Hi everybody, I’m Martha and I want to share the story of my life with you, because I personally think you can learn a lot from my experience and my mistakes. Things were not going the best way possible lately, but as saying goes “The night is darkest just before the dawn”. At least I want to believe that.
My story begins when I was 33 years old. I fell in love, madly. Unfortunately my love interest was poor choice but I got to realize that later. First couple of years flew by like it was nothing, I thought we were happy and loving, but then my husband started to get worse. I saw that he cares less and less for me, no more flowers, compliments, gifts, attention, all of that started to go away. The only thing I was left with was his aggression and enormous ego. Nevertheless we lived pretty good life, in our own house, without need for anything more. Then horrible accident occurred. After 5 years of relationship I got pregnant. He demanded abortion, threatening to leave me alone with child, saying that he won’t give a single penny to “little brat”. I was shocked, how man who I loved so passionately could say such awful thing about our child. But I agreed to his threats and did an abortion. Everything got even worse after that, that abortion hit me really hard. I started to lose faith in myself, my self-esteem dropped down the well. I started to take anti-depressants, trying to kill crippling depression that grew inside of me. Two years later same thing happened again. Another pregnancy, another threat to leave, another abortion and mental breakdown for me. I just couldn’t handle it anymore. I gained weight because I tried to drown my feelings in sweets, alcohol, pills. No surprise that didn’t work out very well. I felt like a bag of bones, life lost all of its colors. This nightmare continued for 4 more years. After couple suicide attempts I realized that I need to change it right now or I will end up jumping from the bridge.
After one of our fights full of broken plates and screams I decided to change everything. I broke up with this abusive moron. Little did I know that that bastard will crawl back to me in 3 months, pleading for me to forgive him. “Not this time” I said to myself. I moved to separate apartment and broke all connections with him. Only after that I started to realize how bad my health and mind state was. I got gym membership, started to eat healthy and tried to enjoy what I have. Even after 8 years this horrible relationship has its mark on me.
The other day I went to corporative meeting where I met wonderful man. His care, honesty and charisma shocked me. As we started seeing each other, my horrible past started to let me go. Mathew has 15 years old son, very well behaved young boy named Marvin. As strange as it sounds we got along pretty fast, soon he started to see me as his good friend and didn’t hesitate to ask for my advice. But my past still found a way to screw me over. I was too old and too afraid to have kids. I was afraid being rejected once again until Mathew told me that he wants to have a child with me. Needless to say I was stunned. Unfortunately I cannot give birth anymore, menopause is cruel thing, to every women. And now I feel miserable because I can’t give life anymore, I feel like I have no purpose anymore. My husband comforts me and says that we will find a way to have our very own child, and I trust him. Can anyone suggest anything? Did you have similar problems?Thanks for reading. Photo of me and Marvin. .xx
4 years of trying... 
Struggling 
I'm lost...
IUI and IVF