Feeling down after being snubbed for the second time...

I'm a feeling down today. My driving instructor has cancelled my lessons at the last moment for the second time in a row and told me it'd be understandable if I wanted to find another instructor, claiming he now has health issues. I'd arranged lessons with him for the next couple of weeks and now he's done a u-turn on me. I feel really let down, I had one lesson with him and thought he was great but this has completely caught me by suprise and affected my confidence. I thought I was making positive steps towards independence but now I feel helpless. I sometimes wonder if he's worried I might crash his car because of the way I speak or something and he's now cutting me off. I've already past my theory test first time, but if people don't have confidence in you, what can you do? I might sound a little paranoid, but I've been disappointed countless times and you start to wonder.

[bikerlifestyle]

i know a couple of people who have had this happen with driving instructors (and these are able bodied 'Normal' people) so i wouldn't take it personally its usually its because they have picked up a more lucrative customer that fits in better with their schedule

it seems to be common practice unfortunately

[Hidden in reply to bikerlifestyle]

It wouldn't have gotten me down were it not for having planned and agreed (I thought) to lessons and then him dropping an message at the last moment to cancel twice. I doubt that it's a question of money, I'm a beginner and you can't get more lucrative than that and he agreed to everything without complaints. I just sincerley hope it had nothing to do with my personality and he's not cutting off a seemingly riskier customer for insurance fears, but unfortunately there's nothing regulating these private people and they can do what they want.

[bikerlifestyle in reply to Hidden]

well i do hope that he is not doing it because of you too.

and hope you find an instructor that is ok

[cat3]

Anthony, I don't think you should take it personally......like biker, I've heard various stories from able bodied people about unreliable & unprofessional instructors. Are the AA much more expensive these days?......it's worth checking because a reputable organisation would be less likely to mess you about. I wouldn't think there would be any concern about crashing the car......aren't they all duel control nowadays?

Whatever you decide, don't give up because some ignorant clown just can't be bothered to fulfill his commitments.

Best wishes

[Hidden in reply to cat3]

Thanks for the support. I job to judge the ability of someone based on a few lingering doubts. I did everything he told me to do in the first lesson, what caused him to change his mind I don't know and yes they are dual controlled. These guys can afford to cherry pick and get away with it, they are employed to provide an important service to society, what would happen if someone with dyslexia was denied the right to an education? That doesn't happen. I'm going to try to get another instructor and hope the next one leaves his irrational fears to one side. If bot then I might have to go with big corporations with plenty of insurances.

[cat3 in reply to Hidden]

Good luck,Anthony,.....I hope you'll let us know how you get on.

[TC1979]

I agree with the other comments. If these are your feelings with this instructor then this will effect your confidence with him, should you persevere without changing.

You have done well to decide to learn to drive, in the strive to gain a more independent life, and have passed your theory first time which even able bodied people don't always. Don't fall at the first hurdle.

You may not have to divulge whether you have had lessons before to a new instructor, unless of course you have had quite a few and it would be obvious. The new instructor may ask who your last instructor was and what they did with you.

Good luck Anthony

[Hidden in reply to TC1979]

Thanks, its great to have people on this forum who can support. I should say I'm medically fit to drive, that's all these people should consider. I won't disclose who I taught ne before for fear i'll end up being marginalized. It's difficult for me not to be honest and direct, but it seems people are willing to take advantage of that and I end up being discriminated against.

[Hidden]

Well, had a lesson with another instructor today. I can tell this one won't do a runner unlike the last one because he seems a bit of a milker. I mean, he spent half the time glossing over random aspects of the practical test, like that I'd fail with one major fault and passed with 15 minors or less , who'd a thunk it? I could learn that at home, its my first lesson, I hardly know how to use the controls for lack of experience and he's telling all about this instead of spending time on the road teaching. Next, he's telling about his other learners, how they've failed the test for missing an entrance and all sorts of things I'm not interested in, like his 68 year old learner who's starting now because her husbands got dementia. He tells me I should need 45 hours, the other told me 20-30 hours. How should he know this so soon? I did one small hectic drive up the road, hectic cause he didn't explain before what I was going to do and because he was giving me all kinds of instructions I couldn't take in the moment and grabbed the steering wheel which took away my sense of control. I'm not sure i'll bother continuing with this one, I have another lesson and then i'll see.

[km13]

Easy on there Anthony - these people are there to help us all.

They are not idiots. Relax and give them the fair chance they're giving you

[Hidden in reply to km13]

Yeah, the vast majority have good intentions, but it's a business where sometimes it pays to cheat, to hold back on instruction, to waste time chatting at the roadside, to favour slower learners over faster ones, etc. Fortunately, I think i've found a good and honest instructor that i'm happy to pay.

[cat3]

I think you're spot on Anthony. If I'd had a little more cynicism fifteen months ago, maybe I wouldn't have been financially ripped off online and maybe, just maybe,the resulting stress wouldn't have turned into a brain haemorrhage. Yes, I know there's no evidence that stress causes SAH; there's also no proof that it doesn't.

Anyway, I've learned to be cynical about more or less everything now and it hasn't made me bitter, just much more relaxed and safe.

Keep your antennae twitching, but I hope the latest guy treats you fairly.

Good luck x

[Hidden in reply to cat3]

Thanks cat, I think you could be right about the stress causing an SAH, I've just read a book about someone who had an SAH and she talks about the busy, stressful lifestyle she led right before the injury, that in combination with her naturally high blood pressure caused her to have an SAH.

Quite a few people have been ripped off, I guess the anonimity and freedom of the internet brings out the worst and best in people. I'm part of the internet generation so I feel fairly confident about conducting business online, but for the older generation who're used to doing things face-to-face it must take some getting used to.

I think i'm too cynical, after brain injury people take advantage of your weaknesses and after many years you learn to distrust people even if they have good intentions.

As I say, I'm with a new instructor, third time lucky and I can't really fault him, I've learned 10 times faster.

[cat3 in reply to Hidden]

I haven't been put off by the scammers....I'm just a lot more savvy now. I've used online banking for years but when I get an email telling me that there is a problem with my account and I won't be able to access it unless I 'click on this link' followed by entering my password I just say "p'''''off, and delete it. But I'm sure that some people do fall for it....the other day I counted six such emails aimed at customers of six different banks. It's a shame that banks themselves don't alert online customers to this problem.....its the sort of scam which uses a

pretty official looking approach and could catch people out if they're not on the look out.

Anyway, enough of all that. Good luck with the lessons & keep us up to date. x