How honest should I be?: Hi all, my friend suffered... - Headway


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How honest should I be?


Hi all, my friend suffered a traumatic brain injury Aug 2012 and is in a rehab unit. She is subject to a Deprivation of Liberty order and has poor short term memory, no recollection of pretty much the last 15 years of her life and high levels of anxiety. My friend feels imprisoned where she is (and that's accurate as she does not have the power to leave), wants to leave the unit and get back to work. Apart from the head injury my friend is physically mobile. I don't want to lie or collude with my friend and I believe she is making good progress with the rehab and is in the right place at the moment, but when she says she wants to leave and get back to (her highly skilled and responsible) work I wonder how honest I should be? Does anyone have any experience of this either as the survivor or the friend / family / carer that they feel they could share with me?

10 Replies

Hi, your friend is very lucky to have a friend in you, I am a survivor and no way as serious as your dear friends condition, but my memory loss was of 2 years and i was kept in for only a week after my coma in icu recovery, so all i can offer you is probably all that you have already been doing, ie. photographs, books, things to occupy the mind, but as the body is physically fit do they not offer any areas for things such as yoga, I apologize if this seems obtuse, but I have no experience of this area of recovery and am only offering my support and as an outsider I see any form of an alternative distraction as a positive motivation.

my thoughts always be honest without being cruel, sometimes we need to fall with a safety net in order to see where we are

i have always wished i had one person who was totally honest with me, and like brighton88 said be honest without being cruel,

there are plenty of people saying ohh it will be fine in the end and although not a lie, its certainly not the truth

be there, be honest and most of all dont give up on them

Sorry, I've never heard of a deprivation of liberty order. What is it and who is it issued by ?

Hi Mum (Cat3) you probably won't recall but when you were on the physio ward there was a lady causing mayhem ( obviously she couldn't help it) she did a lot of shouting and made getting in and out of the ward a problem as she waited for visitors to arrive or leave and she tried to escape so they couldn't let anyone in or out until she had been moved. One of the staff told us she was under a deprivation of liberty order, couldn't tell you exactly what it means though x

cat3 in reply to Lubilu01

Well I'm guessing it's something along the lines of a section by a mental health team ?


Thank you for your responses, it is very reassuring to hear your experiences and views. I've managed so far by acknowledging what she wants, and then talking about her rehab programme and the change I have seen over time. I do also tell my friend that I promised her I would not lie to her and that I think she is the right place for now. With regard to the Deprivation of Liberty order I am no expert, but I found this info on the web if you want to know more. I do not get involved in the details of my friend's treatment (that was good advice from Biker Lifestyle!) but I do try to have some understanding of what is happening as I think it helps my friend feel a bit safer. Thanks again for your views.

cat3 in reply to TwoCakes

Thanks for info. Best wishes x

a situation that brings back memories for me as i was your friend in 2008 feeling trapped my thought at being told i would be there for 8 months was crickey you get less for murder in fact i ended up being in hospital for 16 months in hospital rehabilitation unit wnting to get out and home but it was a heart to heart with my fiancee who changed by thinking and made me realise how foolish i was recovery is long and cannot be rushed in any way on the upside and take a positive from this a desire to get bvack to normal is a start a sign that the detetmination to overcome is there and build on it but dont rush where your friend is is safe and i presume receiving all the rehab sessions needed


be honest with your freind

to deprive someone of there liberty is a serious thing

it is to stop them having a will to be them selves as after tbi sah you are not yourself

you may do harm to your self or others

the doctors know what is what

your friend will be let out when she can show stability

of mind and body and a concept of welfare for her self

good luck with this time and pashence show all

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