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Infertility Support
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infertility,,im in a sticky situation

im 49 years old with 2 healthy full grown children ...my husband and I have been together for 8 years and married this august,, I have been pregnant 2 times with our baby but lost both at 3 months ,he has never had children and married me knowing that I probably couldn't have anymore children because of my age but said it was ok with him because he loved me and just wanted to be with me no matter what...we went to a ivf clinic last week and did all the testing and talked about our options...ivf has a slim chance of working because of my age and our best bet is using a egg donor...I have thought this all through over and over for the last week,,,,,,i told him I am willing to try the ivf but I wasn't comfortable with using a egg donor,, and,if we have a baby I want it to be a part of both of us...he still insists on using a egg donor,, but I think if it was the other way around and I was fertile and he had male issues he wouldn't want to use a sperm donor....this is really eating away at me...am I being selfish??? has anyone else been in this situation ???

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Hi,

I have just read this and from what you are saying he was ok not to have a child so why go to an IVF clinic? Personally I would trust my gut instinct; if using a donor egg did not make me comfortable I would stick to my guns and make it clear that was not going to be an option. If he is not happy about it, just remind him his commitment to you and if he decides after all that he wants a child then you will both have to reassess things but whatever you do, don’t go against your gut feeling when it comes to bringing a child into this world. Having a baby should be the result of love, not a means to keep one’s partner happy!

Good luck

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thank you for your reply...I decided to go with him to the ivf clinic to give this one last shot,,,,i do want to have another baby WITH him but not FOR him,,,i don't feel comfortable having a egg donor so I will take your advice when the topic comes up again,,,we've been avoiding the topic,,him because he's scared im going to say no to the egg donor again and me because im scared of a fight....thanks again:)

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I am sorry to hear about your loss. I can understand that this be can be a very tough situation. However, don't worry I am sure things will get better. I myself have also opted for IVF with DE. However, this is the only option that we have, therefore, I am not thinking the other way round. Maybe you should talk about these things with your husband. Ask him about his thoughts just for peace of your mind. Stay strong and positive.

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thank you very much for your reply and advice :)

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Stem cell treatment and male infertility and female infertility on youtube

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thank you... I will check that out:)

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Hi honey. I absolutely understand your concerns. Here's a couple of things to share. I'm 37 yrs old. But was diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve at 33. We did medicated cycles (the first was chemical). Since then all BFNs. We turned to IVF with own egg - still no baby. Then went straight to ivf using donor eggs. It resulted in adorable DS. Later we came back to the same clinic for a sibling for him. Im now almost 13 weeks pregnant with little one (though they placed back 2 A grade embies on ET day). Using donor eggs was an not easy decision for us. We previously paid a hundred percent out of pocket. and knew we could only afford to do yet one program with own egg. An egg donor gave us the best chance of pregnancy (And getting enough embryos to freeze!! so we could have more children without the expense of more retrievals.) I know we wouldn't have got as many embryos if we were to use my eggs. I was also worried about egg quality and recurrent miscarriage with my own eggs. I view donor eggs as a huge blessing. It has given us the possibility of growing our family we've always dreamt about.

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Congratulations on your second pregnancy! I have nothing against donor conception but I doubt it will be as good as it proved to be with you. You see the OP is 49, premenopausal and at 37 your problems with implantation and gestational complications definitely less likely compared to her. Which is why I was insisting if she can really manage to consult for surrogacy with some good clinic than trying to know her chances with DE+IVF.

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I'm sorry to hear you're facing this. Your doctor is the one who actually knows the details of you particular case. so you should trust him on the treatment to follow to achieve pregnancy. Egg donation offers high success rates. However, for your own peace of mind, I recommend that you ask for a second medical opinion. As you said, you're still not there. Furthermore, donor-egg IVF is an expensive procedure. They say, the rate of miscarriage for women who conceive using IVF with fresh embryos is similar to that of women who conceive naturally - about 15 to 25 %. I'd advise to study what's hiding behind your losses. I know it hurts. and it would be hard to open the scars, but dr has to investigate and say the reasons. It it's due to lining condition, for example - then do give own eggs another try. If it's going about egg quality - then I'm afraid you should be realistic on what to expect. Also your story sounds like your dh is in haste. he desperately wants a kid with you, but doesn't much care of its genetic relation. I guess he may not have understood the core what it means for you. and if there's a single chance you're more likely to use your eggs once more..I hope you'll have a nice hearty talk with him soon and clearfy things. Stay strong, honey.hope is the last thing to die..

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Hello ladies, I just want to say that miracle do happen! We had scan today. I was wake since 4am and waiting for another 5 hours to get my self and dh to see my little one knowing is doing well. My naughty baby didn't want to laydown on back. just on side or turning on his/her stomach. It took us 30 min. It was amazing to see how much grow my baby.. I cannot wait for next scan to see again my little one. Ladies good things happens and miracle too..This is our DE IVF LO. Baby dust to all of you. xx

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How old is your Husband? If you did go for IVF consultation, did you have the basic test done... especially SA? Well, sorry I don't intend to hurt your feelings or scorn your optimism but at your age, it might be tough for even the IVF to succeed. Yes, donor conception could make a good chance of success with IVF but I wouldn't be very confident about it. Because at your age it's not the egg quality but there might be trouble with implantation and to continue gestation as well. Also, I can totally understand if you'd want to have a biological baby with the man you love... there's no reasoning against it. It's possible I'd say... well you'll have to adjust to more than just DE though and get to an excellent clinic like Biotexcom who've had a good success rate with surrogacy in older rather menopausal women. Yes, once the test is done you they'll let you know if you can be the biological mom. In most cases, your eggs can be improved but implantation problems at this age are a more complex thing to overrule.

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