Short Stay

[Keepgoing27]

Hi everyone, reading your posts and advice etc has been really helpful mentally after I had a short stay in ICU/HDU last yr - thank you!

I only had a short stay in icu and then hdu (6 days altogether) and was only ventilated for the 1st day whilst having dialysis. At the time I thought I was quite ‘with it’ but looking back I’m confused about a lot and am not sure if everything I thought/said etc was real.

I was admitted following an attempt to end my life when my mental health became totally overwhelming. I found it hard to ask the drs/my family about anything when I was in hospital because I feel that I don’t deserve to know what happened or the severity etc as It was my own fault and so I already felt like I was taking up their time and that I didn’t deserve their help.

It’s just left me a bit confused + just wondered if anyone had any advice/suggestions to keep moving forward

[Stayloose]

I am sorry to hear that you felt so low last year and hope you have had/are having support moving forward. You are completely justified in asking what happened. Our brains struggle to make sense of gaps in recall. If you had been in ICU following an op for ie obesity you wouldn't say you waived the need to know what happened because you had over eaten for a period of time. Be kind to yourself. Ask rels/friends who were there or see if there is a follow up Nurse you can speak to. I wish you all the best moving forward.

[Keepgoing27 in reply to Stayloose]

Thank you for taking the time to reply, it really helps to read through it - I think I’ll try and talk to my parents a bit more, I just don’t want to cause them even more stress.

Thanks again!

[Stayloose in reply to Keepgoing27]

As a Mum I can say I am more worried if my 'children are concerned but don't talk about it. Obviously it will have been a stressful time for your parents too so it might be difficult for them to talk about,or might not. Only you can decide whether to try. Take care of yourself.

[Copse77]

You have experienced a trauma and the advice given of be kind to yourself is right. You may want to know more and understand your ICU experience. There is lots of helpful information available for former patients and relatives at Reading ICU website if you google it. Take care and look after yourself.

[Keepgoing27 in reply to Copse77]

Thanks for replying and I’ve just googled the website you suggested and it looks incredibly helpful - thanks so much for letting me know about it!

[Sepsur]

This is a great guide to give you an understanding of what you & your family went through ( even if it was fairly condensed) - I’ve spoken/ written to many people deeply traumatised by a ‘short’ stay in ICU. icusteps.org/assets/files/I...

You have joined an elite group of patients who have outlived a near death experience - I know I have questioned why I survived - & have endeavoured to make the most of my second chance - no matter what hurdles there are.

As a parent, I too would prefer my child to talk because I always know when they are being furtive.

Come back and ask more questions -

[Keepgoing27 in reply to Sepsur]

Thank you that link was really helpful to read through

I think I feel a bit like I wasn’t ‘Ill enough’ to justify being affected by it and I’m not even sure it would make me feel any different but because I feel bad about it all and hard to ask, I’m not sure I’ll ever really find out what happened 😞

[Sepsur in reply to Keepgoing27]

I found some of my family wanted to talk, others not.

[Flossieb]

hi Stayloose ,please please talk to someone if you feel like this again in the future ,even if it’s to us on here ,everyone will keep the chat going I’m sure .

Some things that happened whilst I was in the coma and I still believe they were real not matter what is said to me as it seems so real even though I’m aware the drugs were partially responsible and my illness but some were great hallucinations and quite funny but also scary so your not on your own .So sorry that you weren’t in such a lost state of mind to attempt what you went through ...take care one day at a time baby steps that’s how I’m looking at it and do not feel guilty ♥️

[Keepgoing27 in reply to Flossieb]

Thank you for taking the time to reply 💕 Yes it all feels very real - and I guess some of the things that are less extreme or more ‘possible’ are even harder to determine if it was real or not. I thought the doctors thought I was wasting their time and that I didn’t deserve treatment, and they didn’t want to treat me and thought I was horrible for trying to die etc etc and tbh I still feel that they might have felt like that - I seem to remember trying to tell one of the nurses that I could hear everything the drs were saying and I didn’t want to see a particular doctor etc - which I really hope she never passed on because I feel awful about it now and he was actually quite nice when I was moved to hdu?!

[Flossieb]

You did not waste anyone’s time they are doctors and nurses for a reason caregivers who want to help as I said before don’t feel undeserving or guilty just keep on going my lovely x

[Keepgoing27 in reply to Flossieb]

Thank u for your support X