty screwed up sometimes, really disturbing. I fear if I don’t jump on this and fix it I may loose the battle. Things seem so complicated in my racing cluttered mind. I need answers.
I’m working on watching and changing the way I think and act with as much love and hope and faith as I can muster. I’m in so much pain right now. It feels like me against the world. I need a smile from someone so I will smile. I need to smile to make another smile. I need to accept you and myself. Forgive you and myself. Let go.
Why does everyone else seem so beautiful and normal and I feel so unworthy? Is that what I really believe deep down do I know different yes but the illness is usually bothering barely ever a break. The depression anxiety bipolar ocd they have me turned inward and they are too real to dismiss.
We who suffer maybe should accept that we may never be free completely from this in this life but just let us live the best we can until heaven the magical place that I still believe in. I want to be close to God like in the past. And I wish heaven for everyone. I wish it was my time.
Our bodies are just shells and inside (our souls) are the pearls.
Written by
Starrlight
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Happy happiest Sunday my lovely friend! Let’s make this the best day ever... I woke up from nightmares and went straight outside for a walk with one of my kiddos. I’m trying.
Am good, had hitch with medical due to mental health, but my GP written me a supporting statement, 1977 is a long time ago, my emabassy date is Friday, so send me some good vibes, lots love 💕
My friend, I am not feeling real good today either. I have sinus problems and I feel sleppy and depressed. But, just seeing your name lifts me some. I am sorry I seem to drift away from you at times. Though my life is much busier now, that's still no excuse. You have been a major strength to me every since I joined this site in mid Oct, last year. I will never forget how you welcomed me aboard and continued to talk to me int hose early darker days of mine. Wellm, I can return the favor too, my friend. Maybe we can heal together some. There is still something not right with the way I think and feel. I'll help you and maybe you can help me. Okay? Love you, my BFF!
Yeah maybe we can be of help to eachother. It’s really nice just to be able to release some thoughts/feelings knowing there are some who don’t judge harshly. Right now my perspective is darkish but I still have some hope. Where are you; hopefully not too dark. Gotta go pick up the kiddos maybe the breeze will be good for me.
Miss you a lot, my friend. I hope we can talk later on from my pm. We can swap some venting. I promise I still need you and that I can also help you with your problems too. Just don't....abandon yourself or me. Okay?
Putting my arms around you in a warm hug... I wish you knew how wrong you are sweetheart... you are not a bad person. You are so sweet & caring. Sending you more hugs, lots of love & peaceful thoughts. 🧡
Thank you beautiful. I love your warm hug. It’s like I am battling myself and I can’t stop. I want an end to suffering so badly. Things do get better and maybe I won’t always feel so lost but this world doesn’t seem like it’s for me, you know? ❤️
I know sweet heart... depression and anxiety are evil little monsters ... it's hard to ignore them sometimes. You are worthy of happiness, love & life. We all know how hard it is... take a few minutes breathe, find a little enjoyment in something you love. Be it a cup of tea. A piece of chocolate. A snuggle from a pet or child. Enjoying the beauty outside. Let that happiness wash over you & know it'll be okay.🧡
Aww Starr, you are an amazing person, don't ever think you're not worthy. Even tho you're struggling right now, you will come through, we're all here for you, with lots of love, hugs, support and smiles especially for you. Stay strong lovely Starr.
Ok I will stay strong. Thank you so much lovely you ❤️ My mom used to call me amazing. I took care of her today. She is in the later stages if Alzheimers. Lately she hasn’t suffered as much. Her dark angry and fearful days have turned into days of laughing and smiling. I’m glad for her although she is kind of in her own world but I guess we all are in a way.
David declared “I would have fainted unless I thought I would see the goodness of God in the land of the living”, do not give up, David didn’t, Job was a righteous man, lost everything, he like you questioned why he had to go through what was happening to him, I think we all question what is happening with us and to us sometimes, but Job did not give up on God, nor will you, I firmly believe you will hold on, you will finish this race. Be strong, be courageous, continue to place your hope in God and give thanks.
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It is 8:30pm.Panic attack. Could not breathe.want to go out for a walk