huge setback 😔

[mylko]

so i have my ENT appointment, to look at my vocal chords, on Tuesday. i’ve been feeling really happy and confident in my voice and how it is recovering, so i was hoping for discharge from that department (those who heard me on the ICU zoom meeting know how much better it is)....until yesterday.

i was with my friends, on my first overnight stay away from my parents & hospital since i overdosed in march, and we were meant to be going to a theme park tomorrow. anyway, i had some light drink, gin to be precise, and i ended up choking and coughing really badly to the point of bringing up stomach bile. i then couldn’t control my cough for an hour so i decided it would be best if i slept at home for the night and see how i felt about the theme park the following morning.

i got home at 5am, then at 6:30am i was woken suddenly to violently being uncontrollably sick, not being able to catch my breath between being sick, and choking on what was coming up. i hadn’t drunk anywhere near enough to cause that reaction, but it didn’t stop for 10 minutes. eventually, i was moved downstairs to sleep on the sofa whilst the bed was cleaned and aired, and i managed to sleep until 2:30pm...only to wake up and discover my voice has 90% gone. i can feel the damage to my throat, and my voice is practically non existent again. the bile from my tummy has reversed all the healing it did from the trachea, and now i feel completely helpless and disheartened. i know they’ll be worried on tuesday as i sound exactly like i did, if not worse, at my last review in mid-May.

i’m sorry to be so negative, i just feel so upset with this step back.

[Rhyl1 Partner Moderator ICUsteps]

Remember that this is a temporary set back. It’s an acute reaction to what happened and will settle down again. Perhaps wait a while longer before trying alcohol again as it irritates the lining of the gullet which wouldn’t help at the moment.

[PeterJu]

Sounds really upsetting. Something like our voice is such a major part of us and how we interact with others. I know voice issues were emotionally difficult for me coming out of hospital.

Please try and not feel too disheartened. All of us will experience what we perceive as setbacks. I am trying very hard personally not to overstate them in my mind or think they mean something like I am not recovering or never will. Most times I can manage this and fairly often I cannot. What I do know is usually the emotional hit of feeling like I am going backwards is many times worse than the physical issue.

You are young, bright and have been on a good track. Try and keep positive! Here is what I do. Hope it helps you.

When you get a thought in your head View it as an invitation to go on a negative , downward spiral.

then actively choose to decline that invitation whilst accepting that today you are not 100%.

Tell yourself I am not 100% today and leave it there. Go do something else that is positive.

Hope some of this helps. Best wishes, Pete x

[FamilyHistorian]

Now Autumn lets get this into perspective. If you over do something physically you know very quickly and whilst you may be in some discomfort you take it easy and get back to where you were even if you are step behind and next time you take it take it slightly slower.

The voice is the same the muscles are still recovering and the only warning may be a slight cough you found out that you are not ready for a drink - lesson learned - the hard way. Ok the consequences have been more serious and we all look forward to being discharged. Go into ent with a positive attitude, as they say take it on the chin and move forward.

I was desperate for a sign off from SaLT after 5 1/2 months but I still have to be careful BUT I have had my first glass of white wine and red and a whisky but not at the same time 😂

Physically I have to be very careful exercising my shoulder because I know if I snap a tendon it won’t be repaired.

Looking forward to seeing you on zoom for your smile you don’t have to talk.

[Sepsur]

@mylko

It’s really hard to be the ‘odd man out’ when the rest of the world is returning to normal & you don’t want to feel like you are missing out. I had to give my body a chance to recover after ICU.

This is a temporary set back. Try and be kind to yourself.

[FamilyHistorian]

How did your appointment go?

[mylko in reply to FamilyHistorian]

i was just about to do an update on my appointment today! xxx