Hello ladies! I don't know where to start... It's been a while since I posted on a fertility forum. I was diagnosed with a uterine cancer back in 2016. That's when my life was turned upside down. We'd been ttcing for like 2.5 years to conceive our son. He's almost 5. And I still remember how hard it was. Ttc sucks and when I knew I was pregnant I was so happy it was over. Then cancer... Well, I'll just say I went through hell. I'm sorry I don't want to go in-depth with that... I'm just happy it's over and I'm alive. Recently my husband mentioned that maybe it's time for us to think about having baby #2. I didn't know what to say... I know I want to have another child. I want a sibling for my son. Obviously, there is no way I can get pg and carry a baby. We'll have to go for surrogacy and I'm so not sure I'm ready for it... I wish we could just conceive right away...
I'm lost...: Hello ladies! I don't know... - Infertility Support
I'm lost...
And please PLEASE don't say "Why not just adopt". Bc we've tried and it didn't work out. It was a long time ago. And maybe the process is easier nowadays... But I really just do not want to go through it again. We are so not ready to go through it again. And I think we never will be. I get comments about adoption at least once per week lately. It starts to drive me crazy. Usually, people who suggest adoption have their own kids. They conceived right away and they know NOTHING about the process and how it actually works. I don't know which help I'm exactly asking for... I just want to talk with women, who faced pretty much the same I did. The last thing I need right now is a bunch of replies with adoption advice. I don't want to seem rude. I hope you'll understand.
Hello Suzzy, so sorry to hear about all you've been through. What has your doctor said about getting pregnant? After your cancer treatment, is it still possible for you to get pregnant naturally?
I doubt this really..
Though surrogacy can be demanding physically, emotionally, financially it may be still the best solution in the case. . I'm truly glad we've got this and many other options nowadays and the super great thing to start with is having someone to talk to and be sure to be understood with a single word. Honestly I worried much about language barrier at the begining of our journey. Seems everyone gets aware of. Thankfully we've got no problems with that so far. Just lovely understanding people around and our kind doc who've already explained us LOTs of fertility things.
So many of my family, friends and their friends have started their families within the past 4 years. Two couples in our core group of my friends have had baby #1 and are expecting baby #2 during the time we have been TTC. It's seems so easy for them all, it just makes me want to scream some moments. I have been dreaming of becoming a mom since I was little - I feel motherhood in my heart of hearts. And I am feeling the pressure of time - like the window of our chance to be parents is closing because this is so bloody unpredictable and I feel like it took forever! I was into invasive, long diagnostic procedures for so may times!..I can understand your pain..We turned to surrogacy because of my heart disease, severe .. This was the best decision we've ever made, surely.
Hi Lorraine, sorry to hear about your heart condition. But happy for you for finally having your baby - surrogacy or not - it is all the same - a baby of your own - who you will care for everyday for years - nothing can replace that bond 
Thank you for sharing. If couples decide to go to Ukraine for surrogacy, they also have to demonstrate that they require surrogacy. They have to provide suitable evidence such as the absence or deformation of the uterus to include adhesions or scar tissue. Risk to the health of the mother or potential child through pregnancy or by providing evidence of having 4 failed IVF attempts. The IP of a child born through surrogacy are considered to be biological parents from the moment of conception. They are specifically named as biological parents in the birth certificate without any mentioning of the surrogate mother. Importantly the gestational surrogate has no legal claim over the child!! Also no specific permission from any regulatory body is required. However written informed consent of all parties participating in the surrogacy program is mandatory! Unlike the US and Canada, babies born through surrogacy in Ukraine do not gain Ukrainian citizenship. Needless to mention relatively affordable prices.
Gestational surrogacy cases may require some paperwork so that you can be legally named parents of the child. Otherwise, all you need to worry about is acquiring an exit visa for the child!! But as usual there are some cons. While more affordable and financially feasible for you, you will unfortunately not be able to personally screen potential mothers for the surrogate pregnancy process in Eastern Europe. Since your baby’s life depends on the surrogate for nine months, it’s best to check your agency’s/clinic’s reputation when it comes to choosing and screening surrogate moms. Make sure your agency/clinic performs regular checks and home visits on the surrogate since you can’t be there physically to do it on your own. One should consider just everything.
Congratulations on your success! Surrogacy is a wonderful option, I'm with you. Though one should expect not to get as much support as expected. Recently I happened to come across the post where lady was saying she was being constantly blamed and judged by her dh's family. This made me so angry..She seemed to be beyond that definition. I mean ''infertile'' with everything she heard from her ''relatives''. It often happens that people do not understand the concept of surrogacy. And therefore assume it to be some ethereal thing, defying nature and so on. But in her case the shamming got exaggerated!
So my piece of advice was just in case her dh thinks his mother has a point or seems inclined to give his mother's suggestion a thought...the girl should not hesitate to dump him and move on. I think it will do telling anyone who comes along blaming that it's a fancy and not a real need that for surrogacy to get approval! Almost all the countries requires proof that the actual mother is unable to conceive or bear the child full term. So, unless you're having to deal with clinical infertility you can't really opt for surrogacy like a spa session...on choice. She really don't have to fall into the limbo of self-pity out of some mindless and heartless person's take on her. She must be strong! And there are so many similar stories on boards I'm getting sick..People aren't compassionate nowadays, are they?
The only people who know the field and advise, and hear and support we met at BTC in Ukraine. Our family relationships were quite sophysticated, but I knew for sure I'd be understood far away from home. They were our blessing!.
I'm so sorry about your situation. I'm so happy to see you are alive, you battled cancer! You are so strong and brave, hun! I think surrogacy is a great option. I understand you have some doubts. I also had them when I decided to go for donor eggs. Take some time to think about this option.
I'm sorry adoption didn't work for you. I get comments about it a lot. As I've mentioned already in another post, adoption is not a cure for infertility, and an adopted child is not a generic replacement for the longed for biological child. Adoption is a “cure” for childlessness, but not for infertility. For some the move to adoption is an easy and logical next step. For others it is not. I hate to receive comments about adoption as they are painful. I have nothing to say against the procedure itself. But it hurts when people carelessly say to just adopt when they know nothing about both infertility and adoption.
Your reply made my eyes bawling out. You're so so much right!! We have no time for waiting and I wish there were less people struggling infertility in future. This really pains there are so many nowadays!! I'd recommend guys struggling better look for the possible options now, and not wait until experimental miracle.
I totally agree. You can expect to pay about €40k for a surrogacy arrangement in Ukraine. This may or may not include a guaranteed take home baby package (Which will cover the cost of all the IVF attempts until you achieve a pregnancy.) You should also budget for flights and general living expenses, taking into account that you may have to stay there for up to 6 weeks post birth, angain, if it's not included into the package price. VIP package is 64900 EUR. The waiting time for the 1st att at a VIP package is 4 months. At a Standard package - up to 1 year. Have a look onto PDF contracts on their site.
I guess those sums are possible overseas only. Here's what they offer for example at our ukrainian clinic where we underwent donor egg ivf. Their costs for surrogacy programs vary between 40k -60k euro (Depending on number of shots). Depending on the package you choose, you can be provided with all or some of the following services:
Unlimited number of attempts. It means that in case of failure they’ll be trying again and again until they get the desired result and you travel back home with a baby. It’s already covered by your contract and doesn’t require any extra fees. All relevant medical examinations. Even if you have already been examined in other clinics and the reason of unsuccessful treatment wasn’t determined, they will do extra checkups in order to make treatment effective. All their packages include all medications for hormonal stimulation in framework of your program, vitamins, medical expenses and services of medical staff. Legal service: assisting in getting all documents in civil status registry office and embassy, translations, lawyer service, assisting of a manager at all stages of your program, etc. Accommodation, meals & transportation. Large base of egg donors and surrogate mothers. You have an opportunity to choose donor on your own. Their donor base is one of the largest, it enables them to start program just after signing up contract with no wasting time on searching for a donor. In order to get a baby’s passport, you need to prove genetic relation to the baby. There is a special procedure of DNA testing in the embassy in order to prove it. PGD- it is a genetic testing performed to the embryo prior to the implantation. You can make sure that embryos are healthy or determine the gender of embryos. Pediatrician supervision.
Babysitter and housemaid. In my opinion all this is worth considering.
This is the piece of news I heard some time ago. I was seriously astonished though. Was bewildered how far the world's science has stepped forward over a couple of years. Of course I would love to conceive the most naturally the possible. But unfortunately I cannot. So we had to use ART techniquest to have our only baby. It's always interesting to know clinics invent sth special for us.
Hi! I'm sorry you've found yourself here. It pains a lot there are so many of us..
Firstly wishing you the best of luck with your treatments. Secondly, I'm not sure I can post any links here, but I've come across a useful blog recently -asiu.us. An American couple there is describing how the surrogacy process went for them/costs/services they opted for. Just thought this could help.
There are so many reasons which can affect the spin of the events. One needs just one cycle, another one passes 4 and gets luck with the 5th. Yet another one may pass 7 and more rounds and be left childless and out of pocket. To protect the last, BTC, for example, invented its guarantee. A super good back plan to have in case body doesn't respond to treatments. One should be prepared for any outcome. I read once ''Hope for better, expect the worse''. We had to used donor eggs with ivf to conceive. It took us 2 shots. I'm just trying to say that living inbetween will keep you sane when going through this roller coaster.
I cannot speak positively enough about our experience at BioTexCom. We underwent surrogacy VIP program there and were very lucky to have our little boy after shot#1. We found every single staff member, that we dealt with, to be professional, friendly and respectful. We always were consistently made aware and informed of each process to be undertaken. Here I would like to say our great thanks to the med staff, our beautiful dr and nurses. We were treated with the utmost respect, kindness and understanding during this delicate and emotional journey.
How are you now suzzzy? Have you decided to push through with surrogacy? I hope you don't mind but do you want to have a baby? I was just wondering if your hubby knew you had cancer? But if you are the clinic I went to in Cyprus offers surrogacy. Try them out - I can send details through PM. Who knows, the lovely atmosphere there will be good for you too.
I feel very sad to hear how many people are going through this with their brave faces on and finally get luck!
When opting for ivf for the first time of my life I was told rather about complications of the process then of its benefits. Which I remember made me cry a lot. They told me about the odds of multiples. Because more than one embryo may be placed in uterus, chance of having twins or more is about 20 percent. And though many couples consider this a blessing, multiple fetuses increase your risk of miscarriage and other complications. I was told about the risk of ectopic pregnancy. Regardless of how we conceive. And all assisted reproductive technology treatments, including IVF, also make an ectopic pregnancy more likely. And that the occurance of risk of ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome is also possible. OHSS can happen when women respond too well to fertility drugs and produce too many eggs. This condition marked by weight gain and a full bloated feeling. And that some also have shortness of breath, dizziness, pelvic pain, nausea, and vomiting. If you have OHSS, your ovaries swell to several times the normal size and produce fluid that accumulates in your abdominal cavity. Normally this resolves itself with careful monitoring by a physician and bed rest but agree this is not the best experience to have either. Then we were told about the potential complications for baby. They may be more likely to be born prematurely or have a low birth weight. I believe this is not the best way to encourage the infertile. So we switched soon. I wanted to be told more about the process will work out and I'll feel good and my baby's fine rather then stressing over all those possible complications!
At BTC clinic things seemed to be much better than even expected. Their staff has always been compassionate and supportive. The thing I'll remember for my entire life is ''We'll try again and again unless are successful, so that you could soon take YOUR baby home''..So sweet..
And yes, our stories differ, but I love, definitely love, they are those with happy end. May god bless the infertile with lovely little ones!
I agree with the posters above. Surrogacy is definitely the way out. For some couples it's even the last option to seek help from. And it's very important to make the right choice. I mean where to undergo treatments. We had a lot of clinics on our list. But then realized that we should look for the surrogacy friendly law first. Because of this we took a closer look onto Ukraine. The hugest factor of all though, is that the surrogate has no right for the baby born in Ukraine. IP are the only legal parents of the baby. They are literally from the moment of conception! Then the costs of the procedure are much cheaper than anywhere else. The clinic we've been with has all inclusive plans. By all means they are attractive and eye catching. Medications included. Donor egg fee (if needed) is covered. Unlimited number of attempts. Meaning you'll get the baby in the end no matter how many shots are needed. Worth considering, definitely.
I think that surrogate mothers should be allowed everywhere. because if somebody can't have children they should still be able to raise a family of their own. To some people, having the same DNA as your child is very important. I believe that if someone is willing to be a surrogate mother to help somebody out, they should be able to. Also, gay people aren't able to have a baby with both of their DNA, so it would be nice to at least have one of the partners genes, and have the other legally adopt the child. If someone doesn't think they would be able to give away the baby after giving birth to them, they shouldn't sign the contract. Although there is always law and they will have to give up the child to the other family. The thing which amuses is that it'll never happen in Ukraine. Surrogate mothers in Ukraine have no rights on the child. As a rule, parent of the child is indicated by the biological father who provided the sperm. That's why for the program of surrogate motherhood in Ukraine can go only married couples. And for the same reason Ukraine do not cooperate with homosexual couples.
You may find this useful. Try looking onto bio texcom, kiev. They're doing huge job for IP. Ukrainian law on surrogacy and ART establishes that, at least, the intended father delivers half the genetic material. But the other half- the egg - can be delivered by an egg donor. Nevertheless, an egg donor remains anonymous. Also the general profile of surrogate/egg donor corresponds to caring, responsible and family-oriented women. They are conscientious women who truly wish to participate in the process. But you should keep in mind their general state of health and pregnancy history. All in all, their lifestyle is above all!
I also have to mention the following. Legal protections may vary greatly. In many states and countries around the world, the legal status of surrogacy differs dramatically. In some countries, such as the UK, Canada, Denmark, Australia, and New Zealand, only altruistic surrogacy is permitted. Bulgaria, France, Germany, Italy, Portugal, and Spain ban all forms of surrogacy. In America, surrogacy is protected on the state level. Surrogacy is not a decision one makes lightly. But there are so many obvious reasons why couples are more and more coming to Ukraine for surrogacy. There are many moving parts, from the legal team and agency, to the fertility clinic and doctors, and more. So it's obvious one should get financially prepared for it too. IP will want to know the details and get involved as much as possible. I read quite often IP manage to create long lasting relationships with their surrogates. Hope you'll manage too. Great times are coming.May I ask for the updates? Did you make your final choice? How are the things going?
Hi all. 2ww can be really dreadful. Waiting for the outcome is a roller coaster, seems even more than any other treatment step. I hope your surrogate got bfp then. so probably you're on the parenting list now. We've been with Biotex for the same reason - surrogacy. My dear sis came here to fight her PCOS. Her beautiful eggs did great deal. They created some really perfect blasts to transfer. They decided to put back 2. Both got stuck so they ended up with twins. Can you believe this?! Well, I also think this is a genes mater. All women in our family struggles this or that infertility issue. Our mom struggled to conceive sis for 12 yrs! This path is tough to pass. But if there is no way out then one should do it!! because the most precious jewels around your neck are your kid's hands, right? Every struggle is worthy!
I think this is the last thing I wanna add here. As for the safety of the process. It did bother to get to know that surrogacy law differs dramatically from state to state. Some allow it, others ban, yet others allow it partially - there seemed to be so many complications with it! So I guess turning to the agency would be the only reasonable solution here. Moreover, in some states the surrogate mother has the right to keep the baby after delivery! This can turn further into blackmailing etc if the surro wants extra compensation for her ''work''..Unfortunately, those painful things do happen. That's why I'm all for the surrogacy friendly law first, then for relatively affordable prices. And if it's a tandem - then you're absolutely lucky. Couples are turning to surrogacy in Ukraine more and more, and no wonder why. Its surrogacy law favors the IP more than the surrogates. The baby is considered to be the IP's from the very moment of conception. After the surrogate signs the contracts she has no right to keep the baby after delivery. No name of the surrogate is mentioned in the birth certificate.What also amazes, is that people usually feel quite open about their surrogacy journeys in Ukraine. They share experiences on different forums and some create wonderful blogs others can use for their researches. On oursurrogacyblog.wordpress.com one can contact the author for details for free. And if needed you may even meet her for a nice talk. I've read lots of positive posts on that. Anyway, who keeps on moving always benefits at the end, right?
Medicine is stepping forward. New methods have been introduced to the infertility treatment world. The donation of mitochondria is one of the newest. It allows women of 40+ yo and low AMH to still use OWN EGG for IVF.
I'm glad to have this great resource of support and information by side. Wishing all of you, lovelies, here the best of luck with your fertility journeys.
When we were searching for the best solutions, we studied all the options in different countries. asiu.us is awesome for the American surrogacy details. Guys finally decided to head off for treatments to Ukraine. All the posts are so vivid, one can hardly not take at heart..Prices in the USA sound really high. From what the blogger says, ''First, we looked into the process of surrogacy in the US, and found it to be overwhelmingly expensive ($60 – 150k), which was a factor, unless you have a kind family member or friend that is willing to carry it for you. If things go wrong, such as a surrogate backing out, or unfortunate situations like a miscarriage, you automatically have to pay at least $5k to match with another surrogate and do their health workup through the agency. It just seemed that there were so many costs that could be added at any time, and it seemed so unreasonable that most of that cost was going to the agency or lawyer, rather than the surrogate, who receives on average of $20 – 30k for the pregnancy. What also bothered us was that in some states, surrogate mothers retain a parental right to the child, and can even pursue custody. Even though the embryos placed in the surrogate have both of our DNA, the surrogate mother’s name is on the birth certificate, and then you have to go through the process of adopting the baby in court. The biggest factor of all for us, though, is time. All of the legal paperwork, signing a contract, matching a surrogate, having the surrogate go through the work-up, and so on, and next thing you know, it’s been a year or two since you started the process. Having already put in 5 years, we weren’t willing to wait for an indefinite amount of time again...I myself was though DE IVF in Ukraine, not surrogacy. But this was our really last option to count on if things go wrong with IVF.
I’m chimming in.
Surrogacy can be complicated, it's understandable. Gestational surrogacy involves complex medical procedures and surrogacy laws!! Legal processes can be overwhelming at times. So it is important to work closely with a trusted professional to ensure the process is completed safely and legally. Biotexcom offers all legal help to their patients and guides them through all the treatment steps. Secondly, surrogacy costs can be significant. Because of the number of people and services required to complete a successful surrogacy, it's usually overwhelmingly expensive. (If we tak for example, the USA it can go as far as $150k!! And at Biotexcom they offer the packages for everyone's pocket, depending on the number of shots). Surrogacy requires you to let go of some control. You will need to relinquish some control and trust your surrogate to carry the pregnancy for you. Surrogacy also takes its toll on body. That's why surrogates undergo numerous screenings; attend interviews and appointments; carry a baby for 9 months. During this time, gestational carriers are asked not to be engaged in any risky or strenuous physical activity. Biotexcom clinic is proved to take good care of its surrogates. At the end of it all, the reward of delivering a new family member surpasses any temporary inconvenience. All the very best of luck x.
I truly think, one should exhaust all the options before movig onto surrogacy. And if it’s endo, then it’d be nice trying lapo or sth first. Or stick to the right fertility diet. If no result, then turn to IVF. Surrogacy to me is really the last option to have a baby. I’ve always wondered what surrogates may feel. Developing an emotional bond with a baby during pregnancy and knowing that you will soon hand her/him over to another woman…I guess this can result in confusion, sadness, anger…whatever! During the nine months of gestation, she becomes emotionally attached to the baby growing inside her. I’m sure for some women, giving the baby up after birth may present a loss too challenging to overcome without outside help. Moreover surrogacy legal aspects differ much from country to country. In the US, for ex., intended parents have no legal right to claim the baby as their own. That may complicate the decision-making process for a surrogate who can’t bear the thought of giving up the infant. Thankfully, as far as I know, this doesn’t come to terms with Ukrainian law. There the IP are the only parents of a baby born. So while being a surrogate mother has potential for a flood of negative emotions, I do believe it can still be a joyous occasion. Bringing a child into the world for someone else is an experience with which there might be no comparison.
Commercial surrogacy is legal in the Ukraine. But it is only available to married heterosexual couples!! Dh and I used this option to get our LO into the family. ‘Guaranteed’ factor just blew us away. At BTC they would try again and again until are successful. If no luck – then money refund. Going into some details, couples also have to demonstrate that they require surrogacy. They have to provide suitable evidence such as the absence or deformation of the uterus to include adhesions or scar tissue. Risk to the health of the mother or potential child through pregnancy or by providing evidence of having 4 failed IVF attempts. The IP of a child born through surrogacy are considered to be biological parents from the moment of conception. They are specifically named as biological parents in the birth certificate without any mentioning of the surrogate mother. Importantly the gestational surrogate has no legal claim over the child!! Also no specific permission from any regulatory body is required. However written informed consent of all parties participating in the surrogacy program is mandatory! Unlike the US and Canada, babies born through surrogacy in Ukraine do not gain Ukrainian citizenship!!! Ukraine is currently a popular surrogacy destination. And it’s understandable why.
OMG, that's awesome!! Great they've solved the problem in this way. Surrogacy is a great option to use, surely. Though the law differs everywhere. So that you cannot pass the surrogacy treatment wherever you want. Or if you just want only.. This is usually a long cmplicated process. Dh and I passed surrogacy in Ukraine. Here's what's needed to be kept in mind. The Ukrainian law allows also egg donation, although egg donors must remain completely anonymous. This means that neither the donor nor the intended parents can get to know each other, including seeing pictures or in person.
Moreover, the legislation on ART practice in Ukraine allows the use of PGD with gender selection to choose the sex of the baby. Doing it by means of PGD means that it is carried out prior to the embryo transfer to the surrogate’s womb. It should be noted that using PGD for the determination of the embryo’s sex is permitted only to prevent an inherited condition related to the child’s sex.
It is important to keep in mind that the law allows embryo donation and sperm donation, too. However, as we have mentioned above, at least the intended father must provide his DNA for the creation of the embryo in surrogacy arrangements. youtube.com/watch?v=f1YTuUf... is a great source of information.
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