If you are stressed will this make pneumonia worse if you have it?

[markmason095]

My father has died from pneumonia and septisis shock however before he was put in ICU he was in a normal ward and i talk to him on a friday evening and he was doing fine but i did not see him on the Saturday as my girlfriend wouldnt let me leave her, long story. When Sunday came my mum called saying he called her asking why i didnt come to see him, i did see him on the Sunday evening but he looked quite stressed as he having some argument with a nurse. On Monday he was quite good but on wednesday they put him in ICU. Im feeling very guilty that i did not see him on the Saturday as i wonder did i add to his death?

[VickyC1982]

Firstly let me say how sorry I am that your Dad passed away. Secondly, illness like sepsis is a physical process and you had absolutely nothing to do with making his illness worse. Sometimes there’s nothing that can be done and your body just can’t cope with the onslaught of the illness. X

[markmason095 in reply to VickyC1982]

Thanks VickyC1982

I just feel SO guilty not being there on the saturday as he was doing well on the Friday evening, im just wondering if all the stress of me not being there made his pneumonia worse? im not sure when he got sepsis but i think it maybe a few days after as he was still able to call my mum on his phone. The hospital neve told me how ill he was as they said he just had a chest infection! So only went to see him in the evening after work, if i knew how bad he was i would never have gone to work!

[VickyC1982 in reply to markmason095]

Sounds like you didn’t have the best experience with your Dad in the ICU. I know with me and my family, they were able to call up whenever and they would always be honest with regard to my condition. I only had my husband, parents, bro, Sis and one friend (who represented all my mates) visit me as it wasn’t 100% whether I had flu etc. Sounds like with your family and Dad there was a communication problem from the hospital. It definitely wasn’t your fault though. Have you contacted PALS with regard to your experience? X

[markmason095 in reply to VickyC1982]

Yes i have made a official complaint against the hospital as he was in a normal ward for 9 days before going into ICU, i thought he would be home for Christmas! Still i find it very hard living with myself for not seeing my dad on that saturday, i mean he was 82 years old, i cant believe i let my gf talk me into staying with her, i feel such a weak man!

[VickyC1982 in reply to markmason095]

You weren’t to know what was just around the corner, it isn’t your fault that you didn’t go and you changed nothing about your Dad’s outcome by not visiting at that particular time.

I was taken from A&E resus to ITU on 15/12 where I was intubated and ventilated until 25/12. I actually discharged myself against medical advice once I was out of ITU and on a normal ward. I was going mad through lack of sleep, I couldn’t eat the hospital food, I was sick of people screaming in the night and I was terrified I would catch something else from the other patients. I got bombarded by 3 doctors who told me I was doing the wrong the thing, I might die, I might fall over and started making accusations regarding my ability to care for my children! Luckily I have enough medical knowledge that I could rebuff their concerns and also I’m not frightened of telling people to piss of when they are wrong!

I hope that you get a decent response to your complaint. My advice is don’t be fobbed off or let them overwhelm you with medical jargon xx

[markmason095 in reply to VickyC1982]

Thanks Vicky, The pain hurt so much and even though he was 82 years old he was still pretty strong and i thought he still had a good few years in him. As you have medical knowledge may ask do you think he had sepsis when he came into hospital, on the 11/12/19 he fell once in the afternoon and he then fell later that same evening about 11pm and could'nt pick him up and he was saying things that didnt make sense so i called the ambulance and it took them two hours to come to the house! They seem shocked at his reading but they took him to ICU instead just a normal ward, infact he was put in two different wards. The doctor called me around 7am saying he has a chest infection and does he have memory problems, i said no he had no real memory problems. That was all on the 11th but they didnt put him into ICU until the 19th! Which now looking back was way to late.

I'm so pleased you recovered and did what you thought was right, god knows what would have happen to you even you did'nt have medical knowledge!

[VickyC1982 in reply to markmason095]

I’m really not sure about the sepsis. Sounds like he had a pretty bad infection and was unusually confused which would suggest worsening infection. I think I was lucky I was so young and I became very sick, very quickly. The younger you are, the longer you can compensate for which is why kids suddenly become critically ill. With older people, I think there’s a bit of an assumption that confusion is normal so if they start acting strangely as a result of sepsis, it may not be recognised as quickly as it would be in someone like me. He should have had quite a few bloods done and you’ll be able to see via his white cell count and other indicators whether he did in fact have sepsis x

[markmason095 in reply to VickyC1982]

Thank you so much for your advice Vicky, it really means a lot to me. I did tell them he did not have alzheimer or dementia but i dont know if they believe me, also they had all his medica notes from the past and we also gave them his blister pack as well. I still think they should have put him in ICU stright away instead of waiting for 9 days! I'm sure if they did the same to you, you may not be here now. Thanks again Vicky

[Dabofoppo]

I'm sorry to hear of your fathers passing being the age he was will have contributed massively to his death. Nothing you could have done would have stopped this happening it's great that you got to see him before he passed dont beat yourself up over what might have been you cant change what has happened just learn from it for the future.

I dont want to assume anything but looking at your posting history it looks like you might be struggling a bit with your fathers passing you could maybe look at councilling if your UK based some employers and charities offer it for little or no charge.

[markmason095 in reply to Dabofoppo]

Thanks Dabofoppo and i know what you mean but i know i did wrong although i know if i did go it would not have saved him . Strugging that's a understatment and all the councilling in the world is never im afraid going to repair this broken heart. Hopefully my time will come soon until then i will try to get through every day that i can.

[Grant_za in reply to markmason095]

Dont beat yourself up on not being there.

I stayed with my mother in the E.R. room for 2.5hrs.

In the very short 10 minutes remaining of her life, I left her & she passed away.

Had I any idea she had 10 minutes left, I would never left her side.

I have the same guilt.

Had either of us had known how little time was really left, we would never have left their side.

But we dont know - & we didn't know.

We all use hindsight as a tool in thinking what we should have or may have done.

Everybody at some point after an event always thinks "if only had i have known . . ."

However, we can only make decisions based upon information available to us at the time.

Dont beat yourself up because you are not psychic. Like me, you had no possible way of predicting the future - we cannot blame ourselves for that.

[markmason095 in reply to Grant_za]

Oh hi Grant_za! Nice to hear from you again and i know you are right, thank you for your advice as aways. Hope you are well X