Hi, I'm a 23 male year old student living in London and I feel as though I'm suffering from some fairly serious depression and need help. I've always been a bit of a emotional and depressive person since I was about 10 but never been as depressed as I feel now. I'm coming to end of my third and final year and for the past 2 - 3 months I've been slowly sinking further and further into my own hell. Nearly everyday I cry for at least 30mins to an hour along with moments of severe anxiety and anger. I find myself unable to do any of my uni work as just thinking about it gives me insane anxiety which then causes me to burst into tears, this being the main problem. My father has sacrificed a lot for me to be here and I have failed in the past when it comes to my studies. At the heart of my depression I think is the insane level of guilt that I feel towards my father and letting him down again and what I will be putting on him and family with what I have done. Just thinking of him and my family causes more tears because as far as they know, I'm fine and perhaps 'struggling' a bit, but that couldn't be more of an understatement.
I think about killing myself nearly everyday, but can't bring myself to do it. This has gone on so long that I don't feel I can recover in my studies and the consequences of this are the worst thing as it means I effectively wasted the last four years of my life. The pain grows worse everyday as the deadlines for my work get closer along the eventuality of my father learning what I have done.
I have no idea what to do