It has been 8 months since me and my best friend got a job abroad and we live together now here for work and we only have each other here since we are miles away form our family. We've been friends since 2007 and been best friends since 2012. We been very good and super close friends. She is also my travel buddy so whenever i want to go out of town or out of the country, she is with me, most of the time. We been getting along so well until we went here last July 2015. That's when our relationship started to change. I always thought that she is the only one I got here since i don't know anyone here, no family, few friends whom i only started to meet here and a boyfriend who is a seaman so i seldom talk to him as well and he's somewhere around the world doing his job.
Maybe because of the sadness i feel inside i tried to depend more on my best friend. I always want to talk to her more than anyone else. I want her to show me that she needs me and that she cares for me. I am starting to seek more attention from her. I am doing so much for her and i just wants to be with her all the time we could possibly have. During exhausting day at work, i am excited to go home because she is there. I am always excited to tell her everything that happen to me during the day. Though we live together, i still want to go out with her and explore places with her. I just love doing this and it gives me strength to went on everyday here. But she started to change and got cold with me. We started fighting. We don't understand each other anymore. When i tried to be close to her or whenever i ask her if she cares for me or whenever i tried to lighten the situation, it gets worst. I hate it when she started shouting at me as if i have done no good. It's just so hard to accept harsh words from her. She's been treating me as if i am OK accepting all the negative words she throws at me like i am not normal anymore or i am gross or i am so scary. It hurt me so much and make me feel like as if i am the worst friend ever. It's like she forgot everything we had and everything i did for her. I am willing to do everything for her even the impossible just for her but she keeps telling me that i have done nothing. I can't understand why she treats me like that. The more she do that, the more she rejects, ignore and hurt me the more it triggers me with this crazy thoughts. The more i wanted to ask her my worth, the more i ask her assurance on out friendship. I always wants to know if she still my best friend and if she will not leave me because i am really afraid to lose her. I really feel that i am obsess with her attention. But it is because she never tells me my worth. Whenever i ask her that i wanted to be her best friend forever she would tell me lets take it one day at a time it is as if she is not sure that she wants to be my friend and it drives me crazy.
Right now we are OK i think so. I been reading so much about obsession. I don't want to lose her that is why i am controlling my self not to be so into her. I love her but i am not in love with her OK. Its just that i want to feel she loves me. What is wrong with me? I keep trying to understand that's why i am trying to change for her. And she knows that i am trying. I just cannot understand why she keeps telling me that i am not normal and other harsh thing. I told her it is not helpful if she will continue to throw me some hard words or she will get angry to me always. Is it wrong to ask her my worth? I am asking repeatedly because she never responded. I ask her to help me but i don't think she is helping? I cant understand, she is my best friend and she is supposedly helping me right? Or am i wrong?
Please advise me as i don't know what to do already. I don't want to lose our friendship but she isn't cooperating as well. I can't do this alone. I just want to feel loved by her not ignored and rejected by her. But she never showed me that she love me. She never showed me that she wants me to be her friend or if i am important to her. She tells me sometimes when i ask her but it never shown to any of her action. Is it really me is the problem? Or is it because she also too don't value and appreciate me that is why i started to seek more from her?
Please any advise will do. I just want to clear my mind. It is depressing and alarming already. Thank you.
Hello I need you all right now :(
6 hours of sleep. I feel like crap :(
I think I wrote in here before