Hi everyone. I'm in a bind and can use some guidance. My ex-fiancé (who is an induced coma now for a month) and I were together for 6 yrs. He is in an induced coma in FLA and I moved to MA. The day he was induced we had talked over the phone and their have been lies but we have been talking about possibly reconciling our relationship. The Hospital Induced the coma that night and I have not been able to see him because his father refuses to let me. The father and I never really got along, as I felt he was too controlling of my ex-fiancé and trying to control our relationship. At any rate, I want to go to FLA to see my ex, as I feel it would help him being in this coma by hearing my voice or/and feeling my touch from holding his hand. It angers me to no end and is sooo frustrating that his father has done this considering his sons circumstances. I have spoke to 2 attorneys and they say because we weren't married that there is nothing I can do to see him. How is this possible? I spent 6 years with this man and I know it would be good for me and him if he knew no matter what I still was by his side. I am worried, can't stop thinking of the what if's and I sure can't sleep becuz of all this. Any advice on how I can get my time to see him, regardless of what the fathers wants? Thank u all in advance.

14 Replies

  • Unfortunately you have no legal rights so unless your ex’s father agrees, you won’t be able to see him. I hope your ex gets better soon.

  • well said Tessa. though it's probably not what beach life would like to hear, unfortunately. I'm not a legal person, but I think this is one of those situations where blood relatives (ie the father) and spouses (actually married people) take precedence over partners and friends. Made more complicated of course by the fact that the patient is not able to express a view himself.

  • No Muncii, that's not what I want to hear as we were suppose to have gotten married this year. My hands are tied I guess until he wakes and asks for me. Thank you.

  • I’m sorry. It does seem so unfair, after all you were together for 6 years. I hope your ex wakes up soon.

  • Me too. Thank you

  • It must be a very anxious situation for you, especially as he is so ill. I hope he wakes up soon and is able to express the wish to see you asap. BTW, the tracheotomy is a standard procedure and is usually in situ for a short time, so he will be able to talk again, before too long.

    Best wishes

  • Thank you Muncii. It is one of the hardest periods in my life. To me, it's evil, selfish and inhuman to do this to someone not matter what. I just want him awake to see him becuz god forbid things went to the worst, I would never be able to forgive myself for not seeing him but I would hold his father responsible for the rest of his life. Sorry if I sound angry, but I am. God is good and forgiving, so I pray every night with tears running down my face for him to get a second chance at his best life. 🙏

  • Thank you Tessauk. It's just a sad sad time for me.

  • Is there anyway your ex’s father will change his mind and let you visit? After all it may well bring comfort to his son.

  • I don't think so. We have never got along. He is using this to get back at me, which is to the extreme cold becuz he does not know the conversations his son and I have been having. My heart breaks to pieces when I read his text messages and look at photos of us. I feel so powerless. I know having me there would definitely help a big way. Friends of my ex and I have gone to see my ex in the hospital becuz I asked them to and they didn't know he was in a coma. They keep informed and I am hoping when my ex wakes, that they will be able to ask him if he wants to see me, so like that they can tell the doctors and I can be put on the visitors list with his permission to over ride his fathers. I don't know if he will even be able to talk as our friends said he is going to have a tracheotomy too. But I hope even with sign language or if he can write it down than that will change things. I just want him to wake up. I pray every night and cry ever night to a situation making me feel so helpless.

  • Hi beach life so sorry to hear what you are going through. Have you thought of making a message on a tape or cd and asking one of your friends to play it to him. My partner was in a coma for 6 weeks and could hear my voice.Best wishes.

  • Madddie, thank you, that's a great idea. Had not thought of that. I was planning once he woke up, that my friends and I could FaceTime on our phones from the hospital so he could hear me and see me. I will try your idea as well. Thank u so much again.

  • Great idea @Maddie - terrible situation for everyone. My coma healed a 16 & 30 yr rift (slightly). Stranger things happen. Is there an intermediary that can put your case to his father? A sibling? Uncle? Cousin?

  • Hi Sepsur, thank u for ur thoughts but as of right now, no I have no one other than my ex's and l's mutual friends, which have been keeping an eye out for him for me. His life has not been an easy one becuz of his poor choices and his family always caters to his every whim, which keeps him from being a responsible adult until I came into the picture, so I became the b$&ch becuz I wouldn't allow them to control us and our relationship like they loved to make him feel guilty and I would not allow it. I have always been the strong one and the one to make things happen, where he always avoided confrontation which was the big issue with his side of the family till now becuz they didn't get to walk all over ME like they did to him and this is why his side of the family and I don't get along. So as far as help from his father goes, that will not be likely unless my ex ( his son) is able to ask to see me for himself. I just figured legally I could fight this since I was with him for 6 yrs to be married this year until we split. Tough tough on me.

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