Losing it...

[Bassndeer]

My husband is in the icu. 6 days ward, now two icu. He was put on a respirator yesterday. I am struggling with visits. You hear stories of people staying with their loved ones round the clock. I cannot. My heart wants to, but I can't handle it. It doesn't help when the nurse says that family visits can wake the patient and they want him to rest. He does come around a bit when I and/or my daughter are there. I don't want to hinder his healing. I don't know if he'll heal. He's been such a big strong guy. We've been married 28 years. It is so hard to see this. Any thoughts?

[muncii]

Dear Bassndeer - don't beat yourself up regarding not staying 'round the clock'.

People have to do what's right for them, and if you need 'time off' that's OK. It doesn't mean you don't care enough.

If you have read some of the stories here, you can see that people have indeed recovered, from being extremely ill and very near death. But time and patience are important. It's very hard for loved ones: have hope and stay positive.

best wishes

[BBDEBS]

Please allow friends and family to visit. This will give you time off for when your husband awakes and really, really needs you!! I had no idea I had a parade of friends and family visit me, I guess some were saying goodbye? But I do remember my mum saying she'd give anything to swap places with me, apparently she repeated it over and over again when I was in my coma.

Friends read to me, my brother in law wrote me a story, my friend's mother massaged my hands and feet with lovely smelling cream, none of which I remember but it helped them to know I was comforted.

My parents were banned from the hospital one day as they were running themselves ragged. My mum then used that time to clean my kitchen top to bottom rather than rest. When I awoke my family had aged 10 years (I was out for 2 weeks not 10 years thank god but it felt like decades in my nightmares).

Please don't feel bad, you need your strength too. Let others visit when they can.

All my love

Debs xx

[Ruth2610]

Don't beat yourself up over this! I was in a coma last year for 4 days and my family visited me in turns. They talked to me, gave feet and hands a massage, sprayed my favourite perfume and sometimes just sat quietly with me. I was unaware of this but the first thing I wanted to see when I woke up was my family! They looked exhausted and upset. I immediately sent them home to sleep! You will need all your strength when he gets home. Try to get family and friends to share the load.

Thinking of you

R xxx

[angelrock]

Hello there,

You can only do what is right for you, you can't change only be flexible too. Ik now this as my mum came to visit me in hospital. I didn't she would as she has some personal reasons for not coming but I am so glad she did in the end. Be kind and compassionate to yourself.

[Me1953]

Hubby was on icu in induced coma with copd for a week visiting was afternoon and evening I used to go in afternoon other family members went in evening then phone me later I knew he was being well cared for and not struggling to breath it's exhausting for family being at hospital long hours not sleeping or eating properly accept all the help you can and don't beat yourself up you need your strength for when he is on the long road to recovery I found this site when my hubby went on icu it gave me hope when I had none he is home now but doesn't remember any time on icu keep strong and take a day at a time

[Trixter01]

He needs to know his family is there and love him, no matter what happened you need to let him know you love him. I understand about staying there and he does too. But your visits he will remember just not timelines. I know how hard it is as I just went through a tragic situation, I spent many hours in iCU. I loved his so much and like you wanted to stay as much as I could, my body couldn't handle it. He responded several times, but his body weakens and he passed away.

Please don't give up on you love, he knows you are there and the nurses should be supporting you visits. Give him kisses and talk to him, tell him about what's going on. What the weather is like. I believe he hears and feels everything

God bless you and I feel he will be good soon.

[Bassndeer]

Thank you all so much for the replies! I know I haven't responded, but what a crazy time it's been. Your words were comforting. My husband is now home after 2 weeks on the respirator and a surprisingly few days on the ward. Medically he cleared up quickly, physical limitations are the new challenge. Loss of ability to walk, stand etc. Very weak, but I do see improvement. He is most distress about his ability to taste, and how odd things taste. I can only hope this too resolves!!

[BBDEBS]

Taste will improve I promise!!!! I hated coffee when I was in hospital and when I came out, everything tomato based was bitter as hell and I hated so much of my favourite foods. It will return to normal, just keep trying old favourites every week or so and cook him anything and everything he wants. I went on a pancake lemon and sugar binge and loved it!! Xx

[Mrs_Cooper]

I was in exactly your position last year, but had a 11 year old to look after , so staying was out of the question. But I needed that break, I needed to get my head straight and at the end of the day it wouldn't have helped my husband if I got ill out of worry... I did lose 2 stone in 2 months though! But you need your sleep, you need a break, he would want that too.

Much love

Cx