I'm so scared it'll happen again...

[justagirl]

Twice last year I ended up in ICU, only for a week or so at a time but that was enough! The first time my kidneys had completely failed unexpectedly and I'd contracted pneumonia (last March / April) then two days before Christmas 2012 my blood pressure soared (the bottom number was 210!) and caused me to have four really bad seizures. I'm 17 and until just over a year ago I was a completely normal teenager. I'm so frightened something like this will happen again, I don't remember what happened either time and the fact it was over Christmas just feels like the final straw, silly as that sounds.

Does anyone else feel like this, how can I be braver?

[garrymeister]

Be grateful that you can’t remember. Fitting of the venous central line to allow dialysis is a particular unpleasant procedure which you need to be conscious to do.

I suggest that you speak to your doctor about your fears. Ask if you can have a tour of the ICU when you are well. It helped me to understand what happened to me and what some of my unusual memories were. At seventeen your body’s ability to heal will be at its best. Without knowing what is wrong with you I suspect that you are getting better and your chances of going back are reducing every day. Once the doctors are aware what is wrong they can usually manage your condition so that you don’t have to return to the ICU. But the best person to speak to about this is your doctors. Ask them to keep you informed of what is going on. Be brave, having survived the ICU twice makes you a very courageous person that has overcome trails that most people will never experience. We are all afraid we may have to go back again one day but most of us don’t. Welcome to the club.

Garry

[justagirl in reply to garrymeister]

As I was only in ICU for a short time and the normal ward for about 3 months, I can remember having my lines put in (and I had one done since, when I got an infrection in the previous one) but I agree - it is a horrid procedure! I think the reason I'm so worried is the second time I had just been going back t the hospital for dialysis then out of nowhere I was back. Thankyou for the welcome and the advice

Fiona

[OrmesbyPaul]

I agree with Gary. I don't think it is a matter of being braver just a matter of sorting out in your own mind what happened. As Gary suggested try visiting ICU I did and it was a help.

Keep remembering how lucky you are after TWO episodes in ICU when most people don't ever go there at all. Also don't be afraid to talk about your experiences with someone you can trust to listen. (Here if that's what you want) Talking about it may help.

Good luck, your a great example of a brrave young man.

[justagirl in reply to OrmesbyPaul]

Thanks! I will try visiting ICU, I took them some chocolates after I originally got out but haven't been back since. I'll try and talk to somebody

[OrmesbyPaul]

Sorry I meant Lady of course. Good luck and post again if you want to talk more