drop in update

[mylko]

hello lovelies; i hope you are all well.

i apologise for my absence since last month, i’ve been on quite a roller coaster in my mental health & physical health.

3 weeks ago i turned 22, something my family didn’t think i would make only 4 months ago. i was surrounded with love and celebrations, and i couldn’t be more thankful for being given another chance at life. i became so much more positive, i managed to tackle 2 huge milestones. the first was staying for a full night at my friend’s house and the second wad that i decided at long last to sleep in my own bedroom after having not slept in it since the night i attempted suicide and landed in ICU.

on the flip side, things are worsening in my body as each day goes by. my swallowing has reversed back to choking on almost everything; my amnesia continues to steal my memories and leaves me feeling confused & foggy minded (this became so awful that i bumped into an ex-flatmate from university last year and didn’t know who she was at all despite her calling my name..i was thoroughly upset and angry that i had now started to forget people); my joints are crumbling quicker than ever, i now can’t walk without at least one joint dislocating or cracking with each step; all of this has taken a toll on my mental health and i feel simply worthless and confused as to if i will ever be happy or healthy again ?

i’ll sign off with a happier picture of me, i just wish i could know this girl more.

[FamilyHistorian]

Hi Autumn

So glad to hear from you. Weren’t you lucky to be at home for your birthday. It was my 72 nd this year and I was in hospital. They did offer me cake but they forgot I was fed by tube. I also missed Christmas and that is gone for ever. As it happens I was also in hospital for my 70 th but then cake was on the menu and my wife seemed to be baking for days for the staff!

I’m glad to say that I was signed off by SaLT although I still have to be careful. I can eat crispy potato skins but not lettuce- it’s so clingy and some cake is difficult. Being signed off has taken some of the worry away. Memory issues - no memory- still exists whilst I want to get it back the concern about is not as great may be 90% concerned. I have started CBT & counselling and I have been writing about that on this forum. I have now completed 5 sessions and I am working out strategies and goals which seem to help. I had a really strange flash back last week!

So mentally it is a slow process.

Physically things a moving on again slowly but I have now got weights, bands and loops. The yoga is really good for my voice box but on the physical side I have to be careful. We have 2 new physical trainers whose style is different from one another and the previous trainer. We are all at different levels and they keep a very individual eye on us. The times for the physical exercise have changed to 1130 Mon & Thur.

I hope you will feel strong enough to rejoin us at ICUStepsChester. By the way we have a second younger person also from the Plymouth area.

Simon

[PeterJu]

Hi

Lovely to hear from you again. Loved the photo u posted. I just wanted you to remember the words you wrote in your post :

“surrounded with love and celebrations”.

This is sure- fire, rock hard evidence, witnessed and experienced by you which clearly demonstrates you are not worthless; in fact the exact opposite!

Like you, I’m really struggling with the things that I can’t do any more. However, we will improve. We are surrounded by people that love us as we are and we will both only grow from here. Our future is much brighter and better than we think it is in our darkest moments

Best wishes, Pete

[Sepsur]

I wonder if I’ll ever escape health issues. Even when I feel really well, I have the uncanny knack of injuring myself. My body doesn’t appear to have the resilience it has always shown.

I wasn’t sure if you were being colourful describing your joints as dislocating - what I have certainly experienced since critical care is a weakness & plenty of creaking cracking joints. I know that the muscle waste not only weakens us but leaves our skeleton without the necessary muscular support & protection, hence how easily we now injure ourselves.

Have you had your bone density done? Maybe check your mineral & vitamin levels in your blood(?). I know there are exercises that will help improve your bone density, both of the trainers at our weekly exercise sessions would be able to give you sensible & achievable tips.

As @FamilyHistorian mentioned, our yoga sessions & exercise classes improve breathing, chest & throat muscles etc etc - others have found these classes immensely helpful. I can do things now having been floored by a pleural effusion last year.

As the winter approaches, we all are concerned about our mental wellbeing - we, as a group, are determined to enjoy & not endure this winter. You’re always welcome to join us as frequently or infrequently as you want.