Coping with hiv

I was diagnosed 2 half years ago found out on my mums birthday 3 weeks after she passed away suddenly, thought my life had ended.. and was in complete turmoil for months. Crying all of a sudden in street at work at home and thought about suicide, what stopped me was a friend committed suicide a year before and I saw the devastation it left to his partner family and friends, and I couldn't put people thro that. It made me stronger and determined to make the most of what I have. I've been on meds for year now after getting shingles and pneumonia. Have yet to meet a partner, but have some good friends and couple of family members that know. I do get down sometimes but am thankful for things, have booked couple of holidays, this thing is not going to rule my life. Clinic staff have been great, on the few times I see them due for 6 monthly check soon. Live life and be grateful. M

10 Replies

  • hi dorsetguy1! i've read your post and can genuinely say i went through the same experience! i was diagnosed almost a year ago 25 february. up until now i keep on thinking about it. i can't help it. sometimes i want to cry but i chose not to. i have to distract myself all the time. it took me 6 months to tell someone about my status. so far i think i am in a better place now; i'm doing well with my medications and it has become part of my daily routine.

    how are you doing?

    dvvd x

  • Things much better, just the relationship thing is on hold, scared of meeting someone and having to tell my situation to them. Probably bit scared of the reaction as you never know how people will respond, friends I've told have been great but it's not them who will be having a relationship with.. M

  • ha! completely agree!

  • Hello.

    Don't be scared to have a relationship,

  • Dont worry Mr. I used to cry all the time too. Still have the odd sob when I think about the whole HIV thing again. You will get there matey. We all deal with things differently and we all learn different things alone the way. Its 2 years in june for me and I suppose Im getting used to it now. The whole disclosure thing still batters my head from time to time. Yes theres a law but the law is an ass and not practical and doesnt take into account medication. People judge you and they always will no matter what anybody tells you about being brave and out yaself so to speak. I initially told way to many people thinking I was being decent but I totally regret that now. My advice to anyone newly diagnosed is too keep it to themselves or only disclose to people you 100 percent trust. If I could turn the clock back I wouldnt of told a soul especially now that Im undetetchable and no real risk to anybody. That saying you live and learn is so so true.

    If you feel like crying you have a cry and remember that things will only get better for you.

    Its mad because before I got hiv I used to want love and a soulmate. Now Im enjoying my sexuality freely without anymore fear of hiv and its feels fantastic. Totally liberating. Fulfilled many fantasies and intend to fulfill many many more. Infact I dont think I could ever be in and 1 to 1 relationship ever again Id miss all the different men. Haha I never thought Id ever say that but its true I would. Play together sounds good oneday.

    Random on line sex if they dont ask I dont tell now and its getting easier and easier. In a perfect world it would be great if we followed the laws of the land but we.ll never ever live in a perfect world and its taught me that I have to look out for myself first and foremost because Id say 80percent in our situation if honest do exactly the same. Ie keep stum.

    I used to think guys who slept with others without disclosing where selfish and hazard but then I learnt the hard way and the reality of living with Hiv isnt as black & white as what I thought it was. You have to be selfish to survive the dog eat dog world of the gay community and thats just the way it is.

  • Dito so many things are echo'd in your statement. It will never rule my life. I have a positive outlook on life (no pun intended lol) 1 benefit of all of this, is the fact of waking from my coma 11st lighter. But no one wants to follow my diet plan.

    Be strong and be greatful is my current mantra.

  • I got shingles and pneumonia in my first year too. My consultant thought I had herpes and asked me if I liked collecting viruses! She didn't believe me when I told her I wasn't really in any fit state to be shagging about. The spots were all over my cock balls and arse, rather painful. I did like her expression as she apologised for her mistake during my follow-up - luckily the medicine she gave me treats both.

    I do actually miss her now she's retired - she did keep me in line when it came to taking my meds and helped me to realise I could live a mostly normal life.

  • Some of counsellors and nurses and people seem as tho they think they understand what it's like to be told the devastating news u have hiv, but told them they don't know how it feels unless they have been diagnosed, it's not until you go through it u have any idea of how you will react, I was numb when told and felt dirty, horrid useless and lots of other derogatory words I can't think of. But you have to accept it. M

  • Levels all ok now, undetectable, feel good most of the time, get tired now and again but maybe age thing.

    Would like to meet that special guy hopefully, obviously get to know them first then see how things go. Who knows when he will jump into my life?? 😊 Been single few years now. Until then making the most of life.

  • Hey Dorset, the hardest part of putting yourself out there for dating in my case was just getting the courage to disclose when the time was right, and deciding when that time was. When I was diagnosed in December of 1983, 33 years ago, it was a death sentence and suicide was always on my mind. To avoided those thoughts I admit by using cannabis to keep my emotions level and all these years later I'm still alive. I met my partner in 2000 and told him within five minutes of meeting him about my status because I instantly knew he was worth the risk of any reprucussions. We are still together and both are activist in the community now.

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