Positive thoughts & HIV positive since 1985

[Jim1962]

Do not remember life without HIV. I used to think life before being positive and life with HIV. Now it life before the medication & life with medication. Never understood bigotry or segregation until I started the meds. Now I live it everyday, I sit alone on a crowded bus, outside my neighborhood I get stared at often, get called a HIV mother F word and your going to die by my neighbors and to top it off I used to get harassed weekly by LAPD because of the neighborhood I live in and the fact I am very thin, they think I am a crack head or something like that. Even my partner of twenty six years pushed me away long time ago when my weight was going away. Do not blame him I do look like a walking skeleton. In 1996 around Christmas time getting cards together going over our phone book and realized that in six years we lost thirty friends, exes. and co-workers. Now it's just him and I. His mental state is going downhill and I am afraid it's the onset of dementia and don't know what to do. But living the way we are is not healthy, spending so much money on medical marijuana because of his pain level.

I myself am suffering from a condition called Cluster suicide Headaches, I am chronic since 2013, before just had attacks every three years.

I am 53 years old and this is not what I pictured for my life. HIV has taken my dreams, my hopes, my job (disabled) and my health, leaving me a very skinny lonely person.