Are they getting better or worse?

[LostInAReverie]

HI, I have just recently joined this forum(?) and I'm searching for answers. Approximately 6/7 months ago was where I think my anxiety problems really hit me and made me realised all this time it was not normal to be like this and decided to take various Goldberg's anxiety test and various others; having an anxiety attack (a feeling of suffocation, crying without any reason, pounding heart, indigestion, dizziness, etc) is pretty obvious and I (thank god) realised the symptoms right away. First, it was just nervous butterflies in my stomach for a short periods of time and I'd get dizzy and it would just go away. Next it was wanting to burst out crying and the feeling of suffocation - people say breathing helps but it makes it worse for me- I can breathe, but I can't breathe. Then the OCD I have were just starting to make sense to me. Additionally, whenever I had any questions or problems about myself (whether it'd be mental or physical health) it would always lead back to anxiety disorder related issues. All these times I was wondering why i think the way I do, and why I feel the way I do and it was just from anxiety disorder all along. Who would have known? I would get scary thoughts: shadow next to me, a creature staring at me, a girl sitting next to me crying, someone behind me, a black hand choking me, etc) i have no idea where they come from but I have always heard I had a good imagination as a child but never the ones so vivid. My thoughts are becoming scarier these days. Maybe because of Anabelle 2 i watched with my friends not too long ago but none of my imagination were actually from the movie nor are they of any relations. Please help me. Sometimes I think I've gone mad. I used to not be able to sleep with lights off as a kid I never knew why but now I can't sleep because of the lights but whenever they are off, I get those crazy thoughts coming back- before it used to be pleasant but now its horrifying. I'm scared to sleep because when I lie on bed to sleep, i can't - because the thoughts flood in like wild beasts. I can;t stop it. Once time, I swear I head a man's voice just whispering loudly- it was coming inside my head not like a hallucination from the outside. I'm terrified. I think they get worse when I watch or read scary stories. I'm not sure. Maybe it was the scary comic books that I got traumatised as a kid because my neighbour had them (she was 3 years older than me) and got me addicted to them- like the thrill, the adrenaline of the scary comics were what got me hooked but it would also get me scared and jump. It was traumatic for a 7 years old kid to read what was meant for 12+ years old children. Then there comes problems about my parents and how they caused a whole different side of my anxiety. I'm ranting at this point but I'm feeling so overwhelmed I just need someone to talk to. Please help. I don't havea therapist nor can I see one because I cant never talk to my parents about my problems like this. My friends don's don't take it seriously/ don't know how to respond to me, etc.

Sorry for the long chunk of text. Please talk to me.

[Hidden]

Hello again & Welcome

I said it could be me replying but hopefully others may to

I read your post and I sense you question everything or most things regarding your anxiety as well as wanting answers

I have to say I used to do the same till I realized it was all about " Accepting "

Accepting I had anxiety and everything I was feeling and thinking was due to that Once I accepted the anxiety I had to also accept there may not be any answers to why I was and it really didn't matter but what did is that I started to deal with it so I could make my life easier , and dealing with it is not easy but there is no other choice

I relate to things in your post , especially when you talk about certain things triggering of your anxiety like scary movies etc , I am just the same but what I do now is avoid them , for instance sometimes something can come on TV and I get that feeling , those butterflies in the stomach , racing heart and I know if I continue to watch it I will feel anxious after and it will play on my mind so I switch over and watch something else instead , sometimes we do not always realize that something will upset us but the moment we do then it goes back to the acceptance , accepting that we are sensitive people and that what we have watched has upset us , but then telling ourselves it is ok and it will fade and go away again rather than fearing helps to diminish the feeling quicker

When we have anxiety it plays with our minds , that is how the anxiety stays in control and the reason we sometimes think we can see things when there is nothing there or sometimes hear things etc but the mind is a powerful thing and when it is distraught it plays tricks on us but we are not going mad we are suffering with anxiety

It seems like you have not had any positive experiences talking to people about your anxiety , your friends not taking you seriously is quite common because when people don't suffer they don't always understand or they don't always know what to say or do so the only reaction they have sometimes is to try and brush it of , that is their way of copying

I know you speak about your parents and I did not have a good relationship with my Father , even though I would not want to blame him I do feel the way he was with me as a child had a huge impact on me , and maybe even though looking for answers will not always work but I do believe as children the things we experience can have an affect on us later in life

I guess fear stops us talking to people about how we feel yet to face that fear we could get the help we need and therapists have met and heard stories like yours as well as many others , nothing you say to them would they dismiss or not have heard before , as well as they are used to people been afraid to speak about how they feel and I would not let this anxiety rob me any more especially getting the support I needed which a therapist could be the answer you are looking for

Hope finding like minded people like there are in this Community will help even if it is just in a small way x

[LostInAReverie in reply to Hidden]

ohmygod you described it perfectly! Thank you for making my day

[Hidden in reply to LostInAReverie]

Hello

If you ever want to talk you know where we are x