Hope for everyone

My name is Bloom. My husband and I live in Finland. I am 33 and we really want to become parents. I can get pregnant, but I can not give birth to a healthy baby. I suffered from diabetes since I was 15, and insulin must be used twice a day. I do not need to remind you how it’s important to feel the motherhood by yourself for any woman, this fact is comprehended by everyone who’s present at this forum. We were ready to adopt a child, because it is so noble. A lot of orphans are waiting to be adopted into the family and loved. This option is still alive, probably we may adopt a second child, I even know from which country. My husband and I love each other so much so we wanted a child resembling us. Of course we are able to convey our lines of character through the carrying and education, but we wanted the first-born to be with our features and blood. We agreed that surrogacy was a good option. It is prohibited in all its forms in our country. We’ve got enough money to buy the program in the US, but we have surely chosen another location. My husband was born in an orphanage in Ukraine, his parents adopted him and he left Ukraine still being a toddler. He does not speak the Ukrainian language, but always wanted to return home. We did not trust the reviews among the Internet sources and contacted directly with a number of the Ukrainian Centers for Reproductive Medicine to listen to their suggestions. Two clinics were credible. We chose one of them just because of small parts to lose doubts. And two weeks before the scheduled date of the meeting we flew to Ukraine. We visited 7 cities: Odessa, Kiev, Lviv, Uzhgorod, Dnepr, I have forgotten the names of the last two small towns where we were. I can conclude that this is a country with the rather dirty streets, but not as dirty and crowded as in Asia. And people do not stick to you to sell something like in the Middle East. There are very nice people, especially women, and rather poor but not all. Ukrainians have real idiotic government they don't deserve but concerning to the surrogate motherhood in the legislation all is simple and understandable. We did not try to save the money, but anyway the prices of goods and services even in the capital were absolutely fine to us. Kiev is a large and fashionable city, not so giant as Moscow or St. Petersburg (Russia), but quite modern and developed. I want to describe what was happening to us and what we were doing during the program. I hope it will be interesting to you, will not it? We signed a contract for the most expensive package of services at the clinic, VIP package. So that I can comment on everything, like an expert. Because we were granted with all the services that the organization has. In the first and following visits we were fully provided with transportation and driver and also with English-speaking manager. It was a very pretty looking and smart in communion girl. We lived in a large apartment near the center with beautiful views (like writing a review of the hotel in Turkey). In short, a house - 5 out of 5, interpreter - 5 out of 5, and great tasty food. housekeeper cooked a real borsch. This is a local traditional dish, divine red soup, very generous and tasty.

Full cost of the package is 50 thousand euros, but there are several cheaper options. We were told that lower cost of the package would not affect the quality of services, and the couples would be provided to all. We felt that the price was acceptable for us so we were satisfied. During the first visit we stayed for 2 days to sign the contract and for the testing. Right there at the apartment my husband gave a blood sample. All services and transfers were covered by our package so that no surprises should be. We really wanted our baby being an owner of our biological information. But because of my damn disease, I can not make use of ovarian stimulation. It's too dangerous. We had to choose a donor. The question with which we had to face was not easy. My child will not have anything from me. Would he feel a relation with me? Will he love me? I was weeping aloud. But if the egg donor is the only way we have to try it! There is a huge and rich base of donors in this clinic. Really great database with photos and video materials. We could choose over a week. My husband and I chose a beautiful girl. Who even looked like me. Dr. confirmed that our surrogate mother was a very young, but healthy and pretty woman. We couldn’t have a meeting with her before 12 weeks of pregnancy. It’s a rule. Doctor told that such meetings and other serious talks can disturb her emotional condition. It may be bad for a baby. So we “met” at Skype after three months of expecting. She is a neat-looking of course with no bad habits and bad heredity. I had questions for her. Is it difficult to her to take such a step? She said that everything was fine and that was a planned decision. The money she took she’d invest in the development of her son. (Actually she must have her own healthy baby to be a surrogate mum.) This was a worthy response. Wouldn't she get any maternal feelings for our child after its birth, could it be a problem? She has assured me that she promised being very cautious during pregnancy, but she'd be ready not to claim for the child and not feel as a mother. Everything was great. The second visit lasted about a week, during which fertilization has been performed, and we returned to Finland. We’re sure that the conduct of surrogate mother is under the control of the clinic. And she needs nothing. We have received the results of the ultrasound on the 3rd and 6th month of pregnancy. We'll have a boy! Time has flown like-meteor quickly, we barely had time to prepare everything. It seems we have bought a whole Disneyland. We did not hide the news from our friends, and maybe now they are waiting for our boy, just as we are. Estimated delivery date is in two weeks and we are ready to fly to Kiev again. Very and very worry, we believe that everything will be well. Clinic strengthens our faith. They act directly according the contract, all the items were carried out on time and accurately. No claims. We're almost happy! By the end of the story i got dizzy head and I lose the line of thoughts. I will not re-read, I hope that what I said will be useful and important to someone. With love, Bloom and her husband.

19 Replies

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  • Wow, dear! That's amazing! I really felt your pain, it's so hard. I have similar situation and now we are looking for a clinic in europe like you were. I've heard a lot about it. And I'm about to contact them but have some doubts. I'm very curious in all this because I had some bad experience in one clinic and I'm not sure whether my choice is right. And you story made me more stonger.

    Uh, I wanted to ask one question, may I? How did you contact them? What did you write? Sorry if my questions seem to be stupid.

    Xxx

  • Hi:)) No,no, you’re right, everything's alright. This affair forces to ask plenty of questions and each are important in our situation. As you could find out my husband is from Ukraine. And even we talked about adoption he preferred the option to adopt Ukrainian boy. There are many beautiful reproductive centers in the US, we have enough money for their service. But after journey within the homeland of my husband moreover after meeting with manager of the clinic we chose all my doubts were dispelled. So we are now in preparation to visit Ukraine once again in a week. That should be the final round, we gonna see our baby and take him with us. We belong to Finland and our legislation does not have any reglamentation of the surrogacy so it threatens to use such procedures in our country. No statistics, no base, no normal rules for this… so it’s easier to say that no one has a permission on surrogacy here in my country. Nevertheless we have to take part in such legal program with guarantees, rich database, and all necessary supplying in Ukraine.

  • Wow, so you are happy parents right now. And what about surro mother? Did you like her or not. Was she intersted in seeing a baby? Because I've heard that sometimes surro moms don't want to speak and see intendent parents.

    But how will go to your country? Do you need special permission for the baby? Is it not suspicious to come back home with a new born?

  • Not yet, dear, not yet:-) We're just pre-parents :-) Cause we’re diligently preparing for our baby’s coming up! It must happen in seven or six or less days. We’re in flames of extremal expectation. Got no proper words to describe our current feelings. It’s the same as the fireball or lighting inside my chest. Very exiting feeling. We have decorated and beautified a nursery aftwer 10 days we did it again. We bought approximately million toys for every age. We had only skype conversation with SM. She and interpreter. I can say that she’s rather young, pretty good looking. It’s not the most important thing we may worry for. Sounds a bit offensive for women but it’s normal to consider that girl as a container for our happiness. Sorry me. Feeling shame and confused when say in such way. She’s really very kind. She assured that she would not get maternal feeling. I trust her words. I cannot feel comfortable due to the affair with documents after birth. Because it will not depend on my clinic. Exactly they promised me to help with all paper difficulties, but they cannot impact on embassy etc. but we know success examples of coming back home with baby from Ukraine :-)

  • There’re so a lot of giant stories but I practically can’t find relevant information. It makes me wearied. Everyone has to dive into depths, read volumes of the different material in order to find out the link to the intended clinic. Dear, your story touched me and affected, made my cry, gave me a hope, but where is the certain location of that place? You applied to one of the reproductive centers in Ukraine, it’s almost understandable, but was it so difficult to put down the address link? I won’t say anything wrong to you. I’m just tired. My family is searching for good quality medicine help. If you know something, share please, do it into private messenger as you wish. Thanks

  • it was not possible to tell about ourselves for a long time. We have the seventh day in Kiev. It was a very exciting and busy time. In fact, it continues. We’ve arrived the day before the birth of our baby. This is not exactly according to the rules and requirements. It is better to be here in advance. It was a question of caesarean section but the birth went well and naturally. They were laying at the hospital for 4 days and we visited them. Although it was not mandatory, but we presented a small and nice gift to our surrogate mother. She has deserved it. After the mother could be discharged, she immediately went to a notary public to sign a refusal. And while this time my husband was doing a DNA test. Thank God, we had no problems with the documents process. The girl was born so small and fragile. Her weight was a little less than normal. But she is doing well and gaining the weight. We were provided with a newborn package, so we have all the things we need to take care of our baby. After discharge, we were already with the baby and returned to our apartments. This is a very large, even too large for us. We arrived with my husband's mother. She seemed more ready mentally for the birth of her granddaughter. Her joy knew no bounds. The girl is growing every day. It is even possible to notice the difference. Pediatrician comes and makes a survey every day. Also we are provided with 24/7 phone consultation of the leading English-speaking pediatrician. We have an assistance of housekeeper since morning till evening too. Because of presence of two adult women we asked our housekeeper come later and leave earlier. I think she likes it. She is wise and pretty Ukrainian woman, she does not speak English at all, but she has a secret ability to explain everything by pantomime. It's very funny and usefully. I guess if she knew Finnish or even English we'd be told a lot interesting stories about Ukrainian life. So now whole our days are devoted to our baby. We have not come up with her name yet. Perhaps you can help us with this? I do not know maybe I've lost some facts and forgot to write about it. It's easy to loose thought when all the thoughts are about your firstborn. Actually I remember! The name of the clinic is biotexcom. I promised to name it in case everything would go all right. Wait for your responses and questions. Bye-bye! Your Bloom currently from Ukraine.

  • Oh-h-h, thank you for nice variants! I see the meaning of the symbol you wrote about. Good idea! We will be thinking of this. Our baby needs to have amazing name as she is!

  • I adore success stories!!! Well, after I've posted mine I was concerned if it's ok to tell people, who are still fighting infertillity, that I'm a happy mother..however it became clear that women like us are ready to share not only their troubles but also to be really happy about someone's joy or small victories. I was proud when I was told that my experience was encouraging. So is yours!

    Hugs xxx

    PS. have you chosen a name?

  • No, we’ve not yet! Just in processing. Want something bewitching!

    I think it’s right to do so. Our stories can inspire or give hope to great number of people. Actually our way is only ours, but we can be useful telling about this.

    Perhaps such story may help to choose a country or even concrete clinic. But I didn’t want to mention the certain name of the center where I’ve been. That had to be a story just about my little victory. But if we can look at the other side of this we’ll see that it’s a real prompt for people who seek. I suppose we did well. Also it’s a great field for human communication for sharing of the most important things, it’s a quota of a credence, I mean.

  • Yep, inspiration and support are the things we all need, not only when we have problems but in everydaylife.

    But what was written in the birth certificate? I suppose you have one and it can't be emty, right?

  • Oh! It's too confusing question to explain it in a nutshell. Surrogate mother mentions the name of the child in her denial. Than our surname is combined with that name. But it does not mean that my girl will be called Diana for life. That because all procedures are quickly resolved. Today we started to call her Avril. My husband’s mom loves it.

  • Oh i get it now, but it's so complicated ... Are you sure this won't cause any problems in future? Is it easy to change her name? Btw, do you love that name or it was your mother-in-law's choice?

  • Hi! Something is out of order in my forum settings I no longer receive a notifications about the responses.

    Or I’m just remiss.

    It was my husband 's mom’s idea to give her such name.

    Today we have April outside, the name of this month sounds in tune of my sweetie’s name.

    I love everything that relates to her, the name isn’t certainly the exception.

  • Oh hello, it's been a while

    but why did you agree to give her that name if you didn't like it and wanted to have April? you have complicated relationships, right?

    I'm happy to know you are doing well. She must be a lovely girl with this wonderful name.

    As far as I understand you are not going to leave communities as well, right? Can't stop sharing your experience?

  • No. no. we have perfect relationship, my husband’s mom is a special woman but she loves me and our Avril very much.

    She gives all she has just to see we don’t need anything and everything is ok!

    I love and respect her too.

    Yes, but now I have too little time to spend it on forums. You know why. But I have a desire to help and give an advice.

    I try to be careful in advising because it’s a very responsible engagement, it impacts on other’s lives. and I’ve got no right to make someone’s life harder.

  • i see now, i just got you wrong. that's great that you have a person who supports you so much although it's not even your mother. however don't make a convenience of her readiness for sacrifice. I mean my mother is the same and as long as I remmeber myself she was ready to give me everything and even more. When I was a girl I didn't realized it fully but then I found out that she lost so many chances to become happier because of being so selfless. She was waiting for grandchildren and this was my biggest dream to make such gift for her..but I failed.

    Sorry for this story, just overwhelmed with memories. Be a good girl and appreciate her for what she does for you.

    We are adult people and we all know that advices should be taken critically. Your opinion is subjective anyway, don't be afraid of making someone's life harder

  • You know words make hurt. They can change anyone’s mood, sometimes even life can be changed by the power of words.

    As for me I really trust in their might.

    So I wished to be more careful and polite but meanwhile I wanted to be in touch with persons who needed a support and who could give it.

    It’s nice to have such a place where we can exchange our thoughts and feel we are not alone.

  • Hi all!

    I want to report that our day it’s like a little story about fatigue and happiness. we are not getting enough sleep. Our little girl grows. She is strong and active. We are always with her. I even could not think how it’s difficult and exciting to be a mom. Embassy sent a request to Finland, we wait for answer. I hope everything goes alright. Biotex gives us all we wish. Can’t say anything wrong about their ability of service providing. Good days we have. Really thrilling time.

  • It’s been a while since i had written it. Accidently I found this post and felt a wave of warmth. It’s my own story that is lasting and inspiring me.

    With each coming day I become farther from the starting point. I love and value my role in this adventure.

    Am not against such word. It describes well.

    Unfortunately I hadn’t a strict idea to keep a diary throughout my journey.

    In some years I’d be able to share it with my grown-up baby.