I scare myself, and I can't stop it. - Living with Anxiety

Living with Anxiety

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I scare myself, and I can't stop it.

Krystal_rose98 profile image
27 Replies

I'm sure others get this, but I'm trying to find what it's called and way's I could possibly stop it or minimize it.

My fears to me, sound stupid. Even when I know most of them aren't.

Okay, my bedroom is immediately next to the bathroom door at a right angle and the toilet is right next to the door, and the sink at the window, The doorway to the lounge room is immediately next to the other side of my bedroom door, also at a right angle.

I already have trouble sleeping due to my anxiety, but what i'm about to write makes it so much worse. This all sounds so silly for a 17 year old to be scared of, but it all just manifests in my head.

When i'm falling aslseep, I get scared to turn my lamp off, because i'm afraid there is a grotesque witch like humanoid with burnt skin at the end of my bed, watching me. Just waiting for me to fall asleep, and they're going to grab me, and eat me (or something). When i'm getting out of bed to go to the toilet at night I get so terrified (So scared i'm almost unable to move) that this dark, burnt hand with long bony fingers, and long black dirty nails, is going to grab my ankle and pull me under.

Next when I open the toilet seat, (you know how snakes sometimes come up the toilet pipes?) i'm afraid there is going to be a man, in the toilet (impossible, i know) with burnt skin looking up, and all you can see is the top of his head and face.

Then when i'm washing my hands, my back is to the door. We leave the bathroom window open for the cat. And i'm afraid that while i'm washing my hands, the same hand that I am afrain of under my bed, will reach through the window and grab my arm. The scary part is, this one is highly possible. Also while washing my hands, I have to stand sideways so I can see the door and the window at the same time. Because I'm afraid that from the lounge room, this ... thing. Like, a man, humanoid, running on all fours, like a dog. But because of our long legs, we more scurry than run. So this man, thing, scurring around the corner on all fours and he's naked. But you can't see anyting, because he's burn't all over.

I try to stay calm and keep my heart beat down, but it obviously doesn't work. But I try to stay calm, and tell myself that it's not real. Because I know damn well that it's not real But I still get scared, and have to walk back into my room and I shut my door, thinking I am safe now because I shut my door. But then I remember that I leave my door open when I go to the toilet so I can get back in quicker, and I realize that "something" could've gotten in and is under my bed or in my cupboard and then I can't sleep for hours untill I am just dead tired and can't keep my eyes open any longer.

I freak myself out, that thing's are going to climb out of the kitchen cupboards, and there's the man, humanoid, thing in the pantry.

I usually just try to face it because, I know it's not real, and If I don't face it I might pee myself haha

Does anybody else get this? I think It's part of my anxiety, that's what my doctor said when I was diagnosed and that was why I couldn't sleep, my mind was thinking, thinking and thinking and wouldn't let me sleep. But it's gotten considerably worse in the last two months with all the things with burnt skin. I actually have no clue why everything I'm scared of is burnt. I was never badly burnt in my childhood, neither was anyone whom was close to me. Sorry this post is so long, but can someone please help me to know what this is and if anyone else gets it. It's all much appreciated <3

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Krystal_rose98 profile image
Krystal_rose98
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27 Replies

Hello

Oh you have taken me back quiet a few years but reading your post it reminded me when I was about your age or even younger

I used to have similar fears

Going to bed at night & the rituals I used to have to do literally took hours I used to dread it

I would have to look under my bed 50 times because I would think someone was under there & would get me & then I had to look in the wardrobe the same amount of times & wait for it I would have to sit on the toilet 100 times before I would finally feel safe that everything was ok & I could go to sleep , so no I do not think you are stupid at all , reading what I have put maybe I am sounding like I was :-/ ....But it was anxiety , back then though I ever realized it was ...I knew it was not normal but was way to afraid to tell anyone in case in my head I thought they would take me away because they would say I was round the bend

I am pleased you are already seeing your Doctor about your anxiety , are you getting any counselling , this would really help as it helps to change the pattern of the way we think & understand where are thoughts are coming from which creates the anxiety

I hope maybe you can talk to a good friend as well as your Mum & Dad ?

But you always have here to share & no one will judge you or think you are stupid as we all know how anxiety can affect us

On a positive side it is good that even though at the moment you are struggling with your thoughts & stopping doing what you are doing that you recognize it is not real

The more importance we give these thoughts the more they will grow , so as scary as it is if you ca try & say out loud , shut up go away , I am not listening ( even when maybe you are ) eventually your mind will get stronger than these thoughts seem to be

Take Care x

Krystal_rose98 profile image
Krystal_rose98 in reply to

Thank you so much, I am so glad (sadly) someone else is going/or went through the same thing.

I talk to my mum about it, but it seems the more I talk about it, the worse it gets. I usually just tell my mum about the witch and the man-humanoid thing. But last night, I told her everything. And Just telling her freaked her out. She got quite worried when I woke her up at 2am last night because I was so scared and I felt like I was going to throw up. I was tellng her everything that upset me about it and ended up crying. She hugged me for about 20 minutes while I cried, because I just wanted to sleep, But I couldn't.

She's going to take to me to see someone about it soon, because she's worried for my mental and physical well being, as every mum would be.

But thank you again and again, for all you have told me :)

Peatop profile image
Peatop

Hi Krystal_rose, sounds awful what you have been going through, I'm so glad that you are able to speak to your Mum & she will get help you need.

Maybe in the meantime you could do few things to get regain /rein in your thoughts, establish a calm bedtime routine for yourself, maybe warm shower, relaxing music (tons available on YouTube), have a low night light plugged into wall socket(s)-in your room & around house for when you get up,abt getting up in middle of night-you are young lady to be up in night/esp if every night-you must be exhausted from the fearful thoughts & broken sleep-maybe look at your liquid intake before bed & give yourself a cut off point, which may help you get a full night sleep. You could also use some lavender oil or another relaxing scent on your pillow or around your room, light some candles (never leave burning alone or light if your sleepy) and spend some time in your room during daylight hours, just reading/drawing or doing something nice that you enjoy, you could burn a 'smudge stick' which will help cleanse your room & house if you take to other rooms (a smudge stick, is a collection of herbs wrapped tightly together-the smoke and aroma can help with many differnt things).

Good luck to you hun. Stay strong and keep doing what you're doing finding that full stop on your thoughts and tell yourself not now-they are not real. Oh another tip, when you notice your thoughts spiralling have a good place you can go mentally and try to go there-or think of fav food, song, friends who make you smile, anything but change the subject in your head. Would the cat sleep with you, sometimes pets can be a great comfort.

Look after yourself. TC Pea x

Krystal_rose98 profile image
Krystal_rose98 in reply to Peatop

Thank-you TC Pea, I'm a bit of a hippy anyway, so calm music is what I listen to daily, I burn incence everyday, and spend most of my day in my room already. I will get a smudge stick, I have been meaning to for a while though :)

Whenever I try and think of my friends, or family or something nice, I can't control it turning into something horribly grotesque and scary. Like their faces in my head. I just turn around to look at them in my imagination and their face is burnt and melting or something.

I can't sleep with a light on, used to sleep with a light on every night when I was little, but as I grew older, it got hard to sleep with the light on. There's light from the street light that shines in my window, and that's enough to see if anything is there, but that doesn't stop the fact that it could be hiding behind the foot of my bed, under my bed, in my cupboard. Even with the light on, I fear all the same things.

We only have a tiny two bedroom house, and all rooms (lounge, kitchen, bathroom, and two bedrooms) doors and doorways meet in the middle of the house in a square. We have a salt lamp on a ledge that Light's up the Kitchen, Lounge room and partly the bathroom (the whole house except the bedrooms). But even if we leave all the lights on, these fears are still there.

But thank you so much for your advice, I will buy a smudge stick to cleanse the house :) <3

Krystal_rose98 profile image
Krystal_rose98 in reply to Krystal_rose98

I brought a white sage smudge stick today and cleansed the house :)

I hope it helps, and thank you for the help :)

Anonymousfreak profile image
Anonymousfreak

Omg are you actually me?? I don’t have the burnt thing...but mine is a clown or a black thin monster that wants to rip my skin off my body and wear it as his own! I freak out more on the stairs...so if it’s dark downstairs but light upstairs I go into full on panic and sprint to put my back against the wall and Vice versa! Another as dark windows I’m and so scared some thing/being is going to slow move it face up and look at me with wide eyes and creepy smile.... i have been like this ever since I can remember and I am 22 now!! No idea what’s wrong with me!

Tbh not exactly, but I belive that not every goes through the same thing I mean emotions and shit. They have have suffered depression and shit but how they react is always different.

I keep imagining scary shit so randomly anywhere. I imagine a scary man in pitch black banging my door right open and ripping my throat out. Or someone taking me from behind the curtain. And yeah shit crawling up from the toilets.

But fuck I didn't know snakes could crawl up toilet pipes, lol.

But it's annoying because no one really gets me, I mean I guess cause it's all my brain and I'm the only that can see it.

Its funny cause I know it's not real, I know it's not there yet my heart beats so fast as I imagine so clearly, even the sounds that I have a panic attack on attack or I start hyperventilating. I get scared whenever I'm the dark and so scared to turn the lights on cause I feel like I'm being chased as I run to my switch.

Its so hard to tell people exactly how u feel cause they never get u. But tbh I don't think that's what people want. I think they just want someone to just listen. And be honest. Not some cliche shit like you're going to get through it.

Like how do u know? How am I supposed to know? Cause my brain seems to be my biggest enemy rn.

I’m going through exactly this at the minute, not the same man as your seeing but I’m imagining someone and even if I try to think of something else everything I try to think of keep going back to the same thing I’m scared of and then I can’t get it out of my head, I havnt spoke about it or seen a doctor as I don’t like doing that but it is really scaring me and effecting me.

Samizsm profile image
Samizsm

Damn this is wild im sitting on top of my bad and having the exact same shit happen to me if had this for a long time but im 16 now and it started again i think there's a long black haired ladie under my bed but i know its all in my head i haven't really talked to my parents about my anxiety and depression so if never been to a doctor for it

Samizsm profile image
Samizsm in reply to Samizsm

And it's crazy but i have the exact same fear of a face looking up from the toilet sometimes

Jessy897 profile image
Jessy897

Sounds exactly like me too! Idk what to do, If I told my mum she'd literally be like don't be so ridiculous but I can't help it, I'm 17 by the way. I used to be just like this when I was younger but then it cleared up and it didn't bother me but recently it's just as bad again. I hate getting out of my covers, it's like my duvet is an actual safety blanket and I hate going up and down the stairs when it's dark too. Also get so nervous when I walk by a window where the blinds aren't shut cause I get the feeling there's someone watching me or some crazy murderer is going to break in and kill me. I was at my grandmas house when I was probably about 11 and she was watching a documentary. This is when I saw about snakes coming through the pipes in the toilet and it literally freaked me out. Ever since then I've always had to check the toilet before I sat on it and still don't feel safe when I'm on it. I rush to get off as quickly as possible

Gfishr024 profile image
Gfishr024

i feel the same way. when i was looking at the rake it did not freak me out when i was younger because i knew it was a game. but when i saw it's back story i got afraid and could not sleep thinking it would pop up and never leave me alone. guess what it did, and you know the reason why SCPS. when i looked at scps it scared especaily peanut so i got scared taking a shower thinking it would be their to snap my neck(still having this feeling but getting over it. but the best way to get over a fear is comedy. i watch people play the game scp labratory and it was pretty funny. and before you get scared think this( is it real) because the scp foundation is fictional. so i got less and less scared, sure from tie to time i would get scared a bit until i see the reason why it accured and boi i felt stupid when looking: oh why did that door open( it was my dog) oh what is that beating noise( my neighbors( what is that random sound in the kitchen( my other neighbors washing machine( i would of never found it out if it wasn't for my mother telling me that a month ago) and the random door sound when it feels like someone knocked while i am taking a shower( retared reason when you make a big movement or hit the wall of the shower the door will shake. and of course if your fear is gotten from the internet just dig deep into it or watch comedy about it and it will make you feel better, worked for me. but if is just my thought completely ignore it and wait for the next scary thought to come and pass don't cling to it. but i am still a bit scared but not to much. note if you feel scared about it and know its real just laugh at it and that will calm your nerves. hope this helped out because your thoughts helped me out because i can open my mouth or type my thoughts( frisky was very helpful when it came to almost getting over my fear of peanut( dont know why i was only afraid of peanut even tho their is a lot of them and another fear can make another fear feel smaller or just make the smaller fear just disapear( it sucks but fear beats fear.

Sixgun profile image
Sixgun

I'm going to tell you something you may not like, and may not wish to hear. I used to and still at times do have issues with this. These days I have no fear of it. The hair on the back of my neck still stands up but that is it. I carry a small concealed firearm at all times so I know I'm always capable of defending myself from oogy boogies,and I am a large strong 23 year old male.Always loved weapons and combat sports. But As a child I would imagine horrible frightening things. I also occasionally actually saw them. Not Corner of the eye stuff. Head on. Goblin creatures and pure evil. Things horror movies have. This reinforced the imagination.i have still had some issues these days but As a child it was much worse. I was tormented beyond what most people can imagine. When I was a tween I had problems waking up gasping for air and being slightly panic'd. I was tested for sleep apnea, negative. It eventually went away. I also woke up groggily a couple times and then felt as if I landed on the bed from high up. All this time I heard voices in my head that said evil things and I imagined and saw what I can only describe as evil.The good thing is I now have power over it. When I was a child I was also In church. And believe the bible entirely. As a grown teenager I saw things head on, and as a grown man a good and reliable friend saw the same thing I did as a teenager. A black figure rising up. I saw it Inside a house. I told my mother, she prayed, and I didn't see it again. My friend years later saw it too, in a window of the house. Igot close because I did not see it and he swore it was there and was going to get me. Later i told him about what i saw as a teen and he started crying. It was real. I had already put together what it was but this could confirm it. I am NOT schizo or crazy as I feared Anxiety and such could factor in, but what it is I swear to you is a Demon. An angel that has fallen from God's grace and hates you because God loves you. After I read, and fully understand that as a believer that Jesus Christ is God's son who died to pay for our wrong doings and rose again alive 3 days later, I realized that he grants us full power and Dominion over them when we are living for God. When I slip back into bad mean ways of thinking or some sort of sin they still try to torment. But after I realized this and with my words and prayer cast them from me they have not once dared show themselves once. Except once. In a dream I woke up and a black haired lady with black eyes in white with pale skin stood over me. I kid you not I said" you here to party bitch?" And back handed it to the floor. I stood up then awoke in my bed. I declared Jesus as Lord commanded it away and prayed. I was not troubled for a long time. At times they will return and plant fearful thoughts and troubles in my head.these times are usually when i am less than devout in study and prayer. Where I imagine a SOMETHING is outside the shower, in the corner in the next room, right behind me ECT. I say something because as a kid this always changed. Always to something scarier than the last. But not a thing has showed itself again, and when I pray, read, and repent it leaves and I declare it forbidden and it IS. I was tormented beyond belief by a demon or many demons. The ONLY SURE CURE. It is a friendship and exceptance of Jesus of Nazareth as savior and living for God. There have been other things God has done for me that amazes me, but this has gotten long winded and is off topic. So I will not share unless you ask. But I promise you this solution works, better than anything else. And if done right it has permenence.

Sixgun profile image
Sixgun in reply to Sixgun

Sounds like religious mumbo jumbo to some but I promise you that this truth. I had these issues and gained control. The depression and terribleness goes away. Everything bad mentally that everyone else has just vanishes. And it is something that I have a hard time sharing with others because the problems I had are embarrassing. And people would think it's made up. But when I saw someone else had these issues i had to make an account and say something. Good luck. I sincerely hope it helps and doesn't just sound crazy. I know this is about health and science and all.

Leviathan915 profile image
Leviathan915

Finally found people similar to me. I never knew what was wrong with me for almost my whole life. Almost every night I rush into bed thinking someone is right behind me, I can’t be in the dark without thinking someone or something is there. It’s worse if I watch something “scary”, like not necessarily scary horror stuff but if it’s like a scary face I’ll constantly see it until I pass out. I only feel secure if I have my SO right beside me, only then can I drift off to sleep but if he’s not here I can prepare myself to get less than 3 hours of sleep. I only feel this way at night and even now I’m looking around my room just to make sure something isn’t there. Any little noise makes my heart race beyond control. I don’t plan to seek treatment or help. I wanna one day just get over this. I’m hoping CBD oil will help me fall asleep before the thoughts consume me. I’m 25 and see no end in sight at the moment.

Uzidropp profile image
Uzidropp

I do this exact thing and have for as long as I can remember.. It’s silly to say but I always felt like I was the only person so does this. I can hardly walk down my hallway to go the restroom without thinking of millions of scary scenarios. I always get a fear that some weird humanoid type thing, similar to how you described it, will come running at me or something. I’m glad I’m not alone in this. I hope you are doing better.

Mustang20 profile image
Mustang20

It’s not real I get the same way, when I’m asleep in the living room I stare at the kitchen doorway bc there’s no door and I just start acting paranoid and picturing things moving around.. it’s all anxiety, but do not be scared because if that was your case something would of happened by now, keep a lamp on

Zedahmed profile image
Zedahmed

Wow I actually can’t believe someone feels the same as me

nctyeahhm profile image
nctyeahhm

something similar to this is happening to me, the past few days it's been extremely difficult for me to sleep, i intentionally imagine scary things like faces and stuff im scared about already, i can't stop it, the thoughts just rush in and they can't leave, i don't know why but it makes me feel really horrible, i cry myself to sleep a lot, i don't know why this happens to me but i hope it goes away soon, im already sleep deprived and now it's for another reason, i feel so childish for being scared over silly things, but it just happens, i try my best to go to sleep but it seems almost impossible, yesterday for example, i went to bed at 1am (i know it's not that late to be honest) and i just layed there for what seemed like an eternity imagining horrid things that are absolutely terrifying and when i checked the time, two hours had already passed, i have school in the morning but even then i can't bring myself to actually fall asleep.

anonymous_angel profile image
anonymous_angel

OMG! Something similar happens too me but for me I started imagining a dead body on the floor. This started a few weeks or months ago I can’t remember. When I go in my kitchen I have to keep looking in the living room (The kitchen is by my living room) I always think there’s someone that’s going to run out from the living room. Omg I hate it I always scare myself.

anonymous_angel profile image
anonymous_angel

Omg I still can’t believe someone is going through the same thing. I remember I was so tired but I couldn’t sleep so I just cried

Millie1324 profile image
Millie1324

I can relate to you so much and it’s weird because no body else understands me but sometimes I wake up in the early morning most of the time it’s around 3-4am and I open my eyes but I’m to scared to move even if I need the toilet I won’t move and panic myself and unless my phones right beside me so I can put my flashlight on I won’t attempt to move but this makes it almost impossible to get back to sleep

Omg I was trying to find an answer and it’s late at night and you just scared the shit out of me because I think of the same things and now I’m scared 😂🤣😭😭

Reading all the replies is gonna cost me a year of sleep. I cant believe so many people are going through the same thing, my mind just creates these multiple creatures, it's crazy because I can imagine their height, how they smell, how they sound like, and what they do. It all sounds crazy I even know where I'd find them around the house,this one under my bed, the other under the couch, the other in my wardrobe, the other just standing out my door waiting for me to go to the toilet, I dont want to describe them because I'd be freaking yall out more after reading the other replies. I walk around with a hammer and pepper spray, yeah 🤣.The thing is during the day, I'm fine with all of them but at night 🤦🏽‍♀️, I just think about all of them. I just stay on my phone with the torch on until I just fall asleep with my phone in my hand. It's not like I've actually seen them or heard them but my mind will create a very vivid picture lol. When I'm with someone it's better, it doesn't even have to be a big person that will protect me, sometimes its just my little sister and she's 10🤣 ,or even when the person is in another room, as long as theres someone around.To all the people that replied here, please tell me yall had help or it just goes away on it's own. @Krystal_Rose98 I know it's been 5 years but please tell me you're fine now or should I just forget about ever going to bed and just falling asleep without my mind going on overdrive.😭😭

Can we all just exchange numbers and talk about how we are dealing with this, share advice... does this site have a private chat

Nickymoore138 profile image
Nickymoore138 in reply to

Hey my Instagram is another_state_0f_mind send me a message because I want to figure out how to stop this, no thear stories but it would help to figure it out with others

Saveord profile image
Saveord

I have exactly the same problem, I didn’t know so many others could relate. For me though I only get this fear when I experience something scary like a horror game/movie. Then It lasts for a long time, maybe weeks before I calm down. To be specific I don’t necessarily fear the horror game/movie, it just makes me extremely paranoid of my already existing fears. That’s why I try to not see any horror related stuff but sometimes it’s unavoidable...

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