Dealing with work

[Lumie]

Hi all,

I'm new here and I have just read through some of your posts and there's so much everyone is going through. To kniw, my feeling and thoughts are normal about infertility... Angry, stressed, depressed, hide away from the world.

What does everyone do about work? And work colleagues? I try not to take things to work but with this, I have no choice I have good and bad days, mostly bad. Alot of my colleagues dont know and I don't want them to know but I feel like I'm losing the plot at work. One girl is pregnant and although I am happy for her, I do struggle to see her everyday. She doesn't know how I feel. Noone knows apart from my bosses. I break down regularly, I try put a brave face on but ifeel like I'm being fake. I'm really struggling to keep myself sane. Pretty much most of the time I do t want to be there, I just want to be at home. I drag myself out of bed to make it to work.

How does everyone else cope?

[Becca21]

Just try avoid any "mommy" discussions even when we have lunch or office party. I totally understand what you're trying to imply... that's someplace you cannot hide from... if you're going through treatment they'll know. Hence comes some of the stupidest questions. How do I tell you why if I don't know why myself, huhh! I used to feel very depressed being around women from work, everything they talk relates back to kids somehow and I feel like am the odd one out but eventually, I've learnt to ignore. Ignoring is a bliss!

[quieturban]

Maybe you should tell them you are struggling if you feel close to them. Hopefully they are sensitive towards your struggles because girl I tell you some people can be totally insensitive. 😩

[andylins]

Firstly, welcome to the board. This is a nice place to be in. Actually I've been using it not for long, but one thing's for sure- ladies here are awesome. Then closer to struggles at work. This topic is really sensitive. I got to know this fact - a boss wants his employee to be active, cheerful and cooperative. He rarely cares what's going on with you, or anyone else. He needs to see your work and nothing else which can distract it. Unfortunately this was my own experience which made me switch jobs twice whilst being treated for infertility..I know this is not that very path for all people, but believe it is for the majority. Then pregos around..Meaning everyone gets prego but you..This is the craziest thing to survive ever! I seriously decided I wouldn't let my colegues know..This was my choice and this way I felt a bit safier no one was going to ruin my ''peace''. The only one who's always been my rock of support was/is my dh. and let this whole story be among us only, not among co workers. So here I'm totally with you. As for how to deal -- I'm afaraid I'm not of much help here..

[angellllll]

It is really difficult to even socialize with people. It is as if no one gets me. So I can relate to you! The reason, why I prefer coming online, is to deal with my loneliness. My suggestion to you would be to keep your mind busy. People suffering from infertility are more prone to overthink. Are you planning to opt for any fertility treatments? Have you researched about them or anything like that?

[JanetteMarvin]

Honey, don't waste your time thinking about your colleagues. Recently I've came through this and now can say: of course, you can't feel better of knowing kids in Africa don't have water, but try to think your problem is solvable. There's no absolute infertility, and concerning your pregnant colleague - try to rejoice at her, maybe then your own state of health will get better. Sorry for my really harsh advices, but you better think about your own ways of dealing with your troubles. You always can talk here about things disturbing you and don't center on someone's life.

[ElectraHunter]

Hey Lumie! Sorry for hearing about your condition. It seems to be obvious, but... did you try to hire a psychologist? Your words sound like you have an acute depression or something like that. Maybe, he can make your mood go higher and teach you to deal with such destroying thoughts. I pray your things will go up and very soon you'll not remember about this terrible condition. Keep my fingers crossed!

[Mel77]

Well I read somewhere a lady was struggling the same issue. She doubted whether to be open to the collegues or not. Moreover she felt uncertain whether her boss had to know about her ivf journey. And finally it turned out that she did have a good hearty talk with her boss. And she turned out to be a kind women who'd been through the same thing time ago. And that they even made friends. And the lady struggling was sure to be understood and supported and didn't have to hide the events any more..I think this story is different for everybody. But hope so much there are more kind compassionate people at work for all of you, lovelies. Since this does bring relief you don't have to hide behind the screen only to share your thoughts/worries/expectations.. A lady here wrote '' We all are at different stages of treatment, but we all are on the same path'' It makes this very place unique. Thank you lovelies, for all your support and care xx

[Karinyaa]

I guess this is what we all face at times. Having prego people around is not much inspiring, eh? when you know you'll never cope naturally yourself without med help. This is how my personal story started, and i tend to think that it's more or less the same for the majority of us. we have to deal with all those ''when are you going to have kids?'' ''come on, you aren't getting any younger, honey, you should think about the baby'' ''you have everything, why don't you want kids?'' and loads of other insensitive & immature things people say too often.

[JustKnewIt]

I sincerely pray for everyone's success through ttc/ivf/surrogacy whatever! Before you say the first thing that comes to mind, look at who has the nerve to ask. Is it a close friend? A family member? Your husband? Your nemesis from college who always has to one-up you? Or is it just some random clueless person trying to make casual conversation and didn’t get the memo yet that pregnancy questions shouldn’t be on the list. Also ask yourself what their motivation is? Even though there are times the question feels intrusive and even downright mean, most people don’t have nefarious motives. Determining who is asking and why will help you figure out what to say. My point is, you don’t owe anybody anything: not deep, introspective soliloquies on the state of your womb, nor the whole truth, which they probably couldn’t handle anyway. Come up with a few good lines that will keep everyone happy: “When it happens, it happens!” / “That’s a great question!” / “I’m not sure. How’s your baby? Do all stay well! Xx

[Lumie]

Hi all, thank you for all your responses and opinions. I found them really useful. I came to the conclusion that people ask me so regularly that I have my stock answer of "I can't have children". I know this is not true but I am starting to lose hope. I think saying that to a few people who don't know me takes the pressure off. People close to me know what's happening. After saying it to a few people, it's almost like a relief. The pressure is off and I can enjoy life w little instead of being a wreck. We are, obviously still trying but noone has to know this. I don't get upset when AF comes, I just think "there's always next month". Its hard work being a woman. So many pressures. I just hope one day it will happen for us and for all of you out there.

People are forever telling me "it'll happen when you least expect it" or "it'll happen when you've given up" let's hope this is true.