Healing Post Induced Coma

[artjunkie]

I was in a medically induced coma with deliriums 2 months ago due to seizures and difficulty breathing post seizure. I am now having difficulty managing what was real and what wasn't. It seems like a bad dream that doesn't leave. The memories of things that weren't real are now plaquing me while I have no memory of any of the real things that happened. I am going for counselling to try and get through these memories in a month, I am both looking forward to it and feeling terrified to go through these horrible memories. All of my memories of my deliriums are horrifically negative. Im here seeking support for this from people who understand.

Shannon

[Sepsur]

Good luck with your sessions - the dreams were pretty vivid and grim.

[artjunkie in reply to Sepsur]

yes they are awful and seem completely real. At least now I know they weren't but they aren't going away as fast as Id like them too. :}

[Sepsur in reply to artjunkie]

Have you got any ICUsteps meeting near you?

[artjunkie in reply to Sepsur]

not sure Im in Ottawa Canada

[Sepsur in reply to artjunkie]

icusteps.org/home/internati...

[Sepsur in reply to artjunkie]

canadiancriticalcare.org/Pa...

[artjunkie in reply to Sepsur]

thanks so much

[jojokarak]

They take time to ease off but it will become easier to live with and you will decipher real from dreams. It's good your seeing someone soon though it does help to talk x

[artjunkie in reply to jojokarak]

thanks so much. yes it is getting slowly better. Physically I'm better that I was pre hospitalization. Psychologically its taking more time.

[jojokarak in reply to artjunkie]

Mentally always takes longer as no one who has experienced them dreams could understand so when you talk to them they look at you like you got a screw loose lol 😁

[artjunkie in reply to jojokarak]

Yeah or they laugh as they tell you how crazy you were while to you it was not a laughing matter.

[jojokarak in reply to artjunkie]

It isn't for you at the moment but when you can laugh at them and you will in time you know your healing x

[Mijmijkey74 in reply to jojokarak]

I can't even describe my coma dreams as they were so weird, confusing, detailed, fast paced lots of switching from place to place, event to event, yet all so real yet still a tiny small part of my own being knew something wasn't right. At some points it was like I was in my own dreams watching myself doing the things I was doing in my dreams. Watching it all unfold but still being me moving about in my ever changing dreams playing them out, yet at the same time watching from above inside my mind. Like there was the dreams me doing all the acting out of ever changing dreams, then watching me hovering above dream me in my mind, then then the conscience of me, that we all are aware of in our minds that talks to us, the our own eyes looking in our own minds me that was on some level still aware all that was playing out in my mind and my mind's eyes were floating with my own made up in my mind body watching over dream me playing out the dreams all inside my mind. Then the 4th body of me "my real body" was the body lying in the bed unaware intubated fighting for its life. I watched with my mind's eyes all taking place inside my mind/brain myself layed out straight and flat being held up by transparent beings who were all bathed in white transparent light as was I as they formed in my mind's watching eye a protective chain of held hands around me. There was a huge shape/mass just out of sight. I was aware and knew they were aware if they broke their protective chain of held hands around me keeping me levitated flat off this white light bed, that shape would move fast and get me, it wanted me, but they wouldn't let it have me. It wasn't a violent or aggressive shape, it was just death, and it wasn't my time to go. I could hear them saying don't break the chain, don't let go, and they had to stay until the risk was over. I'm guessing the risk was one of the two times I was thought about to die, but oddly surrounded by those protective arms, hands and beings I felt so much love and peace and knew I was protected. I was at peace completely.

[comadreams]

A year ago I was in an induced coma for five weeks, the 'dreams' were incredible, (I've described a couple of them here). A year on I still remember all of them quite clearly but I've come to think of them as VR movies, only partially drawing on my actual real life memories. We can all remember certain movies we've seen that made a strong impression. The drugs used to induce a medical coma are powerfully psychoactive, how they create the hallucinations, often negative and frightening, seemingly from nowhere in your life experience, reported by survivors, is still unknown, even by doctors and scientists.

In the sixties the advocates of psychedelic drugs would have dismissed them as a 'bad trip'. Bad trips are not easy to forget but they do fade in time. Your experiences are not you, they are termed hallucinations and that's all they are. Think of them as the worst movie you ever saw, not you, not real but a movie playing in your mind that can be forgotten. Realizing that is the first step towards escape. Meditation helps. Good luck and Best Wishes. David.

[Mijmijkey74 in reply to comadreams]

Guess I got lucky, my coma dreams were weird but I felt nothing but complete love, peace, care and protection. A profound love and peace I actually mourn for now as I was so very very at peace. That unyeilding love came from elsewhere that made me know how truly loved by them protecting me I was, I felt it from them so strongly it makes me want to go back as my real life is devoid of love like that. Devoid of love, devoid now of care. Actually questioning why I did survive as it's mental torture. Maybe that was the aim all along to show me what I could of had for eternity with them had my essence out of my control fought to survive. As I wasn't aware I was dying, but the essence of me was, and was fighting to survive. My feeling is survival is not to be thankful for as so many make out, but an actual living hell torturing me with cold thoughtless insensitive people who make it clear to me they don't care I'm alive and actually wanted me dead more because I'm not what they want. I have my own thoughts and opinions and I'm hated by my family for not just being like them and agreeing with everything never questioning anything in life. They hate that I won't fall for bullshit and excuses and brush things under the rug. My family are flaky and phoney full of pretense, full of fake love and care. It's all phoney.

[artjunkie]

thank you so much david. so good to know i am not alone. :} Shannon