Struggling

[LeanneM30]

Hi there, I am new to all this so please bare with me. I just really wanted some advice and how I can get to where I need to be. Me and my husband got married in 2013 and started trying and nothing happened and I mean nothing! So hard and struggled so bad each month with emotions! So we decided after 4years it was the right time to see our go who did lots of test and did a referral to our local hospital. Since then we have 2 appointments to find out that my husband had a low count and low movement of sperm and I have PCOS and I am about 3stone over weight we’re told to change our lifestyle to which we have and and I have one stone in weight and working on the next as we were basically told we wouldn’t have our own children without medical help. Which was a massive shock to us and it’s been hard to deal with ever since. But also we feel we havnt had a lot of support from our local hospital and feel we should have had a lot more done more us does anyone else agree and how have they experienced their hospitals? We are due to go back in April this year to see what else is going to happen but we are not hopful at being any the wiser after a year and half of being referred.

Hope to hear from you soon 😊

[emu2016]

I struggle with the topic of hospitals. I spent about 6 years going from reason to reason at the hospital but they never did any tests which determined my FSH, LH, AFC or AMH levels. Eventually when they did it was so late that the consultant said my diagnosis was likely always the issue. I was of course angry that more could have been done; but I think that represents an under resourced NHS more than anything. I wish I’d demanded my GP refer me sooner. Instead of being so British!

Lots of luck on your journey. Everything will feel raw and confusing at the moment x

[LeanneM30 in reply to emu2016]

Thank you so much for your reply, if you don’t mind me asking how are you doing now? And did you get the help you needed? We are looking into going private as we think this will be the best way forward for us.

Kind regards

[emu2016 in reply to LeanneM30]

I’ll start my third round of ivf in a few weeks. Once we’d had the right diagnosis everything moved a lot quicker. We’re also private but through a hospital now which is much quicker. xx

[AmbK in reply to emu2016]

As far as I've figured the private clinics are much more attentive and responsible towards the patients. Some days back a lady was complaining in one of the forums that the staff who did her initial diagnosis were not very enthusiastic about helping with her fertility probably because she was around 36. Another one complained that they didn't give her an alternate date for more than 2 months even though she cancelled her appointment in advance. I guess there is really some problem with the hospitals... at least some of them for people can't be just dissatisfied with them for no reason.

[emu2016 in reply to AmbK]

I’m not sure what your trying to point out about my reply. I have lots of friends and family who have had great swift experiences of IVF treatment under the NHS. Of course you get a different service under private clinics. But we mustn’t forget the sheer effort and strength of our ever stretched NHS isn’t down to the people but down to how they’re run. I don’t think I was saying people were dissatisfied for now reason.

[AmbK in reply to emu2016]

I didn't mean to draw any comparison between NHS and private clinics as a "go private" agenda. It's just that different people have different experiences over their fertility programmes and not all of them are pleasant. See, the main post is all about how dissatisfied Leanne feels with her attending hospital as well. I agree with whatever you said about swift experiences and acknowledge the efforts put forward by NHS to help women like us, but can you really convince the lady that whatever she felt shouldn't have an impact on her opinion about hospitals unless she gets a better experience at some other hospital. It's as simple as that.... the complaints are not against NHS but to improve the experience with NHS wherever it's in a malfunction. That's what feedback is meant for! You're right people are dissatisfied for a reason and it's in the best interest of all that the institutions are run by staff who are empathetic towards each case and not really in haste of duty. Surely, NHS is doing a great job but their efforts are often being marred by irresponsible attitude or ineffective communication or incompetent counselling which must stop.

[AmbK]

Hi Leanne, welcome to the group! After reading your post, I guess you want to ensure there's no other way than what your referred hospital propose that could work for you guys, correct me if otherwise. Firstly, if you're diagnosed with PCOS either the PCOS has to be set right before you can expect to conceive naturally... which again might take around a year depending on your current condition. I assume your menstrual cycle are not pretty regular due to PCOS, would you mind telling me how infrequent they are? Did you receive any medication for PCOS as of now... certainly you need some time to reduce the 2 stones and the medication in the meantime can be beneficial. The sperm count and motility on your husband's part isn't really a major issue and lifestyle changes for better does have a huge positive impact in improving both the condition. Excessive stress, physical and emotional is an absolute no no when trying to improve sperm count. Plus, when you go back in April ask for some D-aspertate and zinc supplements if the improvements are slow. Hope this information helps in relieving you a bit and induce hope. WIsh you luck!

[Mel77]

Hi, LeanneM30! I'm sorry you have to struggle. I guess this is right to chat to ladies and get more insight how one can cope. I'll share my story. After unsuccessful years ttc we applied for help to a fertility clinic. They found out the issue was luteal phase defect and my ripe age. Dh was/is normal. As the priority of the clinic was using own eggs for ivf, they advised us going this route. Though we were given only 10% verdict of conceiving with oe. But we though we couldn't afford cycles with that low chances and moved forward with egg donation. Our 1st shot was bfn. But the next one brought us twin pregnancy. I've never regreted about using donor eggs for the procedure as I love my children as much as I can. We have only positive experience with the clinic and the process. Even if I could go back and fix it so I could have genetic children I wouldn't. I have the children I was meant to have. I do wish our next cycle would work for a sibling though it's another emotional rollercoaster. But we're in this game.

I'd also like to say you might be in better position. Male issues can be improved turning to a healthy diet, some physical activity and taking supplements. And as far as your body produces healthy eggs you can count on a cycle with own genetic material. We are not experts here and can only support and share experience. The most important part of the job depends on fertility experts and clinic you're with. We've chosen the one overseas for our previous rounds and achieved the goal. We're confident with the place so are here again for another de ivf cycle.

I do want so much you get rid off this nightmare soon. But you should be prepared for this special journey. I believe they'll want you to pass more analysis to investigate the case better and find the best treatment option for you. Wish you all the best of luck with further steps. Stay strong xx

[LeanneM30 in reply to Mel77]

Thank you for your reply but you will have to forgive me as I am unsure of some of the terminology that you use as this is all very knew to me.our whole process has been very difficult and even a year down the line we are still finding it very difficult.

I am very pleased you got your babies at the end of your journey! Thank you for your advice. 😊 x

[nataliejames492]

Uh-oh, that's not a very nice experience. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. Which country do you live in? It can help knowing so that we can suggest you better clinics from your locality through our experiences. You see, the best part about forums is that you can meet so many people with similar problems as yours. Well, it's not good that they're in the same pain. But, it is comforting to know that we're not alone. It seems like two-way infertility in your case. I wouldn't call it infertility because you can still conceive with PCOs. However, seeing the time period of your TTC, I think it's better to make a decision now rather than keep waiting. It took me and my husband three years of TTC to realize that we're done getting Negative pregnancy tests. I had endometriosis so we were somewhat expecting this to happen. Anyway, we discussed our options. We considered surrogacy and adoption but chose surrogacy. I'm really glad we made that decision. Chin up, and decide if you want to be happy like us, too.

[LeanneM30 in reply to nataliejames492]

Thank you for reply, we are just going by what our doctors have told us that having our own Children natural to me is a fertility issue.

We are from the Untied Kingdom. If you don’t mind can I ask where you are from and how did you go about looking into surrogacy?

[Mel77 in reply to LeanneM30]

Hi, honey! Hope you're well and things are going well for you x Just wanted to ask for some 'confirmation' So my quick question is: are all of the following things 100% accurate with surrogacy process in the UK? ~

The woman who gives birth is always treated as the mother in UK law and has the right to keep the child (Even if they’re not genetically related!) However, parenthood can be transferred by parental order or adoption.

Surrogacy contracts aren’t enforced by UK law (Even if you’ve a signed deal with your surrogate and have paid for her expenses.) It’s illegal to pay a surrogate in the UK, except for their reasonable expenses. The child’s legal father or ‘second parent’ will be the surrogate’s husband or partner unless: legal rights are given to someone else through a parental order or adoption; the surrogate’s husband or civil partner didn’t give their permission to their wife or partner.

If your surrogate has no partner, or they’re unmarried and not in a civil partnership, the child will have no legal father or second parent unless the partner actively consents.

Thank you!

[Karinyaa]

Hi, hun! Fertility treatments usually involve many people into the whole process. You may feel from time to time like you're passed forward from hands to hands. You may think you get less attention as needed. We experienced the same. But looking back I'd say they did less with the previous clinic we were certain with ( They advised us to pass IUI, then ICSI shots with own egg - all the attempts failed and left us with nothing but 'we're sorry, maybe following round..'

This pushed us onto switching the clinics. Next time we found ourselves abroad passing ivf with donor egg. Our new experts told us my eggs were not going to work because of their poor quality. And they really couldn't understand the reason the previous one suggested trying IUI and ICSI with own egg. (Looming out our money?..)

Well, will all my heart I wish you the best with your cycle. Experiences with clinics differ among people here. You'll definitely read various points of view. But the more you are confident with the place you're in the less stress you will face while passing the treatment. Wish you all the best of luck in the world! x