Partner doesnt seem bothered

As most of you know I recently lost a baby at 8 weeks pregnant. Im really messed up by the whole thing as this was miscarriage number 6. I feel so alone my partnee wont talk to me and acts most of the time like he dont even care im upset or need him. Just wanted some views really. I feel like ive got no one to talk to and its really playing games with my head

11 Replies

  • Hi there, sorry you are having such a rough time, when people are grieving it affects people differently, he may be locked into his own way of coping. Please tell your GP or anybody you trust how you are feeling, as you would benefit from some joint bereavement counselling. You have been through a lot with this six times over and need some urgent support. Please let us know if we can help any further, and you are not alone.

    I hope this link may help. MaryF x

  • I am really so sorry that you are finding it so hard to cope but feel that having had so many loss's now its hardly surprising that you both are feeling this way. People grieve it different ways and its important that you both learn to understand and respect each other but at the same time be there to support one another as much as you can. This can mean getting professional help to guide you through the process. I have attached a link to a Charity who deals with this and who will be able to understand what you are going through and offer support.

    I also know that this charity will also offer you bereavement counselling too if you contact them as I trained to be one of their counsellors many years ago.

  • Sarahlou I'm so sorry you are on this horrible journey and that you feel so alone. Please seek support, perhaps from the sources already offered and you can PM me if you like ... I have had several losses too.

    As Mary and APSnotfab have mentioned you may find counselling both separately and together helps.

  • Hi Sarah,

    I can't offer you advice that is any better than you have been given already, but of course you feel messed up and lonely. It's natural and normal that you will be grieving not only for this baby but for all your babies.

    I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you, as are many people on this site and, I'm sure your family. I think probably your husband doesn't know how to cope himself. Perhaps counselling could be offered to you both?

    Annie xxx

  • Yes I am sure there are many people on this site thinking of you now!

    I do. Kerstin in Stockholm

  • Please go for counselling.

    We all behave so differently with loss. Some people do just close down and shut off.

    We have had just (just?? but it's less than you but God they hurt) two lost babes - each at 17 weeks. The first time we pulled together and talked. The second time round - yes we were still together but no we didn't talk.

    I think men just don't vocalise as much as we do and then they are scared of hurting you by talking of their hurt. So they end up treading on egg shells, pussy footing around us, and avoiding the issue at all costs. Well that was how it was for us. To go through this six times is just awful.

    I have mentioned this to my husband to get his point of view and he says this is how men cope with their hurt by keep trying to put it out of their minds. I guess, it then looks like they don't care but really they do. Just a thought.

    You need to talk all this through with a trained counsellor.

    Keep coming here though :)


  • Sarahlou just wanted to post and say how very sorry I am and I am thinking of you. My husband has always tried to stay strong for me which in the beginning did come across as unfeeling or not bothered when in fact the opposite was true. Also men don't get the same attachment as us women which is again hard for us to understand and he certainly just wanted to end/take away my pain but just didn't know how. I went to counseling and found it a little useful. I found planning and being proactive more useful but again we are all very different. Sending you lots of love xx

  • Thankyou all so much for your support a good friend of mine sat with us and we got everything out in the open. Im going to see my gp to get a referal to talk to someone. I am so grateful for all of you and this group :) x

  • Well done Sarah Lou - you are strong and brave and you will be ok. Much love.


  • So pleased you are getting some help. Try writing all your feelings down in a private journal. This can be very cathartic to help relieve the pain you are feeling plus counselling. To grieve is a natural process and you are allowed to grieve, and everyone copes differently. My thoughts are with you and your husband. Hope it all goes well when you are referred. Bernie x

  • Just remember guys deal with things differently. When I was diagnosed during my 37th week of pregnancy my husband was in denial. He refused to believe anything was wrong with me. Everyone deals with things differently. Maybe write him a letter telling him how you feel.

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